Warrior Mom

How I Became a Warrior Mom

Those who know me now might wonder how such a fun-loving person came to have such a serious username. It is actually a long story, but it is not necessary for you to know all the gory details. I would prefer to give you an abbreviated version, so that we can get to the happy ending sooner!

I think I was first dubbed this name back in 2006 by my best friend, who helped me through a long stretch of rough territory. We talked on the phone almost daily and e-mailed often as well. If you have read some of my more serious pieces you may already know that my husband and I adopted two children. My daughter came to us in 1994 at age 22 months. She was the sunshine of our lives. We had waited so long for a child.

In the year 2000, we took in a three-year-old foster child, who was supposed to stay with us for only a few weeks. I am in social work, so I could see the writing on the wall. He had so many problems that sprang from drug abuse by his mother and severe neglect and abuse. He was an extremely high risk child, which meant almost no hope for adoption. I could see him going from foster home to foster home, then group homes, and even juvenile detention. And, where would he go for Thanksgiving and Christmas? All his life, he would miss out on the many benefits of having a loving family. I couldn't bear it. My husband and I decided to adopt him.

We started him in therapy right away, but it has been a battle ever since. It wasn't until about five years ago we understood the seriousness of his problem. He has Attachment Disorder. It's a very serious condition that results when a young child is neglected and abused. We found a specialist in this field, and finally started seeing more improvement. He's almost fourteen now, and shows tremendous progress. It's hard for me to believe this same child gave me a black eye twice, and inflicted bruises on all of us at one time or another. For a long time I wondered if we had made the right decision, but seeing him today has answered my doubting mind.

Meanwhile, Kellye was growing right along, deprived of attention because of how much energy and effort Tony demanded from us. When she hit puberty, whatever the reasons, she changed overnight into someone I didn't recognize. She started cutting herself and wearing black all the time (calling herself a Goth). She was very much into darkness and death. I fought so hard to pull her back to me, back to the child I remembered. The more I fought, the worse she got. She ended up, at age 17, stealing my debit card and using the four hundred dollars she took from my bank account to buy marijuana. We realized we had no choice but to turn her into the police while she was still a minor, and we could help her.

She went through a ninety-day rehabilitation program, and is now on twelve months of probation. She is doing much better, and I am learning how to let go and let God through Alanon meetings. Through the support of my friends, both in the "real" world and on WdC, I have been able to learn how to take care of myself and make my own world a happier place.

So, back to the name. In the midst of all the turmoil, my friend from Tennessee once called me a "warrior mom" because I fought so tirelessly for my children to have happy, "normal" lives. It's just that simple. She said it one time and it just caught on. I used it as a username everywhere after that.

You'll be interested to know that I can now identify with a different part of myself. In setting up several on-line accounts lately, I have changed my user name to "poetry woman". I'm still a warrior for my children, but I have other identities now. Writing.com has brought this to me. The love and encouragement I have received from members of this site have helped me turn my world from darkness to light. I am forever grateful for that! I've been with Writing.com almost three years (in April). In that time, I have met and loved so many angels. Those who reached out to me with kindness and encouragement both in reviews of my writings, as well as in groups I've participated in.

Now that you've read my story about how I came to be a "warrior mom", I want to ask a favor of you. Focus on the ending, on where those struggles brought me. I found light after a long path of darkness. I found peace and hope for my life. AND, I got to know a hidden part of myself--a really FUN part of myself--"poetry woman". This brings me such joy and serenity!

Perhaps my readers will better understand, now, why I am the perfect Cheerleader for "Showering Acts of Joy Group " , and they will know why Writing.com is such a special place. A place that changes lives. I've seen it in others, and experienced it in myself. What has Writing.com done for you? How are you different since joining?

{October, 2011)
By the way, my son who fought me every step of the way, now kisses me gently on the cheek each night before he goes to bed. If we've had any kind of disagreement, he will come to me and make sure I'm not "mad" at him before he can go to sleep. He greets me at the door when I come home from work and hugs me and asked me how my day was. Yeah, I know. Pretty amazing, huh? That little guy, with so much against him, started high school this year. (fall, 2011) He still has his phobias to vanquish and his anger to keep in check, but he is a success story if ever there was one.

Pat Nelson
February 28, 2011

For more information on Attachment Disorder visit {http://www.ATTACh.org}