Soul Searching

my minds eye wanders - searching for the one thing it cant see.
blinded by my imagination, i sit in wonder...
i cry profusely as my body withers and dies.
laughter...
the only thing keeping my soul from fading through these eyes.
as i dream of another life, one without the burden of self awareness,
my reality fades...
parts of the whole splinter and crack.
fractures in my bones trace their way back to the source of my
collapsing, observed, prison.
through, and at times, in, the foundation,
i bear witness to glory.
as dull grays flake and peel away to reveal an ocean of depth,
my mind is blown...
the bullet loaded and the trigger pulled.
fragments of my previous self fly through the empty space between my shell
and its resting place.
my corpse settles in its hollow cell.
my soul swims through perfection.
vivid creation embraces my everything.
glory.
as it emanates from within, i am forced to absorb the unimaginable.
every shade of pleasure, every whisper of honesty.
as i stumble through this holy paradise, i bear witness.
everything i am,
everything i have and will become stands before me.
as i approach, the figure shines brighter than anything i could perceive...
the sudden feeling of drowning floods my soul, and i am dragged, kicking and screaming,
back to my previous incarnation... disappointment.
again... blinded.
again... i sit.
again... in wonder.