Of Chance and Rain

    “What do you think, Oscar?  Is there any hope?”  The man stood at the window, staring at the slates of rain slashing across the sky.  He wasn’t attractive and he knew it, but neither was he unattractive.  Average height, brown, short cropped hair that never went where it was directed, a thick build and a well defined body, but no one would have thought that by looking at him.  In clothes he was another drab man in the faceless throngs.  Turning from the window, he looked at Oscar.  The fish didn’t respond, didn’t even blow a bubble.  It hadn’t been listening.  “Great,” he mumbled, “I’m talking to my fish now.  I wonder if a guy can actually die from loneliness.” 

    Hearing the oven buzz; he took out the lasagna he’d prepared; the kitchen became a warm haven of garlic, tomato, and basil.  The lasagna was set aside to cool while he made himself a green salad and got out the oil and vinegar dressing. Why the hell do I even bother to watch what I eat.  There’s nobody to care one way or the other. Chunky bleu cheese dressing flowed slowly from the bottle as the aroma struggled to overpower the lasagna.  He set the salad on the table, and went to retrieve his ale from the window sill.  Again, he stared at the sheets of rain falling on the gray city.

    “There she is, Oscar.  I wonder what her name is?  She looks like a pleasant person, seems nice.  I like her hair.  It’s kinda golden auburn or something, and thick, really thick.  You think I could find the courage to ask her out, or at least say hi someday?”  He turned for Oscar’s response.  The fish had his tail to him; at least he assumed the fish was a male.  “Yeah, you’re right, probably not.”  He watched as she walked from the bus stop, bag over her shoulder and a green and gold umbrella held above her lush hair.  Returning to the kitchen, he finished the ale, letting the bitter aftertaste match his mood.

    He cut a piece of lasagna, took another ale from the refrigerator and sat at the table.  “Ah, another meal alone, the evening to myself to grade papers, does life get anybody than this.”

    Oscar was listening and picked up the heavy sarcasm.

~~~~~

    Once inside the building, she shook most of the water off the umbrella, bypassed the elevator and started up the stairs to her apartment.  By the third floor she was softly repeating, “Legs and butt, legs and butt,” with each heavy breath, as if it was a mantra.  By the fifth floor, she was gasping.  At the seventh floor she stumbled into her apartment and collapsed, the worn couch protesting at the sudden impact.  She concentrated on breathing.  A grey tabby cat jumped onto her lap and immediately began to tickle her face with his tail.

    When she had regained her breath she said, “Hi, Stubs, how was your day?”  Pausing while the cat turned to ignore her, she said, “Yeah, well my day was great too.  The pictures for tomorrow’s presentation mysteriously disappeared off the server, and I didn’t back up my charts so I have to redo the presentation tonight.”  As if I have anything better to do.  Maybe I can call Kelly and cry on her I shoulder.  Nah, I think Ken is getting tired of me monopolizing his wife.

    “I guess it’s just you and me, Stubbs.  Maybe I could just start knocking on doors until I get to that plain, kinda good-looking guy in the building.  Hi, I am not a stalker or anything, but I am looking for somebody to share with, and you look like a likely candidate.”  Stubbs looked up at her, jumped down and headed to the cupboard where the cat food was kept.  “Yeah, I know.  Even if I had the nerve to do that he’d probably think I was a stalker or a nutcase or something.”

    The cat started clawing at the cupboard.

    “Okay, baby, let’s get us both something to eat.  It’s going to be a long night.”  She sighed.

    She stood at the window, watching the lights come on through the city.  The rain had let up to a light downpour.  She noticed the lights reflecting on the pavement and the river that flowed lazily a few blocks away. 

    “It’s a beautiful view isn’t it, Stubbs?”  She turned, but the cat was nowhere in sight.  My life is in the toilet.  Even the cat is bored with me.  Is it asking too much to just find a man that would sit and talk, or even sit quietly while we’re together, just be?

~~~~~

    “That’s it for the night, Oscar.  All the papers are done.”  He looked at the fish that was now settled into his rock cave in the aquarium, asleep.  “Great, I’m invisible to my fish too.  I am never going to find a non-toxic woman.  I’m doomed to a life of dealing with unmotivated students and grading math papers.”  I should have actually become a monk or something; maybe if I lived under a bridge and lost my mind I would think my life is better.  That would be my reality.

    “Crap, Oscar.  I have an early class tomorrow.  I’m not tired, I’ve already had three ales, and I’m still going to be up for hours.  Well, at least you can sleep, you goofy fish.”  Rick stood gazing out the window.  The rain had stopped, and the clouds had broken.  A full moon reflected off the slick pavement.  It’s a lover’s view tonight, Oscar, a lover’s view.

~~~~~

    “Oh, bed is going to be nice.  What time is it, Stubbs?”  2:30, great, I’ll never make it on time in the morning.   Sara stumbled into the bathroom and went through her nightly ritual, washing her face, brushing her teeth, and applying moisturizing lotion to her body.  She then stood in front of the mirror and appraised her body.  I’m not unattractive.  I wish my thighs weren’t so big, but I’m not that bad.  There must be a decent man out there that would want me, there has to be.   Sara glanced out the window on her way to bed, Beautiful moon tonight.

    Dropping into bed and disturbing Stubbs, Sara stared at the ceiling, eventually drifting to sleep.

    The alarm didn’t go off at 6:30 like it normally should. At 6:36 Sara opened one eye.  Ten more minutes, I’ll be fine with another ten minutes.  At 7:02 she opened one eye and bolted upright, “Oh my God!  I am never going to make it on time.  Even if I take a cab, I am going to be late.”  Running to the bathroom she thought, I am going to be in so much trouble.  I have the team’s presentation.  I need coffee!   She ran to the kitchen, got a pot of coffee going and dashed to the bathroom.

