Lockdown at Alley-opp Girls' High

WC 498

The Lockdown at Alley-oop Girls’ Alternative High School

By Jack Rawlins

“Mr. MacAnanny, I’m Ernest Humper, from The Lestchester Times. I’m anxious to get your comments on the riot here at Alley-oop yesterday.”


"Call me Mac. Kids call me Big Mac. And it wasn’t a riot. Just an event.”

“Then why did you have a lockdown?’

“One of the cafeteria ladies freaked and called 911 when she saw the girls yank down my pants. I could have handled it.”
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“You’re the Security Officer. Why didn’t you call?”

“I didn’t need help. I breakup fights all the time. Besides, they took my cell phone.”

“The riot started as a fight?

“Now I told you once and I’ll tell you again: Wasn’t no riot!”

“Okay, Mac. What started the fight that caused the non-riot?”

"Just trash talk. I heard one kid say she didn’t like the other’s 'tude. The other says, ‘You don’t like my 'tude? You gonna change it, ho wanksta?’

“I’m not sure what that means, but it ain’t nice. So when they take out their earrings, I know they’re gonna grapple. That’s when I stepped in.”

“And then what happened?”

“They beat the crap out of me!”

“But, Mac, you’re big guy. How did two girls overpower you?’”

“Weren’t two. More like twenty. Man, they just swarmed ... chanting ‘Stomp the old fart’s ass.’

“That ticked me off. I ain’t old.”

“And then…?”

“Then they took turns bonking me with their book bags. I think they got the idea from the anti-bullying movie they saw before lunch.”

“But why did they jump you?”

"Hell, I don’t know. They were just chillaxin after lunch looking for somebody to mess with. When the fight started, they figured they might as well contribute …give them something to text about besides how bored they are.”

“Mac, tell me about the pants.”

“Well, while I was trying to defend myself, they pulled them down. Not theirs, mine.”

“You must have been terribly embarrassed.”

“I was never so scared in my life!”

“Scared? Not embarrassed? Why?”

“Because one said, ‘I’ve got a knife; Let’s give him a sex change.’ But she didn’t say, ‘Sex change.’ She used real scary-painful words. For a minute, I thought it was a goner.”

“Were they serious?”

“Oh, I don’t think so. But I’ll never know, ‘cause that’s when Amazon Angie butted in and they butted out. When the cops got here it was all over.”

“Who is Amazon Angie?”

“She runs her own anti-bullying program. She collects protection money from all the kids. I give her a few bucks every week for helping out.”

“Are all the students here behavior problems?”

“Oh, hell no. Just full of sass, lack discipline, and have no motivation. This is their last shot, their ‘alley-oop' to win a diploma. ”

“You’re not bitter about what happened?”

“Not unless they put it on YouTube.”

“Sounds like you have a tender spot for these girls.”
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“Oh yeah, lots of tender spots--not for them-- from them. Still, they ain’t bad kids.”

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