And The Verdict Is

I don't even remember how I first found out about The Leten Adventure other than I saw it on WDC. I know I had already gone online seeking a way of experiencing and celebrating the Lenten season this year in a different way than I had before. I considered it and shoved it to the back of my mind because I saw the time it would entail, the number of days straight participants were required to post, write, and become involved. I knew my work schedule, worldly responsibilities, yadda, yadda, yadda. I decided it would be too much for me to try to keep up so I forgot about it.

Dad didn't.

I recieved an email from Bud Fields, who is the faithful guide of The Lenten Adventure. He was announcing last call on being a part of the adventure. My exact thoughts were, "Why God? You know how frustrated I become when not able to complete a task, especially of this magnitude, completely. You know what failure does to my emotions. You know I love you to the depths of my heart so WHY is it so important I go on this journey? Besides I see some of the other participants I recognize from the WDC family and I know their writing abilities far exceed mine and if I do something for Lent I need for it to focus on our relationship not my inept writing abilities."

Just as Christ did, I prayed for God to take this cup from me. I think you can guess the answer to that.

So now I KNOW I am supposed to be on the journey and begin it feeling there is no way I can adequately finish it....

I have never carried my mind to the Jordan River for more than a glance at the peaceful waters. Yes, I've envisioned that before. This adventure required me transport my body and soul back to that time, feel, experience in the same way the apostles and Jesus did the happenings of the day, the unrest politically, spiritually, personally through the eyes and experience of every range of class, religion, status, view of every human alive at that time. (If I had realized that is what Dad had in mind, I can assure you Bud would have received an email stating thanks, but I cannot participate at this time.)

I still have in the back of my mind, "None of these people REALLY know who you are so what will it matter if you just drop out when it gets too difficult."

Instantly, I am transported back to a time when I had similar thoughts....the day I got a job I did not want, did not ask for (long story) of transporting prisoners across the USA. I had in the back of my mind, "Okay God, so you have put me in this position. You know and I know I'll fail the school and training. I have never done this before and for the life of me I cannot see what you want me to learn from failing at this. Long story short- I excelled in the training and school. I became a Master Sergeant before health issues took me from the job. I loved it, experienced many miracles of God along the way. Saw Satan work in ways of excruciating horror, pain and agony for myself and others. Witnessed God's love and grace overcome it as surely as He did on resurrection day.....I cannot in the words required for this assignment share even a portion of that but am working on that story as well. When it is ready you can find it in my port with tales of how God's glory can be found in milk shakes and Hershey's kisses....

I should have known then the adventure was a MUST in my life to get to where Dad needs me to be for whatever it is He has in store for my future.

Through much research I learned of dusty roads, hunger (physical and spiritual), camaraderie of people who under ordinary circumstances would never have been friends in a time of extreme unrest. Dad works today just as He did then otherwise, how would we from such varied backgrounds and beliefs have come together, bonded, and become the family we are today?

I walked those dusty roads, felt the dankness, the darkness of the cave we occupied for such a long time. I ate dried figs and water just as they did further my reality of being a part of this adventure. I became Peter when portraying him. I learned from his mistakes and will carry that to my grave. I have many of Peter's traits and weaknesses and Dad opened my eyes and heart in ways no words can ever explain through this experience.

God allowed me to be in the boat as Jesus calmed the storm; walk the dusty paths and hide when necessary for safety's sake just as Peter did. God forgive me, He allowed me to understand though I did not personally deny Him as Peter did, the failure to do as He bids, failure to be as Holy as I am capable of I hurt Him no less than Peter did. Just because our sin is different doesn't mean it hurts God less. I found Dad loves me just as much as He does Peter. WOW! I've always know God loves me, but to realize He loves me just as much as He does the beloved apostles.....

We got into role portrayal so well, we even had Rufus, a wine-drinking, apple-eating lovable camel to keep our journey real. God used him well to show us how to laugh in turmoil, to find happiness in every instance, to share caring and friendship wherever we may be. If Dad can uses an old camel so well, think what he can do with a human...just sayin'.

I had no idea I could read so many books is such a short while and work and, and, and...but Dad made it happen. I learned new facts; I relearned old facts. I forgot to worry about punctuation, misspelled words, and grammar as I wrote the things Dad would have me share. I learned it was the meaning of the words to lives that counted. I learned that what Dad needed me to learn from the words could be entirely different from what He had in mind for another adventurer...He can use everything we say or do to His Glory in millions of different ways, to touch millions of souls, so YES every word we utter, every action we take has far reaching effects that we may not even be aware of.

And came the days Bud asked about death, sorrow, events that could help others understand and ourselves understand the emotions and physical reactions Jesus' death had on those who loved Him in those days. I am jumping at the bit now, for I have indeed been through those dark moments, days, weeks....this is something I can share and there not be a dry eye in the adventure...

And Dad said "Whoa!"

I argued, but listened. I was silent. (I can just hear my human father in heaven laughing and saying, "That's a new one.")

And now I will share some of my life before the adventure for it is time. I was born into a Christian home (Methodist) and raised in that church. My parents attended church every week and I had loving and knowledgeable Sunday School teachers to give me a wonderful foundation. I don't remember ever not knowing Jesus loves me. It's the understanding that makes the difference though.

