Hello! I'm wizzie and I have reviewed your fantasy piece as an assignment for Rockin' Review Academy!. 
My First Impression: I assume this piece is a portion of a larger work. If it is, this section seemed to be an important rite or ritual. The first thing I noticed was the lack of a title for your piece that would give the reader an idea of what the story was about and so it was difficult at first to understand what was happening. Once I read it through I thought of some things that you might try to make this moment more compelling. Perhaps a title such as "The Ceremony" or "Graduation" might describe the story, but of course you may have one more suitable.
Characters: Your description of the demigods (demi-gods) left me wishing for more descriptive details and color about their "stunning beauty". I would like to "see" the waves of power they were displaying in more of the "show, don't tell" method. You make them sound fascinating and I believe beginning the story with the information in both paragraph one and three about the demi-gods and Noella would set the stage for you to flow into your main characters thoughts and actions and finally the importance of the envelope.
Spelling: I found many spelling errors: isle/aisle, u/you, cud/could, etc. Going back over your piece looking for these simple problems and correcting them would not only improve it but keep the reader from focusing on misspellings instead of your story.
Sentence Structure and Flow: Your sentences cover a wide array of feelings of dread and insecurity, thrill and excitement. Many could be combined to convey these feelings in a stronger format and help your story better flow. Here is an example of what I mean using the first few sentences.
It was just like me to stumble on the most important walk of my life so I focused all my energy staring at the people directly in front of me and kept my pace steady. It takes bursts of words and compiles them into one particular meaning. You may have a different method.
Thank you for the opportunity to read your story. Please take what I've offered and use it as you wish knowing that I hope to read more of your work.
"
Perfect 10 Sig"
Log In To Leave Feedback
Static Items
Books
Forums
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
