"Dear" Kennedy

Kennedy (and do not expect this to begin with a ‘dear’, a formal ‘dear’. Those words and your name together disgust me.),

I remember January, do you? I remember the nights you made me cry and I yelled I love you, and you simply said, in a husky voice, “Get your priorities straight, babe.” Babe, you called me babe! Oh, the nerve. When I asked what you meant, you did not clearly respond. You’re the best at leaving questions left unanswered, and the way you lie deserves a gold star burnt to your pale, pale skin!
I should not say these violent words. Fire and fire make more fire, they tell me. Why they tell me this, I am sure you know the answer to. When you broke my fast-beating heart, I broke a few of your veins! Bruise after bruise after bruise after bruise. It seemed to never end.
“Girl, wanna have a little fun?” you asked. You sicken me. You sicken me from my churning stomach to the insides of my snowy bones. But one cannot lie; I did feel obliged to have “a little fun” with you. Click, picture, sent. Click, picture, sent. Click, picture, …what was I doing?
And now, despite the time I stuck my left wrist in your face and said, “Look what you did!” with blood running down, you have chosen a different girl.. a different girl to play my part. Oh, how I despise you for that. To think, she used to be my best friend. You soiled our friendship like you soiled what could have been our relationship.
Remember the book I made you for Christmas one year? Yeah, the one with the list describing every last thing I ‘loved’ about you. The one with the picture I drew that claimed you made me feel like I was living in a dream. The one I showed no one, since it was made for only an angel’s eyes. The one I put hours and hours of effort into because “you deserved the very best”. Sorry honey, but you deserve far less than the best.
But that was when I thought I loved you. I thought that I needed you to live. I thought that without you, my heart would break. I thought that without you nothing else was important. Through the darkness of the world, I only saw you. Through the twists and turns of my never-ending problems, I saw you there to comfort me. I thought I loved you, loved you, loved you, but I did not. Love is nothing physical anyway. Love isn’t sitting at home waiting for a text that says only, “hello.” Love isn’t insecurity and wanting comfort and needing to know that the one you feel so strongly for can return those feelings. That isn’t love.
What you gave me “babe,” was a glimpse into reality, and maybe, just maybe, I hate you for that.



Sincerely,
Your ‘loving’ ex-girlfriend.