Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

Another day has come and gone, and I'm another year older. What are my thoughts? Just where did the years go, and how did they pass so fast? At the same time, the days felt so very long.

Even now, I still miss you and have this yearning to hold you close to me, to feel your warmth, and look into those sherry colored eyes, to see your smile and hear your laugh once again. .

I try hard not to selfishly want to be the one you embrace. How wonderful it must be for the ones that you share your time and love with.

Last night I tried to sleep, and instead wept useless tears into my pillow, which only God would see. Maybe I shouldn't have watched that Magnum P.I. show last night. I had no idea it would be about saying goodbye. Tom (I love that name, for some reason) Magnum, the private investigator and star of the show, told the little boy, who was mourning his grandfather, that even he didn't know how to say goodbye. Death seems so final, yet the love remains.

You haven't passed on, yet it seemed related somehow. I suppose it is a death of a relationship. You have no idea how impossible it is to get over this loss I feel. You are far from being forgotten. The only comfort I get is from those things I have of yours. It could be just an old photograph and I run my fingers over the image.

It's almost like death, yet it's not. It's more like prolonged grieving instead. Maybe it's one of those 'I guess you had to be there' type of things, which nobody understands, except the person it is happening to. I know that not looking at these pictures or not touching something that was yours, isn't going to make it any easier. I simply can't do that. I won't. I feel like I will die if I do. Maybe this is a slow death yet I can't stop myself.

Maybe I will be stuck forever in this hellish vortex of heartbreak. Maybe next year I won't have to deal with this option saying hello or goodbye.