Truth and Lies

FAT Sub Par
UGLY Never thin enough
Alone Left OUT Smart enough
WHAT is up with my hair? Pretty enough

I've been having a problem lately. I am 155 lbs, and 5'8". I am not overweight, but it's hard not to feel like it. People these days, girls especially, are overly fixated on outward appearances. We aren't even interested in health anymore, as it deemed better to be stick skinny than five pounds heavier than the girl next to you. I used to be thinner, perhaps 15 to 20 pounds so. Over the past couple of years, and due in part I believe to medication I was taking, I gained a lot of weight. Regardless of the how or why I gained it, I was now stuck with it. I've lost about ten pounds and was pretty please with myself... until I got into a dressing room with my sister. I love my sister, and thank goodness she loves me too because if she asked me to change it would crush my already tanked self esteem. She is gorgeous, and even if I wasn't 'fat' I'd be envious of her. People say not to look at models and wish you looked like them because they are all airbrushed. My sister isn't, however, and if Barbie weren't made of plastic I think she would look just like my sister. I am planning on trying to lose at least 10 or so more pounds, and came to a conclusion. I have to like myself now.

NOW
NOW
NOW


I have to be able to look in the mirror, and love the girl that's staring back at me before anything changes, perhaps even regardless of any change at all. If I don't, I have a feeling I may never be satisfied. If I don't love my self, for who I am, what is a ten pound difference going to do for me? What is clear skin going to change in my heart? What is a new haircut going to do for the emptiness and loneliness I feel inside? See, I think we've been going about this the wrong way. I think that we try to fix the outside without looking at the inside. That's why people spiral out of control. They plan on losing five pounds, they do it and feel great until they see their super skinny friend again at the mall. So they lose a few more, but aren't happy. Without intending to, they end up with an eating disorder and even lower self esteem than they had in the beginning. If we can learn to love ourselves now, regardless of what 'they' say, what the magazines advertise, and what we see in other girls, we'll find actual happiness. We'll be pleased when we lose the weight, or grow out of the acne, or finally get our growth spurt. But even if we never lose a pound, or get over those pockmarks, or grow another inch... we'll love ourselves, and that will be enough.

I am not advertising ignoring your health, nor saying that it's going to be easy to change something that's been drilled into our brains by the media practically since birth. I myself am just starting. But I think it will be a worthwhile change, and I hope you do too. And another thing to remember, is that no single human being on earth (even an identical twin if you happen to have one of those lying around), is you. YOU are the only YOU you got. So make the make the most of it. Make the most of you.