HOW MOSES GOT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

How Moses Got the Ten Commandments

The Lord went to Persia coursing desert sands,
calling on Mullahs in Bedouin bands.
“Shalom, Bin Abdullah with thirty-ought wives,
I have here commandments to better your lives.
Your Imams of Islam would surely agree:
'thou shall not kill' can be made a decree?"

“No killing? Beheading? or stoning to death?
Go saddle your camel, you’re wasting your breath.”

So the Lord sauntered south and wandered awhile
with ebony tribes criss-crossing the Nile.
“Come hither you muthas and gather your kin.
I have here commandments to keep you from sin.
They’re teachings for preaching to daughter and son,
like: honor thy father and mother, for one.”

What— honor thy father? Don’t know who dey be.
We be bruthas, m’man; dat’s awright wif me.

So the Lord moseyed on, down Mexico way.
Rode a burro to town with Padre Jose.
“Hola, muchachos, and those on parole,
I have here commandments for saving your soul.
This Padre will hear your confessions one day;
‘thou shall not steal,’ for example, he’d say.”

No stealin’, drug dealin’, or Toltec tattoos?
No sabé, señor, and no steenkin' taboos."

He next went to Europe where culture’s entrenched,
sailing the Seine, parlez-vou’d with the French.
“Bon jour, mes amis with your cognac and wine,
I have here commandments to keep you in line.
Mad’moiselle et Monsieur, a sample pour vous:
commit no adult’ry; no straying, you two?”

“Can’t diddle the dollies? Tsk, tsk, Sacré Bleu!
French savor such jollies, allez-vous, Mon Seigneur.”

Crestfallen and flustered, he mounted his beast.
Trudged back to Mount Sinai in the Mid East.
“I don’t understand, I’m upset and confused.
I have here commandments for Gentiles and Jews,
but can’t seem to move ‘em— a free set of rules!”
when a voice in the rear perked up on the news.

“Uh, free did I hear— you mean, nothing to pay?”
Moses stepped forth, “for the lot did you say?”

“That’s right my good man, not a shekel to own,
and true to my word, I’ll zap them in stone.”

"Oy vey, such a deal; and all ten of them mine?
You can stop with the spiel, so vhere do I sign?"

                             Amen