Lucky Eddie & the Little Black Cloud

WC 838

Lucky Eddie & the Little Black Cloud

By Jack Rawlins

I’ve always been pretty fortunate. So fortunate, in fact, that folks here in the Jersey Pine Barrens call me “Lucky Eddie.” I earned my rep two years ago on my 35th birthday with two big hits on the slots at Resorts Casino in Atlantic City. A year later, I cemented my rep by walking away with nothing by a bloody nose from a BMW that I turned into a pile of rubble against a concrete bridge abutment.

My Uncle Lester who likes to recycle old jokes often said, “If Lucky Eddie fell in a cesspool he’d come out smelling like a rose.”

Well, I might be a little cocky, but I pretty much agreed with Uncle Lester, friends, neighbors and other relatives-- until one clear, hot sunny Sunday morning in July 2010. I was walking down Main St. in the tiny town of Chatsworth, NJ where I live. Church bells were ringing. I was feeling great. I had enough money to last me for life. I was boppin’ along whistling, “On the Sunny Side of the Street,” when I spotted a small dark cloud just off my right shoulder. It was about the size of a big beach ball and maybe twenty feet above street level.

It spooked me, sucked my breath away and shut down my happy tune. I’m not really a superstitious guy, but when I stepped up my pace and it stuck with me, I got a sudden chill. Hey, I’m no dummy. Everybody knows black clouds are not a good sign. Sure this one was dark, not black. But I’m not going to evaluate luminosity. To me, this sucker is black and it’s sticking to me like a big balloon charged with static electricity. And it’s not only sticking to me, it’s closing the gap between us.

All the stores are closed. Nobody’s on the street except me and that damn cloud. I break into a jog. It’s still gaining on me. I start to run. It narrows the gap. I stop suddenly. It stops suddenly; but now it hovers over my head. And that’s when it hit me. I have been turned into a “Joe Btfsplk.”

Now, unless you’re an old-timer or a fan of classic comic books and Al Capp’s Li’l Abner, you probably never heard of Joe Btfsplk. (It’s a hard name to pronounce. You say it like you’re giving someone the Bronx cheer, or raspberry.)

In the comics, every place that Joe goes, a little black cloud hovers over his head. And everyone he comes close to has bad luck or an outright disaster. I think, “Am I about to lose my good rep and exchange it for a bad one?” Just as that thought squirted through my brain, everything went black.

When I woke up, I was sitting next to a mail box in front of the post office. The cloud was gone and a lovely woman was bent over me.

“Are you alright, Sir? '’ she asked.

I was more confused than polite and I said, “If I was, I probably wouldn’t be sitting on my ass by this mail box.”

“My name is Doctor Hildegard Schwartz, “she said with a professional tone. “And I agree; you are probably ‘not alright.’ I saw you just as you fell. I believe you had a syncope incident.”

“A what? I thought I had been eaten by a cloud,” I muttered.

“Syncope is the medical term for fainting,” she explained as she helped me to my feet. You should see a doctor. And why do you keep looking up in the sky?”

“I’m looking for that nasty little black cloud that was chasing me,” I admitted.

“”Hmmm…,” she answered. “As I said, you should see a doctor. Here’s my card. I would be happy to examine you tomorrow. Let’s see if we can determine what caused your syncope…your fainting incident.”

“It was that scary little black cloud, “I replied. “But I would like to see you again.”

The next day I was carefully examined by Dr. Schwartz. Once she had eliminated the likelihood of any serious underlying medical condition she explained that fainting may occur while you are urinating, having a bowel movement (especially if straining), coughing very hard, or when you’ve been standing in one place too long. Fainting can also be related to fear, severe pain, or emotional distress

“Ah yes,” I agreed enthusiastically. “Like being run down by a scary little black cloud.”

It was a long examination. Before she had finished checking me out, I had checked her out. I decided that little black cloud had a silver lining. It introduced me to the lady whom I would woo, win and wed. And I did.

Six months later Uncle Lester gave a little speech at our wedding reception. One of the many nice things he said was, “Only Lucky Eddie could fall on the sidewalk and end with a gorgeous wife.”

My rep is still intact. Ahhhhhh…. Life is good.

###