His New Job

                                                                                  His New Job



    As he sat in front of the interviewer, nervous about his past jobs, he said, "I hope everything is okay. Some of my jobs were a little short."

    Looking through the resume, a  worried look on his face, the interviewer said, "I noticed your resume is impressive but somewhat long."

    "I know.  I had forty pages, but I shortened it."

    "First, you don't stay at a job too long, do you?"

    "Well, I think it's good to experience many jobs."

    " According to your work history your longest job was four days."

    "Actually it was five."

    "It says here you were an assistant at a nursing home for the elderly. Why did you leave?"

    "They said I pushed an old lady down the stairs but I was only trying to help her. How could I know she was deaf."

    "What happened?"

    "She fell but had only a few broken ribs."

    Thumbing through the resume, gazing at his work experience, he said,  "I see here you were a security guard at a mime school.  Why did you leave?"

    "It was okay, but they sure don't communicate well."

    "You were also a parking attendant at a parking lot.  I called them and they said you were very careless."

    "Careless?  All I did was knock off some guy's mirror.  Those parking stalls are just too damn small."

    "But they said it was a Rolls Royce."

    "People are too fussy about their cars if you ask me."

    "We can overlook some of these things, but what about this job at the hotel.  They said you got a man's wheel chair caught in the revolving door.  What happened?"

    "Okay, so he got caught, but he should have told me it wouldn't fit."

      The hotel said it took hours to get him out."

    "No way, it only took one hour.  Those firemen don't know what they're doing."

    "One more thing, you were a lifeguard at a beach and three people drowned on your watch."

    "Well, they couldn't even swim, it wasn't my fault, besides, I was distracted."

    "How were you distracted?"

    "There was a contest."

    "What kind of contest?"

    "It was the Smallest Bikini Contest.  You wouldn't believe how tiny those bikinis were".

    "Your letters of recommendation are impressive.  How did you know The Pope?"

    "He was a pal in grade school. Great guy."

    "So, you really want this job?"

    "I don't like bragging but I'm the best."

    Sighing, the interviewer said,

    "Congratulations, you got the job.  Here's the job description, read it and sign here."

    "I hate to complain but it's hard to sign with these arm restraints."

    "Of course They will take them off when you get to your office.  Have a nice day and again, congratulations."

    As the secretary lead him out the door, he turned saying,

    "By the way, I meant to ask you, how many Disciples do I get?"