Groundhogs Celebrate Human Being Day

Groundhogs Celebrate Human Being Day

It’s an odd tradition and a very recent one. The tradition was started three years ago when I, the Grandiose Hog of Hill Colony Turf, began to wonder just why it was that every year this huge circuit of Human Beings collected over my territory and trampled the earth, and made all kinds of deafening noise, which caused the very tunnels in our homey underground land to shake to the point of crumbling. For only one day of the year, this circuit of Human Beings congregated.

One year over three dozen borrows were torn apart by the great vibrations attacking the environment from above our heads. Qukk and Tupp both lost the remainder of their winter hoard down a crack made wide enough to swallow a whole bushel of turnips. Well, that is an exaggeration, but it was a pretty destructive crack. Another year Suss, and Nubb, and their grand old one Hucc, found their nest filled from one end to the other with wet clods of mud and an air vent coming into their borrow,  making the living conditions, to where it was, impossible to get any sleep, once night fell upon them. The air was cold and the light, though dim, was unreal. Pitch black is only good in the absence of light. We had a report of damage over on the far side of Hill Colony Turf, about an actual sinking of one borrow that was so far gone out of sight that its residents had to move out and into an unoccupied tunnel about a foot farther down from the surface, which was a good move because they hadn’t borrowed deep enough for the first home to withstand the structural damage it had sustained.

Bugg, Putt, Eupp, and Kurr found they liked to eat the fresh veggies from the human beings garden land, and they always drew the human beings wrath. During the hot days their tunnels were frequently flooded with nice cool water, which collected in an underground pool. It didn’t last too long and their very closest neighbors, always, were invited to come over and enjoy the drinks while they lasted. One season of hot weather I was over that way looking over the veggies, and before I could leave for my journey back to my place, a human being approached and tried to capture me. I ran into the hole of my friend’s tunnel; the next thing I knew I was being washed along the tunnel walls at a great speed and ended up in the pool. I took me a long, deep drink and when my thirst was satisfied I got out of that place and snuck on back to my own borrow. I was all wet and the warm sun felt good on my way back home. I was pretty sandy when I got home, so I shook really hard and gave my doorway a coating of soft sand just outside on the doorstep.

So, much for these extraordinary homey adventures our clan has had. The celebration begins at 7:23 A. M. sharp on the appointed day with me popping my head out of the opening to my personal burrow. I don’t go away from my hole; I just sit there and look around a while. I am observing the many human beings that are crowded around my opening. I am amazed at how quiet they become once I appear in front of them. It’s as if they worship me, Grandiose Hog of Hill Colony Turf…I am doubly amazed at how their lights are flashing in my eyes. Everything looks all spotted and hazy by the time I decide to go back down into my cozy burrow. I found out the one thing I have been looking for, which begins the celebration of Human Being Day.

The human beings shout and clap and throw objects called top-hats into the air. I’ve seen it all. They are especially expert at flashing those bright lights into my eyes to where I can’t see a thing. The shadows that look like black spots I had mentioned before, take over my eyes. I have to meet the others before my eyes go back to normal. The dark shadows in my eyes always go back to the humans that put them there. The rest of my colony is gathered in the tunnels making it rather crowded in there. We work our way along the walls of the tunnels until we come out at the meeting room, which is a huge gathering place underneath the great oak tree, among its roots. Here I take my place upon a hill to one side of this room and begin my motioning act. By this time my eyes are flashing spots in my head, and all I can do is try to catch them; the flashing in my head light up the darkness before my eyes. My fellow hogs do not quite know what is going on in my sight, but they enjoy the movements of my paws; I chase the shadows all around in front of me. My colony says I am beside myself with motion. After a good while my vision clears and I can see the dark forms of the roots around the ceiling and how they form the walls and pillars of the room we are meeting in. The room is not as dark as the tunnels, which we travel from one location to the other. The root system of this old oak tree lets the daylight seep through one tiny slit of an opening caused by the separation of the earth between two huge roots, exposed above ground.

My colony is setting around me in quiet, motionless rapture. They are awed and want to hold the vision of my antics for as long as they can before we disassemble and begin our feeding for the day. The human beings have brought us another morning of fun and awareness. We have been visited by the lights of dancing spots; they only stay for a short time, but when they are here the whole colony eagerly watch how one grandiose groundhog is affected by their presence. They know the shadow-spots are real because I can see them, but they don’t know what they look like because they can’t see them.

I am working on developing this celebration further, so that all of the colony will get to experience the dancing of the spots; eventually every living groundhog will know what a wonderful dance it is. The celebration of Human Being Day is a time of inspiration and great amazement. The shadow-spots that come from the human beings are indwelling us. Every year they visit us; they want to visit more than just me. They have visited us for over one hundred years, but we didn’t realize who they were and what they wanted. Just recently we have figured out their purpose. They want to learn all they can about us. Someday they may even come to live among us; this is our hope. But, for now, all we can do is let them dazzle us with the dancing shadows as they observe our colony for a few short moments a year. Next year we will surprise them. There will be two of us coming out of our holes side by side. If it doesn’t scare them away they can let more dancing shadows visit our colony, and this way more of us will get to be servants of the human beings while they use our eyes to see our world and feel what we feel. The shadow of human beings dancing in our eyes will bring us into the realm of human understanding no other groundhog has ever experienced. We will be like gods and only the shadow knows the way to unite human beings and groundhogs into a cooperative entity. Peace, peace all is well.