Assignment Three Review

Hello! I'm wizzie and I have reviewed your story as an assignment for the Rockin' Review Academy!.

My First Impression: I'm always amazed when someone can write in such a way as to fascinate me. Your story leads me to think that you've written your thoughts as they occur; not in a formal, well-dressed approach, but in a way that puts the reader into your head listening as your thoughts are in action. The story appealed to me because I can relate to every topic you have addressed and have experience similar feelings about living in the city with all its delights and disappointments. The futility of giving to the street people and their persistence as a nuisance, when I needed every penny I worked so cheaply for. I like the twist at the end, the sarcasm and reality of this piece.

Characters: Your story teller is quite an unhappy person, locked into a vision of negativity about his surroundings. His honesty is harsh in an "in your face" kind of way that I wonder if he showed to anyone else. To me it is refreshing to speak in such a voice that leaves no question about how he feels. I notice he refers to the winos in an impersonal way using the word "it" until the last two paragraphs where he becomes more personalized using the words he and his.

Spelling/Grammar: The only spelling or misuse of words was in the fifth paragraph, first line with its/it's and in the sixth paragraph, line four where raise should be rise. In paragraph five, line two I would sugges a comma after "out" and continuing with "but when quitting time rolls around the business...."

Sentence Structure and Flow: Your sentence structure has a staccato affect which adds to the piece. Few people think in complete sentences and your style has a realistic "thinking" tone that makes the story believable. In paragraph five I would delete "and" after hot, and "I start to plan..." to I start planning my route...In paragraph six, last line, "Hey! Man!" add a comma and "he says".

Thank you for the opportunity to read your story. I enjoyed it immensely. Please take what I've offered and use it as you wish, or not, knowing that I hope to read more of your work. Keep on writing!

"Perfect 10 Sig"