What Happened to Danny?

Danny was an artist that painted my face and hair with language. It was as if he held a mirror up and I could see myself through his eyes. But Danny is gone now.

Danny said his life changed when he saw me the first time. We sat on a coral Bermuda beach facing each other.

He put my face in his hands. "I watched you hold a conch shell to your ear. It was as if you were listening to a melody written just for you."

I could feel myself blushing. He touched my hair gently.

“Your chestnut hair is beautifully wild. I want to run my fingers through it...to capture the scent. Intoxicating; ocean breezes, coconut and hibicus blooms.”
I was stunned by his words and listened as my heart quickened.

“The sun god has blessed you.... perfect honey blush on your cheeks, lips naturally glisten. Do you know you run your tongue gently over them? A woman doesn't realize how alluring that is. You, my love, are a rare jewel. A naturally beautiful woman who doesn’t know it."

"You give the impression of an innocent child.... not needing to please anyone. Something we all wish for. Perhaps you still believe in White Knights and Princesses...Sir Galahad ...the frog that becomes a Prince. I want to be that for you. I will sweep you up in my arms.. away from rising water and slay evil dragons."

I will always love Danny for those words because I saw myself in a new light after he spoke them.

My mind is on rewind to when I arrived in this exotic paradise. The hibiscus plants surround me, exotic colors of the islands; sunrise sensation, paradise passion, and tangerine temptation. They are emitting intoxicating fragrances. Looking out at the coral beach from a luxurious bungalow in Bermuda, it is an easy decision to skip my five mile run.

I sip the strong native Kola coffee. It is the beginning of another enjoyable day for local people. People here believe Americans live crazy lives; fast paced, have to cram everything in, and work endlessly. The natives enjoy talking about "the movie people." They watch us with curiosity as we shop and seldom relax to enjoy the beaches and serenity.

On the island, people enjoy all aspects of life. Working is a passion. From the time they are children they find a craft they like and excel at it. If they tire or become bored, often they choose something else and adjust their own hours. My friend, Juan, says serenity is a better indicator of personal satisfaction. People here live modestly, but with joy. Most don't even have a car. Considering inflated gas prices, that makes complete sense.

The cast were all celebrating the film about to be shot on location with the unmatched pink beaches and crystal waters of Bermuda.

It is an action film concerning "The Bermuda Triangle" a mysterious place where ships and planes disappear. It is an area between Florida and Bermuda in the Atlantic Ocean. Thought of as a "limbo of the lost," the legend began with lost ships before the Civil War. There are many discussions on the set about whether the stories are true, planes that suddenly lose transmission and they never find the crew, passengers or ship. Some believe there is a vortex, a black hole said to transport people into a third dimension.

After only three weeks I began having a romantic love affair with my costar, Danny Moyer. He had made himself well known on the Broadway stage and is a respected director and actor. We seem to have a chemistry that carries over to the characters.

I feel so fortunate to be selected for the role. It is a chance to learn. He makes the role his own and yet is known to be very generous with those he is sharing a scene with. I have never worked with a director that listens to a change I want to see in my own character.

Then there is our personal relationship, our bodies fit and he still gives me the space I crave.
"Is that good for you?"
I have never had a man ask before.
Lovemaking is the wildness of white caps, and then as waves gently wash to shore I feel a blissful climax. No fireworks that we have to discuss just the calm chi of the moment.

Danny spoke of what was next, a possible ski trip, from the surf to the snow. It sounds so sincere. We run our lines together almost every night. Most Directors love chemistry that translates on screen. They encourage it, even feed it to the tabloids. It is hard to fake. Between us, it is the real thing.

I whisper, "Let's climax to my dressing room." His smile makes rainbows without the rain.

Each morning I watch the sun rise. Seagulls dive and play amoung the waves crashing. The intensity of waves crashing during a storm is a warning. King Neptune does become very angry. He can toss ships like matchsticks. I have always loved the water; since I was a toddler. My parents really had to watch me. I was drawn to waves, running for shells, ignoring danger in spite of the constant movement of everything. Nature is an amazing contrast, from savage to serene in a matter of turning the hourglass.

Shells on this coastline are extraordinary vibrant colors; as if they are made on the ocean floor only moments before for your personal delight. You gaze at them with awe, reluctant to pick them up because they might crumble and anger the Mighty Neptune, himself possibly the mischievous maker of the Bermuda Triangle. One made about as much sense as the other.

People here talk of one thing they have seen that terrifies them and it only happens every ten years or so. Some believe the "monster in the clouds" must be fed.
I spoke with one of the local merchants, a sweet woman that is usually laughing. She is afraid of this monster. When the sky becomes very black, all people take shelter. It appears like a black hand has come out of the sky.

