The Monster Inside Of Me

Monster Inside Of Me

I have been ill now for sixteen long years,
Every time I'm up, my illness reappears.
It is like a monster just eating at me,
Oh help me God, I just want to be free.

When I get this way I just want to flee,
Free of the pain that is inside of me.
I ask myself if God is even listening,
Because this pain I have is so piercing.

Physically, I can do nothing, except for sitting all day,
I have guilt and sadness, and my world is painted grey.
These feelings I have never seem to stray,
They make me feel like I want to hide away.

The depression I get is truly the worst,
It makes me feel as though I've been cursed.
Everyday I pray on bended knee,
Why is God not listening to me?

Most days I just want it to mend,
The pain is so great, maybe it'll end.
My kids think this monster is such a crime,
They have helped me through my worst of times.

I think to myself, who am I to take my life?
But the pain inside me cuts just like a knife.
I also wonder what my kids would think,
They would be lost and their hearts would just sink.

I don't understand the reason why,
God makes me feel like I want to die.
One day I will know the answer from our Lord,
And maybe I'll get my just reward.

All I can do is continue to pray,
For God to stand by me and not go away.
To protect and guide me through this ghastly ordeal,
To mask and to conceal this pain that's surreal.