Ten years later

Everyone who already knows, is aware of what tomorrow is. I am one. Tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of the events of 9/11. Ten years ago two beautiful towers collapsed and other destruction rained across the northeast at the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania. One common question I am asked is "What does the event mean for you?"

I see the event as a historic and significant event. There is no denying it occurred. There is no forgetting about it, There is no rewind. It means tomorrow I will turn on the TV, live through the recaps. And at some point, move on with my day. However the biggest problem I face with those asking the questions is they want to know if it changed me politically or made me a better citizen.

The answer is no.

However it has affected me as a writer. In slight ways anything I write, good or bad, is a reflection of my inner self. Even more so now than ever before. When it comes to the events of 9/11 I learned another fact about myself. I am not patriotic in nature. While I own flags, respect the office president regardless of who is in the office and as a child I grew up in the arms of the military; I am not very patriotic. So as a writer and a reader I did not develop the pull to slip in that direction.

Which doesn't mean I didn't write about 9/11. That wouldn't be me. About two years later, I posted on WDC a piece I wrote about what I remembered. "I remember"  A short piece. The most significant memory for me was walking back into the room after waking my son and seeing only one tower. The feeling of not being aware of what had happened to the other one for several minutes stays strong in my mind. Even now, I still watch recaps trying to see what I didn't see that day.

"I remember"  is short and doesn't show much reflection on that day. But it wasn't meant to. While everyone around me raced to write about how anger they felt or how they suddenly want to join the service, I just wanted to express shock. I wrote it without thinking. Just a quick piece of expression.

While many refused to look at video, pictures, etc of that day; I went all over anything I could get my hands on. It is true when I write that I dealt with the day by thinking of those buildings. Cops laugh at crime scenes to ease the pain, and thus I admired and cried over the loss of the buildings instead of the people.

With the videos, pictures and later the documentaries, came images of more and more people fleeing the scene. And with it come a picture of a woman. She was walking with others and she was looking down at her sweater. Over time I saw her in my head. Who was she? What did she do with the sweater? And so on the fifth anniversary, I wrote "Blue Sweater" . This is something I would do. I tend to latch onto stuff that are connected to both good and bad memories.

By the time the sixth anniversary came, I had shifted focus. For many survivors, witnesses and the public in general, the focus was on growth and rebuilding. While the World Trade Center sight dealt with the delays on the rebuilding, most of the population seemed to be moving forward just fine. As a writer I was involved more in less random pieces and focusing on fewer projects at a time. I fell in love with National Novel Writing Month and was developing stronger female characters that were maturing.

And with it came "Steel"  I was between relationships at the time and felt the need to continue to express pieces with strong women without men. And "Steel"  was one of them.

Sad thing was I had to add the disclaimer at the top. I got tired of explaining the title. Titles are often symbolic in nature, but it also taught me that 9/11 still remained strong and forefront in peoples minds and many were not ready to "think outside the box" when it came to fiction pieces relating to the day. The public still wanted facts. Answers.

The following year I wrote "Last Request" . But it wasn't written for 9/11. It was written for a memorial day prompt for a daily WDC contest. That spring was one several bad ones for me. And the trouble with depression is that it can kill. I was aware of the dark place my mind was headed and I turned to my National Novel Writing characters to try to come out of it. I worked on the back story of Nevada and Christina and with it a scene developed. That scene turned into "Last Request" . When Nevada is picturing the graduation party, she is picturing the scene I had in my mind.

And thus "Last Request"  was born.

Since then, I have written nothing else related to 9/11. Till this piece. But its effects on me as a writer continue. In its one subtle ways the events of 9/11 and how I dealt with it, even in my unpatriotic ways, has helped me grow and develop stories.

The only (so far) National Novel Writing Month novel that I finished has my man character taking on her own inner demons, a group of bad guys and , the US government all at once. Before 9/11 would I have thought of it? Maybe not. Before 9/11 I wrote simple cheery pieces. After 9/11, I watched more news, read more facts, more history and kept refusing to take what the press tossed at me as the gospel truth. And with that, when a event in my family life occurred I refused to take the fact I had been lied to laying down.

And a character who faced a new reality was born. Christina did what I couldn't. Dove into her family history and fought back. Before 9/11, I would have just read a few books, cited a few sources and called it good. Now I know what I see isn't everything. And my character doesn't either.

When another ten years has past, who knows how else I will continue to grow.