My family on my mother's side is large-she had fourteen brothers and sisters. We were close, very close...still are. My dad's family was only his parents and one brother. My granddaddy was my very heart and I was his. Not one step did he take I was not there. He never went to church, but knew intimately the Word and showed me God in the pastures, the animals, the trees, the flowers, the vegetables, the fruit we grew. He lived and showed me how to treat others, to care for them, to be compassionate, to share Jesus.

So I had the best of two worlds- fellowship of church and intimate personal relationship with God.

I was overcome with grief when Gramp died, but knew where he was. I married and God blessed me with three children who are my heart now and always. My husband was a wonderful, caring man who let Ole Cornbread Face get a toe in, then a whole foot. He became an alcoholic and a mean one. Physical and emotional abuse was the normal for many years after that.

My mother was killed in a tragic accident and one week later I was diagnosed with cancer. Okay, so things aren't looking so good. My husband's abuse was escalating and came to a head when he refused to allow my children to attend a trip with the church they had worked very hard for to be able to attend. My sister was one of the chaperones so I knew they'd be cared for and watched after.

Long story short again-He got a gun and we were not leaving. I knew someone was about to be seriously hurt or killed. I lured him with an argument to a back bedroom where I was preparing clothes for the children to carry with them and the children (6 yrs, 9 yrs and 11 yrs) opened a window and escaped the house and got into our car. The 9 year old could drive and cranked the car.

When my husband heard it he ran for the front door, I exited through the open window the kids went through and my son drove out the driveway with me jumping in the back seat. He got safely from the house, I took the wheel and we never went back. All our clothes, shoes, toys, all belongings were destroyed. Laws weren't in existence to help someone in a "good ole boy" atmosphere of the South so I had my kids, a little yellow car (old beyond old), and seventeen dollars in the bank.

God is good and years later before my husband died, he accepted Christ's redeeming blood and died three days later of a massive coronary. I grieved....for time lost to the devil....for my children who never had a father to share life with...for many things and I don't have time to even express them and post this by 9:00 today. But yes, I understand grief, death....

The cancer...God cured me...and not just this time. I had a miracle done for this time...Had it twice more and God graced me with wonderful surgeons who put it in a garbage can...

I remarried after my husbands death and was devastated eight years later when he ran off with another woman as I recuperated from surgery taking all our belongings...had made arrangements with the financial company (it changed hands) with only his name on our doublewide home(which I lost), took out credit cards online in my name and social security number (he and his new love maxed them), and overdrew our bank account by five thousand dollars( I had to pay back). He disappeared.

Literlly disappeared... I did not know where he was for over five years, did not know if he were dead or alive for months, had no idea he had someone else in his life at this point. I found out and made contact with his mother. She knew but she is old. I did not bother her once she told me she could not tell me where he was. I knew it pained her and it was not her battle. Even his own children did not know. They love me and have stayed in contact with me through the whole thing.

He called my sister as if nothing had happened a few weeks after my dad died. (Husband's name is Bob)

Note: I lived for a year with my dad when his health failed and visited him at least once or twice a week when he chose to go to a VA home so I wouldn't have to quit my job. I had an AMAZING daddy who no little girl, nor woman ever can love their daddy more than I did mine. His last words were, "Jesus I love you." No, I don't wish him back here but I sure do look forward to being where he is.

Bob apparently keeps in touch with someone here to call when he did. He knows how much I loved my dad, but my sister doesn't give him my phone number or where am living. She tells him she will take a number and if I choose to call I could.

I wait three weeks and call. He wants to know if I want a divorce. DUH! I ask him the real reason he called. He says he is sorry to hear about my dad. What is going to happen to all his property? AHA!

In Mississippi when a couple divorce all property is divided in half. AHA! (It took all daddy had and then my two sisters and myself paying for his medical care.)

Un-huh buddy. I have already gotten a divorce on abandonment and even the Catholic church gave me an annulment. You have drained me of all the financial, emotional, and physical revenues already and God has let His glory shine through it and you need to go somewhere else.

Yes, I know destitution, hurt, abandonment, grief, darkness beyond black, deep swirling holes of depression, curling in a feta position and lying in bed for days, no food, no water, no hope.

I cannot relate all of those things here, now, but it is why I didn't post those experiences on the correct days. They would have taken eyes off of God and placed them on me. That is not what I wish, nor God. It would have been like Peter denying him, like Peter taking his eyes from the answer and sinking into the sea.

Each of those experiences is a story unto itself and my story. They are each a testimony of God's grace, His undying love, His unconditional love, His rescuing love, His comforting love for me....not you, not a pastor, not an apostle, not my children, but for me.

As is this Adventure. The purpose He had each of you go through it is for you alone to allow His Glory to shine today, tomorrow and hopefully unto eternity.

It is almost 9 and I could say so much more, but I suppose God has a future purpose for that too. I will be recording some of the things I have experienced for I see God can use them for His glory and to help others. There is not time for all of that now so you can keep tuned to my port and I will end with:

Me?...my adventure is just beginning in order to LET LENT LIVE.