Pretend You're Someone Else (Chap. 12)

You can find the folder to the other chapters here:

ID: 1727540   (Rated: 18+) Pretend You're Someone Else  A man hides a secret from his family and has no clue that his son has the same secret. by KAT26/Adrian--Published!

I've done quite a lot of research on Native American Spirit Guides for this chapter. The websites I've looked at are:

*http://www.squidoo.com/nativeamericanspiritguides

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Part Two

Chapter Twelve

May - 1992

Avoy, Georgia

"Is it wrong to feel this way?"

         "I love you." Peter must have whispered those three simple, yet extremely powerful words to Robert a hundred times since they reconnected.

         Twenty-six years ago he was there for his friend during the worst possible crisis any teenager could ever go through. Now, Robert had been there for him. It seemed to fascinate Peter the way life came full circle. The years were passing by quite swiftly.

         Almost eighteen-years ago Peter threw away the only person he loved. He should have divorced Joy after she gave birth to Erich, then begged Robert to take him back. If he would have done this, then Georgina wouldn't be laying in a coma.

         Peter sprang-up in the bed clutching the sheets. The truth dawned on him. If he had done that then Georgina would cease to exist. His beautiful daughter, whom he never paid any attention to, was currently hooked-up on a life-support machine.

         He should have listened to her more, instead Peter focused on Erich. In his delusional mind he believed his son to be perfect. Peter hid his own secret for so long that an invisible mask had been placed over his eyes. He couldn't see that Erich held the same secret. All the signs were there in front of him all along, and unlike Peter, his son didn't care that everyone knew.

         Peter was the coward. At that moment he felt like a failure. He had failed at life. He failed his father. He failed Robert. But most important, he failed his children.

         Outside the sun had risen. Remarkable shades of pink, orange and yellow swirled in the sky like cotton candy. A tear dropped from his eye when it dawned on him that Georgina couldn't witness this majestic moment.

         Crossing his legs over each other, Peter sat on the edge of the bed with the blankets pulled tightly around him; tears cascading down from his eyes.

         Just as he sank into the ugly cry, he felt Robert's arms circle his stomach, followed by his boyfriend's head on his shoulders.

         "It will be alright."

         There was something in that moment. He didn't know if it happened to be Robert's soft voice, the beautiful sunrise, Georgina, or getting back together with his long-lost boyfriend, but Peter finally lost it. "Frankie," had always been so nice to him, even though he had treated his boyfriend like nothing for the last eighteen years.

         Turning around, he fell into Robert's arms.

         "I love you," he managed to choke-out in-between the crying and gasping for breath.

         "I love you too, Peter."

*****

         Two hours later they were ready. Peter stood in front of the floor-length mirror wearing plain khakis and a simple button-down shirt. Two blood-shot eyes stared back at him. He never looked so awful in his entire life.

         "I'm here. Everything will be alright," a soft voice whispered behind him.

         Peter closed his eyes as Robert walked over to him, and began playing with his unruly hair, smoothing it back into place.

         Falling into his boyfriend's arms he gave into a kiss.

         "I love you, Robert."

         "I love you even more, Peter."

*****

         "Mr. Anderson, my name is Doctor Philip Graham. I just flew in from New York to see your daughter."

         Peter reached out to grasp the elderly man's cool hand. The surgeon looked to be sixty-years of age with long grey hair, and a beard that matched. By the haunting look in his ancient blue eyes Peter could tell that he had witnessed a lot of trauma in the emergency room throughout the years.

         "Will she be alright?" he finally managed to squeak.

         The doctor gave Peter a sympathy smile and began speaking in a calm voice, "I have fully examined her. The bullet has been successfully removed, but the damage has been done. Unfortunately, she will be in this coma for a long time, perhaps for life."

         Robert gasped and reached forward to steady himself on the doctor's desk so he wouldn't pitch forward.

         Peter felt like someone had thrown icy water on his face. It couldn't be true? He had done things in his past that he wasn't so proud of, but karma wouldn't take his daughter away from him?