She swears," I saw this thing, through black clouds, reach down and take a small child."

The woman notified the police. No one knew who this child was. This is a place where the locals know their own. So did it really happen? People, both locals and tourists, love stories like this and embellish them.

There were only six more weeks of shooting. My scenes are over but they pay me well to be available. Then the junket starts with morning news shows, night shows, and all the variety shows that will book us. You smile until your face hurts and say the same things over and over. It does sell the movie and that is a portion of your paycheck. It also attracts other directors or producers that might notice you. It is tiring being in the spotlight.

Each film or show is different and you never know what it will bring. A new project usually means a whole new cast, along with mostly new people behind the scenes, and the director and producer that might be new to you. You have preconceived ideas of the cast members and the director, but most negative ones aren't true. I have genuinely liked most of the actors and even if the chemistry isn't quite right on, I have learned from them. Each actor comes with their own suitcase of techniques.

None of us can ever predict an audience. From the time I read the screenplay and find out the choices for the roles and the director, I am sure this will be a blockbuster.

So, I enjoy the view, shopping in the quaint antique stores, reading, and long walks. The lovemaking was an extra special bonus. Now that the end of the movie is close, Danny has been acting distant so I don't push. Things are what they are. I say that but it isn't true.

I began feeling the crippling depression. I have been off my medication and should have called the psychiatrist to reorder. I should also be seeing a therapist.

I believe I am in love with Danny, really "in love."

I have a bad habit of doing this and I know how it usually goes. I am my own worst enemy. Bipolar Disorder can be a killer. The manic phase is like being on cocaine where you stay up for days, and then you have to take something to bring you down like alcohol, pot or tranquilzers.

The symptoms of a manic episode often include elevated mood, being extremely irritable and anxious, talking too fast and too much, and having an unusual increase in energy and a reduced need for sleep. I know I was manic much of the time we were filming.

Our mornings off the set were sun kissed. Our mouths eager for each other, tasting salty and sweet. Danny and I took china plates to bed with champagne, feeding each other fruits, making love, and then sticky with juice, we ran naked to the beach. We splashed, laughing like kids.

The symptoms of a depressive episode often include an overwhelming feeling of emptiness or sadness, a lack of energy, a loss of interest in things, trouble concentrating, changes in normal sleep or appetite, and/or thoughts of dying or suicide.

Danny had one more scene where he takes off in a small Cessna and disappears over the "Devil's Triangle."

The last thing his character says is, "I see the Aurora. It is stunning."

Then his radar is gone from the screen. They shot successfully with Danny as the pilot and a veteran pilot along. The weather and lighting was right.

Danny walked away to his Harley. It disappeared over the dunes. He didn't tell anyone where he was going. Nothing new.

Danny didn't come back to me that night but he always "needs his space after a dramatic scene".


The next morning I hear sirens and there is a Rescue Unit on the beach. My heart beat quickens. I didn't remember anyone swimming in this area of the beach. Only a strong swimmer could survive the undertow.

I see Susan Ebbs, our producer, speaking to a lifeguard, then sink down to the sand, a collapsing puppet. I see her mouth wrench open but am too far away to hear her screams. I grab a robe and hurry to the area. Everyone pushes me back but I see something. Suddenly everything blurs and I am behind a curtain, lost in a cobweb nightmare.

When I come to consciousness, an antiseptic smell lets me know I am in a hospital. The medical staff think I have only fainted. I know what I saw on the beach were the clothes Danny had on. I am released from the tiny hospital with pain they cannot repair.


In the movie, he is not found, no trace of plane parts or a landing, just gone. In real life he is not found either. Maybe this is how he does things, because he stays in character during the movie. He is a graduate of The Strasburg Studio.

I can imagine him at a bar, getting off his bike in chaps. He's on a vacation for himself, playing a new part as a Private investigator, looking for the murderer of an actor in Bermuda. The trail has gone cold and only he can find this person. She didn't mean to kill her lover but she has some mental problems no one knew about.

I think it was two weeks ago police officers were standing by my bed. They ask about my relationship with Danny and questions about the last time I saw him. I begin to cry and can't stop.

It remains an open case. The screenplay is being changed. I am trying to move on. The different possibilities of what could have happened are all over television and the rags. The tabloids offer me money for a story I don't have.

I miss Danny. I have decided to stay here a while. My agent has sent me scripts. They lay in a pile on the floor untouched.


By Kathie Stehr
Edited May 2012