Poem about ocean--Rough Draft (ROUGH)

Transported by the aimless rise and fall of the ocean, I find myself in a place of healing.  The water gently cradles me, and the warmth of the sun seeps into my soul, cleansing me of worry and doubt. 

My breath rises and falls in rhythm with the ocean, and my body fills with the salty air of self-indulgent euphoria.

The receding waves carry with them my need to be in charge of Life.  I am relieved of my self-imposed burdens, and serenity takes their place. 


These are just the thoughts put on paper.  Haven't had time to work with them.

Pat Nelson
Sept. 16, 2011

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Notes from Liam

I really like what you have so far. I think this has tremendous poetic potential.

Two thoughts jump out at me immediately. One is, that rhythm can be a powerful ally if you capture a parallel rise and fall between sound and content.

The other thing that captured my attention was the symbolism that may be reavealed by the use of "liferaft" either though metonomy, metaphor, or simile. This seemed a unique opportunity for the content.

Have a great day, and good fortune with this project,
Liam