         "Stacey," the voice of evil-bird hissed in his ear. "You're being punished because of her."

         Refusing to believe it, Peter blinked in disbelief. Composing himself, he took a deep breath and continued, "The baby? How is Georgina's baby?"

         The doctor's face instantly changed from one of concern to a look of wonder. "She's doing great! By some miracle the baby survived."

         Peter gasped. "A girl," he whispered. "I have a granddaughter!"

         He felt Robert's hand slide into his. Turning around to face his boyfriend, he repeated, "I have a granddaughter! We have a granddaughter, Robert!"

         Tears sprang up into his boyfriend's eyes. It took Peter a second to realize he just announced out loud that he and Robert were dating. Never in his entire life did Peter publicly announce that he had feelings for Robert. This had seemed like the perfect time.

         "I see you're quite thrilled," Dr. Graham said with a smile.

         Peter nodded. He couldn't talk because he felt like going into the ugly cry.

         "Good," the doctor answered. "That brings us to our next dilemma. I see you prefer Georgina to give birth?"

         "Yes," he managed to whisper.

         Making a few notes on a clipboard the doctor frowned and continued, "We will wait until the baby is born before stopping life-support and ending your daughter's life. I'm surprised by your choice Mr. Anderson, most families would have taken their child off life-support because they don't want the burden of raising another child."

         Peter clenched Robert's fingers with such force that he yelped in surprise.

         "Mr. Anderson is there something wrong?" The doctor glanced up.

         Peter glared at him. "Mr. Graham," he hissed through clenched teeth. "My daughter will wake-up someday and make a full recovery."

         The doctor cast out another look at pity. Peter wanted to reach over, and bash the stubborn man's head against the desk.

         "Mr. Anderson, I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do. I flew in from New York because I'm one of the best in the field, and honestly she will never wake..."

         Peter quickly cut the doctor off. "Look," he snapped. "I never paid much attention to Georgina. I never wanted her like I wanted my son, and now I'm paying the consequences."

         Pausing to straighten himself out, Peter narrowed his eyes and continued, "If you obviously can't treat my daughter, then find me a surgeon who will! If I have to wait twenty-years more I will. Now, find me another doctor!"

         Flustered, Mr. Graham gathered his clipboard, and briskly walked out of the room.

         "I'll see whom I can find," the man muttered before disappearing down the hallway.

         "Peter you're something else," Robert laughed, as he turned around to kiss him.

         A shot of pure adrenaline coursed through his body. Pulling apart, Peter smiled, "We've done so many terrible things in our lives, it's time to make everything right and I'm going to start with my children. If I have to fly every doctor in the world to Avoy to examine Georgina, I will! She deserves it. As for Erich, when I see him tonight I'm going to tell him everything about us. Keeping our secret from the kids had to be the stupidest mistake of my life. Tonight I will have a talk with him,and I want you talk to Paul."

         Robert smiled, "Yes, yes I will."

         Smiling back, Peter reached over to clasp Robert's hand, when a voice rang out:

         "Don't worry about it daddy. Paul and I had it figured out when were in middle school."

         The two men spun around to find their children standing in the doorway. Peter could only blink in disbelief. Paul laughed, Erich smiled. Robert finally broke the silence.

         "How?"

         Paul continued to laugh. "You can't change who you really are."

         Peter turned to his boyfriend. Robert had spoken those exact same words to him eighteen-years ago in May's Diner.

         "Daddy, let's go home" Erich called out. "We have a lot to talk about."

         Still in bewilderment, Peter and Robert followed their children outside. Erich led Peter to the Camaro, while Robert followed his son to his own car.

         "I guess I'll call you tonight," Peter whispered as he scratched the back of his head.

         Robert looked to be in a daze. All he managed to do was nod. Forgoing a kiss goodbye, Peter unlocked the car door and slid in. Erich already sat in the passenger seat.

         "You should have kissed him goodbye, daddy."

