Paul Andrew Growing Up

Paul Andrew Growing Up

"Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, thats what little boys are made of."

It was the second day of August 1997. July was over a new month had begun. A baby

boy would be born today and his birth would bring long awaited joy to a family in waiting.

Paul Andrew was the first son, first child, first grandchild, first nephew, first great grandchild

and first grandnephew born into his family. If ever a child was loved it was he.

He was brought home from the hospital swaddled in love, to a beautiful newly built home

and his room was fit for this very welcome baby. His room was all the primary colors with

different colors on each window, red, yellow and green. Every piece of furniture

was new; every stitch of clothing was new. There was not one single item that a baby

required that was not his right from his first day of life.

His parents were healthy, young and very much in love and he filled their dreams to a tea.

He had two sets of grandparents all of whom were overjoyed at his perfection. There

were two great grandparents that were taken with him right from the start. His only aunt

would have placed a crown on his little head if it were possible. His was a kingdom of

people who adored him

Paul was a beautiful baby. His eyes were crystal blue and he had a full head of dark hair.

His color was pink and healthy right from the start. No flaws, no illness, no problems,

just a baby born into a perfect world.

His world was always a happy place. His smiles would light up the room and his

laughter filled the air. It was as though he had an angel of his own that made his world a

playground. Gifts were always abundant for him on birthdays and holidays. It was

almost to the point of excess. It was just the love for him left all wanting to give him all

that they could.

Paul progressed normally. His only delay was in speaking. He did not talk till after his

third birthday. The belief was, " why should he, everyone always gave him

everything,so what did he have to ask for." It was not till the morning after his third

birthday that he displayed the first signs of imperfection.

His personality changed that day. He began to display temper, as he had not done in the

past. He became very demanding and difficult to please. He would disrespect his parents,

grandparents, and anyone else who got in his way. All who loved him thought

It was a just a temporary stage that would pass. It did not pass. With time he only became

more difficult to handle.

There was a great deal of blame being taken all the way around by all the people who

loved him. Maybe it was his parents and their discipline method. Maybe it was his

grandparents who overindulged him with gifts and endless attention. The fact that he

spent too much time with all of them and not enough quality time with his parents was

another of the endless possibilities. Maybe it was his new brother who was born when

He was three years old and took the spotlight off of him. Whatever the cause, whatever

the reason it became apparent to all that Paul Andrew had a problem.

His parents took him to be checked repeatedly for chemical imbalance, personality

disorder or just simple behavioral issues. Over the years they were told his disorder was

simply his inability to accept discipline, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

His mother started keeping track of all his negative school history. His grades were fair

but he continued to get into trouble at school. There were numerous school bus incidents

of bullying where he was the bully and was thrown off the bus for a period of time as

punishment. There were more than six suspensions from school and punishments became a

regular event at home.

There were visits with several different psychologists over the years. He would seem to

adjust for a short time than almost on a monthly basis he would turn insolent and

disruptive and uncooperative at school for no apparent reason.

With early adolescence came new problems. He began lying.He would stay out late

on school nights, completely ignoring his curfew. He was arrested for breaking and

entering his school; He was in trouble for shooting an air gun at a passer by and hurting

them. His friends often made things worse. He made bad choices about who he

looked up to. He got involved with kids at school who had problems of their own and

just made his worse. He became friendly with a young man six years older than him who

was without parents or discipline and that was the worse change of all for Paul.

As this portrait evolved it should have been predictable that he would eventually end up

in Juvenile Hall, and so that is exactly where he did end up. The reasons were not

terribly significant and it was only due to his mother’s severe intervention that the police

opted to place him there for his own protection and the protection of others. His first

time was just a day then he was placed on house arrest. Back to school he went and

Because he broke into someone’s locker he went back to Juvenile Hall this time for two

weeks. When he came home they sent him back to school and on his second day in

school he hit a classmate and that caused him to have to go back once again.

Emails came to his parents daily about his obnoxious behavior and absurd statements.

He was always trying to shock people with his words. He would make his fingers into a

gun pose and point them and shoot. He made it impossible for the teachers to accept his

behavior. There was chaos in all his class caused by him.

Looking back over his life of thirteen years, The question keeps coming up, Why? How?

How did this child evolve into a juvenile nightmare?

Nobody could explain his attitude or his lack of concern for his family and loved

ones and particularly for his lack of love for himself.

All ask themselves," how did we fail him? " "Was there too much? " "Was there too little?"

" Should we held him tighter? "" Should we have loosened their grip?"

"Was it in the genes?" "Whose family or what individual can be responsible for this horrible

morphing of a young boy into a thoughtless angry manipulative young man. "

Once again the family waits for his two-week current assignment to Juvenile Hall to end and for

him to return to the arms of his family? Once again his parents prepare for him to get the

help to see his way out of a very dark tunnel. Once Again all must find another morsel

of hope to hang onto, in the hope that he will see the light or he will recognize what he needs

to do to put him on the road to a normal life. If love were enough, there would have been nothing

to write about. But unfortunately it was not enough.

We continue to love him and pray that good change will be coming soon and we will see what has been

missing for a long time. A happy healthy hopeful teenage boy.

"Snips and snails and puppy dog tails?" If only it were that simple.