Snowflakes

Like snowflakes melting in the weak winter sun,
My babies fade away before my eyes,
Carrying with them
My hopes for our happiness.

Our family will be forever incomplete
And my heart is atrophied by grief.

* * *

I long to be with my sweet little innocents.

I yearn just to feed them my body-made milk.

But my god has betrayed me
And won't let me love them
And so I must wait for the end of my life.

* * *

Love the others!
Love the living!
Take care of the children already born!

My well-meaning thoughts
But I cannot obey them.

My heart's deeply sunk in the realm of the dead.

* * *

I want to be good
And mother my old ones.
I want to be happy and settle for two

But I can't and won't love while my heart's coldly frozen.
I can't love my children when I hate myself.