         Pulling his seat belt around, Peter locked it and turned to his son. "Maybe next time I will."

         Erich nodded. "You should. There is nothing wrong with it."

         Peter smiled, agreed and shifted the car in drive. Today just might turn out to be a wonderful day after all.

*****

         For the first time in ten years Peter called a fast food restaurant and ordered a pizza for dinner. Erich volunteered to cook instead, but Peter politely forbid his son. Too much had happened in the last week and tonight the two of them would be settling down for a serious talk.

         After placing the order for a large vegetarian with pineapple, Erich wandered upstairs to take a shower in Peter's bathroom. The house was then shut-down. All of the doors tightly locked, and the lights were snapped off. He had to prepare himself. If a mother could talk to her daughter in this matter, then Peter could do the same to his son while sitting in bed with take-out food. He didn't care anymore. Erich knew his big secret, figured it out years ago. So, what? Then why did he feel so nervous?

         The pizza arrived just as Erich stepped out of the shower. Peter quickly prepared two plates and poured them each a glass of red wine. He knew they would be craving some serious alcohol.

         "Thank-you," Erich laughed as he took the china dish holding two pieces of pizza.

         Peter lay the take-out box on his desk and turned to pull a chair up towards the bed. Sitting down, he watched his son unravel the towel from around his neck, and toss it to the floor before taking his first bite. Erich looked calm. So, naturally Peter waited for him to start the conversation.

         "Daddy, how come you never told me?"

         Peter sighed. Only his son could be this upbeat during such a difficult time. Pausing to take a sip of wine, Peter took this opportunity to study Erich, who sat on the bed looking as if he didn't have a care in the world.

         "Well," he finally replied. "I guess I could ask you the same question."

         Erich laughed, his shoulder-length auburn hair swishing around his face. For the first time Peter realized just how long his son's hair was getting.

         "Daddy, not once in the five-years Paul and I dated did we try to hide our relationship. The two of us decided on day one that we shouldn't care if others found out. After talking for a bit we came to the agreement of openly dating, but we wouldn't confirm it unless someone asked. I guess nobody figured it out."

         Peter was taken back in surprise. His assumptions had been correct the whole time. Then why did he refuse to believe it? Because he was ashamed of his own past, also he wanted Erich to be just like his grandfather, minus the arrogance.

         "You knew all along, didn't you daddy?" Erich's eyes seemed to widen like saucers.

         Peter crossed one leg over the other, took a bite of pizza and said the first thing that came to mind.

         "I had my beliefs, I just never confronted you because I refused to believe them."

         "Confronted me," Erich asked in disbelief.

         Peter closed his eyes at the mistake. Damn, he should have chosen his words more carefully.

         "That's not what I meant to say."

         Erich sighed. "Don't worry about it. Perhaps, I should have told you? I wasn't ashamed of it. I love Paul and am glad Robert would take his yearly vacations, thus leaving him with us." Pausing, his son laughed and continued, "In a way, Robert helped Paul and I fall in love with each other."

         Peter burst out laughing. His son was definitely on to something.

         "Erich," he said after calming down. "My inner-self constantly reminded me that you and Paul were dating. One day I couldn't take it anymore, I had to know..."

         "That laundry excuse," Erich interrupted.

         Peter could see his son trying to stifle a giggle. With a roll of his eyes at the stupid way he acted that day, he continued.

         "I apologize for that ridiculous excuse."

         Erich shook his head with a smile. "Don't worry. Paul and I both knew. It's OK."

         Peter fell back into the chair and shook his head. Erich continued:

         "I waited for you to say something, but never did. I glanced over at Paul sitting on top of the computer desk. He raised an eyebrow signaling me to confess our secret if asked. We were stunned by the laundry excuse. I could tell by the way Paul's mouth dropped in shock. We were both ready to spill, but you never asked. We really didn't expect your reaction."

         Erich stopped to take a bite of pizza. It seemed like a giant veil had been lifted from Peter's eyes as everything fell into place. His son sat with both legs tucked neatly underneath him, nibbling on his food.

