It's Hard to Say Goodbye
the time and place of this event takes place in Great Falls, MO. On
October, 17, 1999.
I remember this day like it was just yesterday. It was early
morning. The sun was just creeping over the mountains. And the light
was pouring in through the window in my room. I threw my blanket off
of me and climbed out of bed. I walked over to my door, and opened
it. I had to stand on the tip of my toes to reach the door knob. The
reason for this is because I was short, and I just turned four about
three months ago.
I went down the hall to the bathroom. Then I walked in and shut the
door behind me. Right now I bet your thinking “How can she remember
this all.” Well I can remember things pretty easy by just looking at
a picture, and or asking my mom or grandparents questions. But back
to my story. When I was done I walked out and ran down the hall to
the living room. No one was awake yet not even my little brother
Justin. so I turned on the TV and watched the wiggles. Yes I loved
the Wiggles when I was younger. I still like to watch the show here
and there today.
While I was watching TV I heard a noise, but it was just my dad
packing for a fishing trip. My dad’s name was Brian, and he loved to
fish. He was going fishing with one of his friends from work. My dad
was in the air force. He worked as a nurse there. And that’s how he
met his friend through work. But I don't really remember his friends
name that well.
I walked up to my dad and gave him a hug and told him “good morning
daddy.” He picked me up and gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek. I
giggled at this, pretty much like every other little girl would when
there daddy gave them a kiss. He set me down and I tried helping him
pack. When I look back now I think it was so funny how I was trying
to help him pack his things. I was just throwing things in the
suitcase, and well anything I could get my hands on pretty much. He
just laughed at this and took some of the things out that I put in. I
asked why he did this and he told me “Sweetie I don't need all this
stuff just clothes.” I replied with ok.
By then everything was packed and ready to go. I tried pulling the
suitcase off the bed. It didn’t work very well at all. He picked up
the suitcase and carried it out to the car with the rest of the things
he needed, and put them in the trunk. When he walked back in I was
sitting on the couch watching the Wiggles on TV again. I looked over
and waved and then focused my eyes on the TV again.
Then my mom walked in the room. I yelled “Hi mommy!” She looked
back and smiled. And she walked right up to my dad and gave him a
kiss and told him to have a safe drive there and back. I'm not
really sure where he was going fishing but it was somewhere in
Montana. He kissed her back and said I will and walked out the door
and left. I kept thinking to myself if this would be the last time I
saw my dad. But I was sure he was coming back. And so was my mom I
could see it in her eyes.
By around eight o'clock there was a knock at the door. I was in my
little brother’s room watching a motorcycle movie with Justin my little
brother. I came out of the room and ran to answer the door. It was
the police; they asked if they could come in. So being a little kid
and not thinking I let them in. My mom was walking down the hall by
the time they walked through the door. She asked what the problem
was. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but my mom just
burst out in tears out of nowhere.
I just sat there on the couch and watched. I was four so I wasn't
really sure what was going on. My mom told me to go to Justin’s room,
so I did as I was told and went to his room. I sat next to Justin and
watched the rest of the movie. One of the cops came in and asked to
talk to me. I got up and walked to her and asked “yes?” Then she
told me something about my dad. She said these exact words that never
left my mind since. Sweetie your dad died in a car crash today around
three in the afternoon. I didn’t really get what she meant by died.
I was only four so I didn’t know what death or dying or any type of
word that referred to death meant for that matter. I simply said ok
and walked and sat next to my brother again. The cop just looked and
shook her head in dismay and left the room. I thought I heard her
whisper something under her breath but I wasn’t so sure.
That day now that I look at it and know what the cop actually meant,
is the saddest day of my life. I'll never ever forget it and neither
will my mom. It struck my mom really hard and currently she is
remarried now, and I now have four brothers instead of one. But
something always bothers me in my mind. I still wonder if she ever
thinks back to those days being married to Brian, and having just two
kids, one she gave birth to and the other adopted, which is me by the
way. And I wonder if she ever wants that other life back or if she’s
perfectly ok with the one she has now.
I know that right now my dad is somewhere safe up there you know. I
call it heaven. It’s supposed to be a safe place like it says in the
bible. But for some of you who aren’t Christian it might be different
for you. But when someone dies they either go to heaven or hell and I
know that my dad is in a better place. I miss him very much and I
dedicate this story to him. I feel that he is proud of me and proud
of what I have accomplished in my life so far. And I hope that he
knows that I still love and miss him very much, and there is always a
place in my heart for him. And that place will never leave me ever.
Thank you for reading this it means a lot.