The Audition

     

    “I can’t believe it! Best supporting actress? Little ol’ me? Moi? I’m absolutely speechless. I…Excuse me, would you mind repeating that? If I don’t have a speech, then why don’t I just shut the Hell up? Now hear this, Little Miss Casting Couch USA: unlike yourself, I did not win my award for the world’s best performance off-camera, and if you….WHAT? Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that, darleenks. As I was about to say…it is such a surprise, such an honour to receive this lovely Oscar for… You again? You’re surprised too, are you? Well I’ll be; I’d a thought ain’t nothin’ surprises you no more, honey. Last time you got surprised Abe Lincoln was in diapers…
 
    “ ‘Cut!?’ Whaddya mean ‘Cut?’ Who said that? Oh, it was you, was it, Mr. Director, sir? Do you know who I am? How dare you interrupt when I’m in the middle of a script. And while we're on the subject, who's the jerk wrote this garbage, anyway? 'Little Miss Casting couch USA,' for cryin' out loud. Not that I give a hoot, 'cos I’m just perfect for this part, an’ you know it.  If you’d a heard my 'Ophelia'...What did you say? Don’t call us, we’ll call…?”