         Waiting patiently for him to finish, the signs came back to Peter. They had been in front of his eyes the whole time. Once he came down the stairs in the middle of the night to find the boys asleep on the couch. Erich rested his head on Paul's shoulder. Peter abruptly dismissed it, his excuse, they fell asleep while watching television and shifted positions. It happened.

         Then there were little things like the boys going to take a shower together. How could he have been that naive, really? Peter refused to believe what he saw, so he pretended not to notice. His son wouldn't turn out like he and Robert did, but had. The only difference, Erich and Paul never fought over stupid, childish incidents. Their children were the smart ones, they refused to hide their relationship, unlike his relationship with Robert.

         "I guess I was just lost in my own little world. I wanted you to have a better life than I did. I ruined my relationship with Robert. I had you and Georgina, yet I became miserable."

         Erich twitched, picked-up his plate and turned to lay it down on the bedside table. With a deep sigh, he turned to Peter.

         "I figured out long ago that you dated Robert in high school and I happened to be the cause of the break-up."

         "I should have never..." Peter began, but Erich cut him off.

         "I'm glad you married mom and stayed after Georgina came along. From what Paul and I learned from the town is that you, and Robert were horrible people. Now, thinking about it, do you believe Georgina, Paul and I changed the two of ya'll for the better?"

         Peter leaned back in a daze to ponder what his son just said. Sixteen-years of raising children and being married to Joy had in fact changed him for the best. The previous night when he lay in bed with Robert was, without a doubt, the most magical night of their thirty-five years. Part of it came down to them not being with one another in such a long time; the other dealt with their newfound maturity level. They were, as Robert bluntly said, "older, more grey and a helluva lot more experienced."

         Throughout the night, Robert kept crying out of pure happiness. Peter would reached up to brush away the tears, but they kept flowing as the orgasm drew faster. After their shower, he lay Robert's head on his chest, seconds later they were both asleep. They both knew it was their greatest moment together.

         Looking over at Erich, he noticed his son swirling the ruby red liquid around in his wine glass. Peter could tell he was deep in thought.

         "If I hadn't met your mother, Robert and I would have run off to California. We probably would have been the same miserable, arrogant brats that we were as teenagers. Having kids changed us for the better. We grew-up, learned responsibly and now we love each other more that ever. You, Georgina and Paul saved us. For that I'm eternally grateful."

         "I'm so happy for you dad," Erich said, turning around to pull his legs up to his chest. "Sometimes we must walk through hell to reach heaven."

         Peter gave him a startled look.

         "That's pretty deep," he responded in awe.

         "I feel that way all the time,"

         "Are you...depressed?" He asked slowly.

         Erich shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of wine, draining the glass. Peter could sense a touch of tension in the air between them.

         "There is something I need to tell you, but I feel it will hurt you."

         Peter jumped up in alarm. "What is it? You haven't tried to..."

         "No, no, daddy," Erich sighed. "I would never try to harm myself in any way."

         Sinking down into the plaid chair, Peter sighed with relief, the air felt looser.

         "Sorry, daddy," Erich whispered, his eyes seemed to have doubled in size.

         It took awhile for Peter to find his voice. "I-I had no idea you were depressed about your sexuality."

         "It's not that," Erich sighed taking a hold of the blanket and twisted it. "Sometimes we can't see what's staring right at us, took me awhile to notice it for myself."

         "What were you seeing?" Peter was still in confusion from his son's cryptic story.

         Erich met Peter's eyes. He could sense the subject was difficult.

         "Dad," Erich began. "Have you ever looked in the mirror and saw someone else gazing back?"

         "I don't understand." Peter shook his head.

         Resting his head on the palm on his hand, Erich starred aimlessly in front of him. Peter waited patiently. He hoped his son would go out and say what was on his mind.

         With a deep intake of breathe, Erich untangled himself.

