LESSON 4--From the ground up class

lesson 4 static item


Elusive Imaginings
...like feathers on the wind...

A fragile figment flutters softly down,
landing with grace but not a single sound.
Feather soft, it sits on the barren page;
awaiting my pen which will craft its stage.

Pen, hand as one begin to form and shape;
fashioning the scene, designing the drape.
Fair figment hovers on the gentle breeze
created by pen strokes flowing with ease.

Then, a darkened cloud suddenly takes form,
strong blowing wind: it's threatening to storm.
I grasp at the figment, but it takes flight
before i can grasp, it is gone from sight.

I wait in the darkness, holding my pen,
hoping the notion will arrive again;
but it is gone – this i must consent.
My figment has flown, folded up its tent.


Elusive imaginings float on the wind;
when one flutters by, I'll begin again


1. Is the poem interesting?
Yes. It poses interesting metaphores for the reader to use in gleaning its meaning.

2. Does the poem sound melodic?
Yes, I feel melody in the wording and rhythm.

3. Does the poem say something? Does it have depth?
yes; it reveals the poet's inner feelings through metaphor.

4. Is the poem too abstract? Can you understand the message?
I can understand the message, but there are obscure references thrown in.

5. Does the poem have power or beauty or both?
both

6. Does the poem contain common clichés?
no

7. Do the words in the poem seemed forced to conform to the form or line syllable count?
no, they flow easily

8. Is the poem's punctuation used effectively?
I added a lot to it.

9. Are there any interesting words in the poem?
figment, elusive, tent

Personal Impression--very satisfying

Tone & Mood--sort of dreamy

Rhyme, Form & Flow
flow is gentle due to "comfort" words; use of rhyme is skillful. The rhyme is consistent and satisfying, but not too "in your face" and not forced.

Emotional Impact--dreamy, ethereal

Grammar/Punctuation--I added a lot of grammar; the original as presented had very little.

Poem:

ID: 1817413   (Rated: E) Set to Treasure and Relax In Peace?  poem for lesson 4 by Jennyj