Sad Love Letter

My darling girl,







This has been a lousy week in many ways. It’s probably less than a week since we had some fabulous times, but those days seem so far away. And the fear is that those days are over for good.



There was a time when thoughts like this used to only make my resolve stronger to keep Us going, but this is the first time I feel defeated. There are many reasons for this. Some because of circumstances, some because of things you consciously do, and others because my head is screwed up the wrong way.



(The above was written before you sent the msg about not using some words darling)



Ah, circumstances! Knew all about them or rather I thought I knew the ramifications when we first started this. But didn’t know that I would scale these heights in love with you darling, since I didn’t know they existed; at least not in me. Am finding it more and more difficult with every passing month to handle this darling. It’s as if you’re mine and it tears my heart and lets it bleed for long when I know you aren’t. Know vacations are required to recharge one’s batteries, but that doesn’t lessen the pain any bit. Not even a wee bit. Having to share you is one of those things that rips my heart into shreds every other day these days. Actually I don’t share you angel. I’m no one. I get a couple of hours a week if we are lucky and that’s it.



You. This is the more challenging part for me to handle. In our most tender moments, I honestly thought that excepting for circumstances, I was at the top of your list. But over time and many many occasions, I have realized that I’m there after most people you know, social engagements, etc. And yesterday I realized that I’m after even your vacations. Just typing those words make me misty-eyed. Lots of things I would like to do darling, but they all pale in comparison to being close to you. Saddens me beyond words angel that you think differently and I figure last on your list. Sometime I feel I don’t know you at all. And that I’m delusional about our love and what it means to you. Sometimes I want to do something stupid just so you too will know the pain I feel. Yesterday was another time I felt like if there was no Us, you’d still me fine. Yes, there will be moments when you’ll miss me, but you’d go through life ticking off other stuff to

do. More places to see, more people to meet, friends to stay in touch with, etc. Feel like I’m an incident in your life. That’s all



Me! This is the stupidest part. I should ideally have most control over this, but sadly it seems like I have no control over this as well. I should know that I can’t have you. That I shouldn’t feel jealous of others who can spend time with you. I shouldn’t feel jealous about your boss, or your friends, or your acquaintances. Yet I do. My brain says don’t. My silly heart overrules it and aches and pains till I go insane. Not sure what has come over me darling. It’s as if every small thing hurts. Wish I could stop it. But know if I do, I would just go cold.



So there you are. You n I and circumstances are driving me insane. If you come back from your vacation and find me in a padded cell, you know the reason why! Just feeling so sad and so low, can’t seem to shrug it off angel.



Loving you lots though. If you were wondering about it.



D0



P.S. Back again to zero and I don’t like this either