         "I will be starting something several weeks after graduation. Paul knows and he believes it will make me happy. I really don't wish to talk about it anymore. After the outcome, I will be beyond enthralled, but I know it will take time for you to adjust. The reason why I'm not saying anything else is because of Georgina. When you decide on what will happen to her, then I will tell you my plans."

         "You do know that whatever you chose to accomplish in your life I will support you no matter what."

         Peter had a feeling that Erich and Paul were traveling to San Francisco in the near future. What else could the secret be? Erich saw himself as Paul's 'wife' whenever he looked in the mirror. It was perfectly normal. If same-sex marriage would ever be legalized, then Robert would be the one who took Peter's last name. That had to be why Erich felt semi-depressed. He happened to be Paul's...girlfriend, and nervous because he believed it would upset Peter. Where in his relationship Robert was obviously his 'girlfriend.' That had to be it.

         "Erich," he began, but suddenly stopped. He wanted to say that there was nothing wrong with legally taking Paul's last name if the two of them were to marry.

         "You know, if you ever feel the need, or desire to talk to Robert I'm positive he will listen."

         Erich laughed and fell sideways on the bed. Stretching out, he slipped his left arm under the pillow and lay his head down.

         "There are several things I would like to talk to him about, but they would have to stay between the two of us. Since I don't know how your relationship works with him..."

         Erich bit his lip and trailed off. Peter could tell he was laughing.

         With a sigh, Peter stood up from his chair and went to sit next to his son on the bed. Once he settled down, Peter looked over at Erich, who still had his face buried in a pillow stifling a giggle.

         "For your information," he smiled. "Robert knows how to keep a secret. Throughout the years he kept ours, and even though I know realize that was a big mistake, you can trust him with anything. I am you father, therefore I will also keep anything you tell me in strict confidence."

         Erich slowly raised himself up. A shiver seemed to run through Peter's body as he caught a glimpse of the long hair curling down his son's shoulders. It reminded him of something, but what?

         "I love you daddy, but there are several things that I don't feel comfortable telling you yet. I can give you a hint, this will be our last father and son chat. I'm moving to Atlanta next month where Paul and I will experience something life-changing in the next three years."

         "But, that's impossible," Peter sputtered in disbelief, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. "Unless you're planning on never seeing me again?"

         "Never! I mean't...oh, never mind," Erich sighed. "There is so much I know to be true. For as long as I can remember my spiritual being has visited me in my dreams. It comes to me in a female form and tells me to follow my inner-being."

         "Spiritual being?" Peter echoed very confused.

         "You know," Erich gestured with his hands. "Our spirit. It's part of our Native American heritage. Everyone on this planet has a spirit, but our culture seems to be most in-tune with our dreams."

         Peter still sat in disarray. "Your spirit is female?" He managed to say after a moment's hesitation, then instantly realized his mistake. If Robert had been with them he would have smacked Peter upside the head.

         "Well, sometimes our spirits come in the form of animals, or birds."

         Blinking hard, Peter lowered himself onto the pillows. "Birds," he mouthed.

         Erich propped himself back-up. "Animals, birds, humans, whatever. Sometimes when we fall in love with someone of our own gender our spirit might be someone of the opposite sex."

         Peter was beyond amazed at what he just heard. It also angered him that he didn't know as much about his Native American heritage as his son did.

         "So," he continued. "If a person's spirit comes to him, or her in a bird-like form, what does that mean?"

         Erich swished his hair back over his shoulders. "I guess it would depend on what it says in the dream. I really have no clue. My spirit has always been extremely forward with me."

         "You're not going to tell me?" Peter tried one last time.

         Erich sighed and looked into space. "It's just...I know for a fact that I love and am attracted to boys. I've known this since I was...eight? The weird thing is I don't consider myself to be gay and I dislike using that word. I prefer to use the Native American saying of 'Two-Spirited.' I have always felt both male and female. There have even been times when I've been jealous of Georgina. I love the fact that she is having a baby." Erich suddenly stopped. Peter was amazed at what his son just confessed to him.

