To Those I Love

Nothing hurts me worse than my phantom presence in your lives. I wish I was constructed in such a manner as to be more available to the people I love, both physically and emotionally. I drift in and out of your lives like fog, even when I am around a part of me remains somewhere else.

I don’t utilize the time I do have to enjoy you all, the people who mean the most to me. The time is so short, and I squander it as a hungry drunk, given a meager pittance on which to sustain myself and I throw it upon that which destroys me. I find myself most comfortable in the embrace of solitude. She is my beautiful affliction who beguiles and entices me to neglect those who desire my attention. Perhaps one could consider it selfish, though none of you have ever been so callous as to openly accuse me of such.

I would like to take this time to offer a thousand proclamations of my love and adoration for you all. Every time the sinister forces of life wear upon me, demanding I fall before them and succumb, you have been the salves which sooth my wounds and the nectar which permits me to continue. You are the glimmer in the darkness when it closes in thick around me. The mere thought of you throws radiance upon me and reminds me, in the times when I am in danger of forgetting, I have a home.

Whether it be a Mother’s grimace at my off-color jokes, the jocular repartee between an uncle and his nephews, tickling the seraphic face of a young lady as she basks in serene sleep, a hug from a gorgeous niece who though impish on average has the ability to display pure love and affection; still yet uncorrupted by the pains and injustices of life, even suffering the verbal abuses of a girl whose sharp tongue would be more at home in the mouth of a young ruffian as opposed to a pretty face. It all provides me with a warmth for which I sought a source more me than half my life.

It is always a dreary day in which I leave you all. When next I arrive I want you all to know without any doubt that you all occupy an indelible spot in my heart.