The Gospel According to Izzy Schwartz

WC 595

The Gospel According to Izzy Schwartz

By Jack Rawlins

And so it came to pass that all the isms had perished from the face of the earth. Gone, too, were all ists like communists, populists, conservationists, capitalists, liberalist, etc. All were kaput. So too, were all doctrines, rules and regulations. Everybody did the right thing. Greed was abolished; there was no longer any need. All living creatures had what they wanted and stopped eating, beating or cheating one another.

And the wise people ignored all false prophets including some turkey who came forward and said, “Before me there were only butterfly nets, fish nets, hair nets, net stockings and Victoria’s Secret net undies. So I invented the internet.”

No one listened. He was labeled spam and barred from cyberspace. .

And as prophesized, it finally happened: The meek inherited the earth. Well, they didn’t exactly inherit it. They taxed the rich people into oblivion…then they took what was left. And the four horsemen of the apocalypse? They never showed up. Armageddon? There was no longer war, only peace and good will to all men and women regardless of sexual orientation. Love thy neighbor became a reality, and there was a lot of that going on.

Politicians and lawyers were respected. No one was protesting. No one was bitching. Supply and demand had failed. There was no need for either, either. People had every thing they wanted.

Yet, the people wanted more. They just didn't know what. They had already taken everything away from the rich. Now, they had no one to blame. What’s more, coup d’ tats were passé. There was nothing to take over.

Thus it came to pass that a giant, malignant malaise crept throughout the world.


It did not go unnoticed. Nada, The Big Kahuna, now accepted by all faiths (of which there was little) looked down and said, "This isn't working as well as I thought it would. You people are never satisfied. I gave you everything needed to make your lives one extended happy hour. And what thanks do I get? None. Nobody prays for anything any more. They don't ask because they’ve already got everything. . I get no respect. “

So when he/she could find somebody to listen, an angry Nada stepped into a burning bush and blistered, "Enough, already, damn it. You people can't handle the real thing; I'll give you a world where nothing is real.”


But then she/he softened and said, “Well, since you people are not happy with the real world that I created for you, I'll give you a virtual one that you can’t screw up.

“Based on past experience, it will probably take me about seven days, six if I push it. But this time, I’m not going to send my only begotten son to help you out. Instead I'm putting Cherubim Chip Pentium in charge with directions to be fruitful and multiply. He will beget all the micro Chips needed to create a virtual world that you can populate with nice or nasty; handsome or ugly; .weird or wonderful, avatars. .Now, whatever your bored little brains can imagine--you can create and have a virtual life that obviously means more to you than the real thing.”
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And after six days and six all-nighters, Nada, nodded, and said, "Oh yes!" And with a self congratulatory high-five he/she smiled and saw that it was good.

On the seventh day, Nada rested and played Super Mario Brothers with his /her assistant, Gabriella.

And that is the Gospel, according to Izzy Schwartz.

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