         "Continue, please," he managed to squeak out. This was the first and only time his son had opened up to him in any way.

         Turning around, Erich shifted his gaze to the wall. "I love men, I know that to be true," he stated in a firm voice. "I don't feel myself to be attracted to the same sex, yet I love men. I am insanely jealous of women and very envious of my sister."

         Erich closed his eyes and turned away. Peter continued to sit in silence. The only sounds in the room were the ticking of the clock on the wall. He wanted Erich to say something, anything; but there was really nothing to say. His son had just confessed he wished he had been born a girl. What was there to say? How does a father respond to that?

         By now, Erich had curled himself neatly up into a ball. From the look on his face he was still awake. Outside the afternoon sun began sinking, casting shadows on the wall. Peter wanted to say something. Perhaps, Robert felt this way at times? It wasn't until he reached eighteen and stuck in a loveless marriage to Joy, that he realized the truth: he preferred men over women. Robert happened to be his first and only true love. If Erich loved Paul the same way that Robert loved Peter, then nothing would stand in their way. If his son had these thoughts, so be it.

         "Erich," he began, but immediately was cut off by the shrill ringing of the telephone in the hallway.

         Climbing down from the massive bed, Peter walked around the room and into the hallway. A single telephone sat on a small table by the banister. Call it 'divine inter-vision' or psychic awareness, but he knew exactly who was on the other line.

         "Hello, doctor."

         "Peter! How did you know it would be me?" Doctor Graham replied.

         "No one else would call this late."

         Peter shifted his weight from one foot to another, took a hold of the long telephone cord, and began twirling it through his fingers. He didn't like the fact that Doctor Graham was making small talk.

         "I see," he finally answered. "Peter, I'm desperately trying to search for a brain surgeon who will look at your daughter. No one will even consider the...situation."

         Peter pretended the banister was the doctor's face and swiftly kicked it forgetting he wasn't wearing any shoes.

         Hobbling on one foot, he took a deep breath. "These doctors do realize that I am one of the richest men in Georgia. Money is no object."

         The doctor sighed over the phone and Peter wanted to reach through the receiver and throttle the man.

         "That is the reason I called. Peter you have two weeks to make a decision about your daughter. Do you take her off life support after the baby is born, or leave her on it?"

         "Well, I suggest you use those two weeks to find me a doctor who will save her!"

         Peter slammed down the phone and walked back to his bedroom, still in pain from the banister.

         He found Erich asleep on the bed, his long auburn hair fanning around his face, fingers pressed to his lips, knees tucked up to his chest. Peter didn't wake him. He still couldn't figure out the 'last father-son chat.' Another memory crossed his mind, the day Joy gave birth to Erich and he had been delighted on having a son.

         Pulling a blanket from the foot of the bed, he laid it over Erich and went to sleep on the opposite end.

         "I would have still loved you if you had born a girl," he whispered into the air, cursing his immature seventeen-year-old self for actually preferring a son over a daughter.

         Erich seemed to have twitched slightly in his sleep.

         "I will always be there for you, Erich."

         Taking the small movement as a sign, he turned down the blankets and crawled under the soft linen sheets. Once Peter settled into the soft fabric he started to think hard about demon bird. Could it really be his spirit? Erich's spirit came to him in the form of a girl. Demon-bird happened to be a dove, but didn't they represent love and peace? With a sigh, he yanked the blankets up to his chin and turned to face the window.

         After pondering for several minutes, Peter decided to do something that he swore he would never do; tomorrow he would call his mother. After her husband's suicide she fled Avoy to live with her family on the reservation. She never cared about Peter, or her two grandchildren. Now, that Georgina lay in a coma, perhaps she would start to take an interest in her son's children? It was worth a shot.

*Next Chapter*

ID: 1750609   (Rated: 18+) Pretend You're Someone Else (Chap.13)1/2  {This chapter is divided into 2 segments.) Robert confesses his secret to Peter. (1972) by KAT26/Adrian--Published!