~~~~~

    Rick stumbled out of bed and went to feed Oscar.  After getting a cup of coffee, he stood at the window for a moment, sipping it.  There was a deluge outside, but at least the rain was vertical at the moment. I better take a cab this morning; if I am late for class one more time the dean is going to can my ass.  I’m going to have to steal my cash from the canoe fund.  Crap.   Staggering into the shower, he decided against shaving in the interest of being on time.  He dressed in a pair of Levis and a light blue, button down collared shirt.  He knew it was old fashioned and not cool, but he had never been cool and wasn’t going to start trying now.  Looking out the widow, he noted water raging in the gutters and decided to wear shoes instead of the sandals he normally wore.  Maybe I can stay dry today.

    Stuffing the graded papers into his bag, he said, “I’ll eat after class, Oscar.  I am pushing the time as it is.”  Putting his keys in his pocket, he headed to the door.  “I shouldn’t be late, buddy.  I have a class at 11:00 also, then office hours.  See you later.”  He glanced at the aquarium and couldn’t see Oscar; he was hiding behind something.  I must be an exciting guy; even my fish doesn’t want to talk to me. Rick closed the door and took the elevator down.

    Standing under the building awning, he looked for a cab.  Seeing one, he stepped out from under the shelter into the monsoon and tried to wave the cab down.  It passed by.  If I don’t catch one in the next couple of minutes I’ll be late anyway, he thought.  He spotted another cab and stepped out to get the driver’s attention.

~~~~~

    Sara quickly dressed in her best power suit; a black linen knee length pencil skirt with matching blazer, and a white silk blouse, adding sheer black stockings and short heeled black pumps.  Sara thought she would need all the confidence she could muster today.  Quickly, she pulled a brush through her thick auburn hair, looked in the mirror and waved her hand at the image in disgust.  “I can put on my makeup in the cab,” she muttered.  I hope I can find some earrings in the bottom of my purse, she thought grabbing her laptop and bag.

    “See you later, Stubbs.  Hopefully someone will be doing something after work, maybe dinner and a movie.”  Who am I kidding?  Everyone is either married, attached, or some kind of whacked nutcase.  I’ll be home alone again.  She closed the door behind her, rushed to the elevator, and waited for it.  As the doors opened into the lobby she quickly exited the elevator and saw a cab pulling to the curb in the rain.  I’m in luck, I’ll take that cab, that guy will have to wait.

~~~~~

      As Rick opened the door a woman pushed him aside saying, “Sorry, I can’t be late today.  I am so sorry.”  She was in the cab rattling off an address to the cabbie before Rick knew what had happened.

    Catching a glimpse of lush auburn hair Rick said, “Well, maybe we could… share the…”  The door slammed and the cab sped away.  Shit, even she is toxic, he thought as he stood in the rain.  God, I don’t want to look for another job.   Rick wasn’t sure which bothered him more, losing his position at the University or discovering the woman with the auburn hair was like all the other women he knew.   

    It was the woman, he decided, while tilting his face to the sky.  Tears of frustration and sorrow mixed with the rain.

~~~~~

    Oh my God!  That was him, Sara realized as the cab entered traffic.  Turning, she looked out the rear window.  The man was standing on the curb with his face to the sky, the rain soaking him.  What have I done?   Tears welled in her eyes.

    Saturday morning at 6:00, Sara found herself in bed, wide awake and staring at the ceiling.  This is ridiculous.  The one morning a week I can sleep as late as I please, and I have been awake for an hour.  No way am I getting back to sleep.   Deciding to go to the coffee shop on the corner, she got out of bed and took a quick shower.  Skipping the remainder of her morning routine, Sara pulled on a pair of jeans, a comfortable old, worn blue pullover sweater, and pair of running shoes.  She spent a minute combing her hair and then pulled it back into a ponytail, using a blue scrunchy to keep it in place. 

~~~~~

    Uncharacteristically, Rick sat with his back to the room.  He stared unseeing out the window into the never ending rain.  He was uncomfortable.  He didn’t belong here, but he liked the aroma of the strong coffee brewing.  He didn’t drink lattes or cappuccinos.  In truth, he didn’t know what they were.  He sipped a cup of black coffee with an untouched toasted, plain bagel and cream cheese in front of him.  At his right elbow a stack of midterms waited to be graded.  His mind was a dull blank.  Gazing at the exams, he had no interest in grading them or whether his students had learned anything so far this term.

~~~~~

      As Sara turned from the counter with her cappuccino and chocolate muffin, she noticed the man.  It was him.  Without thinking she moved towards him.  He looked lost in thought and didn’t notice her approaching the table.  She stood looking down at him as he gazed out the window, absorbed in the rain.     

    “Excuse me,” Sara asked, “do you mind if I sit with you?”

      As he turned his head he spoke, “Well, no, of cour…” his voice trailed off as the recognition became apparent in his eyes.  He dropped his head a bit and looked around the cluttered the shop.  He’d never noticed all the rusted tin signs before, or the old photographs of flowers.  There was only one other customer.  “No… no of course not,” he politely muttered, “but there are plenty of other seats available.”

    One corner of her mouth turned up in a tentative smile.  “Yes. I know…  I was hoping you would give me a chance to apologize about yesterday morning.  I was terribly late…  I… That’s no excuse for what I did though.  I am sorry.”

    She stood awkwardly before him.  He again looked about the room, then up at her, as his eyes softened.

    The smile playing at her lips moved into her green eyes.

    “Sure, please sit down,” he said, as he stood up waiting for her to be seated.  “I’m Rick,” he extended his hand.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

    “Sara, and the pleasure is all mine, Rick,” she said, taking his hand.

    Both sat and smiled shyly.