Dear Me 2011

Dear Me,

Happy New Year!!!!

What will you do different this year from 2010? Will you make the same mistakes? Will you accomplish more than you ever have? Will you become stagnant? Will you be explosively energetic and progressive?

Are there answers to these questions? Do you know the answers? Does anyone outside of God himself?

Probably not. Ah, but YOU can take steps to make the year 2011 better than the last no matter how good or bad it was.

Your muse and I watched you the past twelve months rise and fall, dip and soar, sink and swim in extremes you never experienced before. There was no good or bad; there was devastation or elation! Wow!

January will always be a time of joy and sorrow for you as you remember the day daddy passed over. Joy that he is no longer suffering. Glad that he gave you precious memories everyday of your life in word, deed and example. Sorrow touches your heart all the way to your soul when you remember you can no longer drink a cup of steaming, fragrant coffee before daylight sharing your heart's desires with him and he with you.

Your life has always centered around your children. A moment of heated words between you and your daughter-in-law caused a level of annihilation you never thought possible. No amount of apology, no depth of remorse for quickly spoken words could bring forgiveness. Your son with weak explanation said, "Her whole family is just that way, mama. It doesn't matter that she was just as responsible if not more so. Her dad hasn't spoken to his brother over something just as silly as this event was."

February brought a chill in the air that touched more than just the outside layer of skin. Blood pressure problems caused physicians to call in your family with warning that your life was in the balance. They were scared. They were anxious. They wanted someone to fix what was wrong! But you, you were cool, calm, and collected. You were bathed in a peace beyond human understanding. You knew beyond a doubt life on earth could be over, yet Great Spirit spoke and said, "It's only better on the other side."

March and April were filled with renewing of spirit and physical health. Anxiety came from time to time due to financial strains from missing work while ill and hospital bills. With death having come so close you realized either you would live and do what you could as you could or you'd die and insurance money would take care of it.

May brought an experience that tops all except Salvation. Aylin Rebekah-Carolina Cummings was born. Your first blood grandchild. So many tears had transpired during the pregnancy with you not knowing whether or not you would be allowed to come visit this beloved granddaughter. Prayers were answered and healing began between your daughter-in-law and you with this precious baby as a bridge.

June, July, August and September were work consumed. Your three jobs in an attempt to gain financial stability sapped all the energy you had for anything but work. Your health suffered. You didn't have time to think about the hurt at not being able to see Aylin as often as you'd like. You became riddled with excruciating pain in your lower back, hip and leg. By the end of September your writing had come to a complete halt as a result of the physical pain in combination with the emotional pain of your son and daughter-in-law not coming to see about you even once.

In September, one of your "adopted" families became homeless and destitute. You took them in with the family you already had living with you. Crazy Everyone else thought so, but you could not turn them away. Then along came another family down on their luck and you provided a roof and as much help as you could. Would that foresight was as good as hindsight! The last family turned out to be users, taking advantage of you.

October was filled with 31 days of pain 24/7. You THOUGHT back surgery would relieve the pain instantly! Ha ha ha ha! Nothing could be further from the truth.

November was somewhat better toward the end of the month pain wise. Family wise your home was packed with seven children and five adults, four cats, and two dogs. Blending three families who had never met before was both rewarding and disappointing. The "user" family caused much friction and were free-loaders causing problems for all. They needed to G-O, go.

December was a magical month of love and compassion with so many children to look forward to Christmas. The tree was a real one picked out and cut down by a close friend. The lights, the excitement, the expectation of innocent children gave meaning to giving. Money was tight; love was abundant. You returned to work and felt blessed to be able to begin to tackle backed up bills.

Your sisters topped every emotional Christmas gift ever this year! They took land from various areas of the farm that sustained us as children and gives us hope for the future and had pottery bread plates and bowls made as a reminder that this land on the home place will remain a sacred part of our lives until that day God chooses to take us home to Eternity. Yes, the tears flowed, the memories were shared with our children and grandchildren that they may too hold this land, this tradition, this love and respect for land, family and heritage to the nth degree.

Now that I have reminded you of the good, bad and the ugly of 2010 what do you propose to do about 2011?

Me, I suggest first and foremost to keep yourself in tune with Great Spirit. Be quiet and listen, hear, feel, and touch with earnest compassion and discernment. Eat, Drink, Live and Pray the Serenity Prayer daily:" God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Operative word-Wisdom!

WAKE UP YOUR MUSE! Record everything. Looking back next year will help you help yourself and others in a positive way. Do not allow others to take advantage of your attempt to help. Do not let those who do take advantage curb your compassion for those who truly need help.

Go out more and visit Aylin more. Spend time with friends and family. Work only one job. God will provide the necessities. Stay in touch with your spiritual side.

Okay, me...let's use a tried and true trick that has always worked for you. Here's a little jingle you can memorize to keep yourself on the right track to be all you can be, do all you can do, love with depth to your soul, make 2011 a year of memories to be cherished:

One, two,
It's up to you,
Three, four,
Procrastinate no more,
Five, Six,
Use all your tricks,
Seven, Eight
It's never too late,
Nine, ten,
Use your pen again and again.

Okay girl, you go get 'em!!

With God all things are possible,
Sandy

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