Squeaky Clean

Note: This story was an entry for the Twisted Tales Contest. To view the contest rules, click on Contest Rules:

Write for me the type of story I love to read--a tale with a plot twist or surprise ending. I'm an expert at figuring out the twist before it happens. See if you can fool me! It's a great way to sharpen your plot development skills and win prizes. All entrants receive 500 GPs just for entering! November round is open!

Plot twists are a basic element of mystery and suspense writing, but definitely not limited to those genres. They add excitement and interest to comedy, romance, fantasy, and almost any type of story. Stories by Dean Koontz and Jeffery Deaver give good examples of what I want. Most of their books contain at least one good twist. Other examples are the following short stories:
"Rain Rain Go Away" by Isaac Asimov
"The Open Window" by H. H. Munro (Saki)
"Charles" and "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson
You can also check out last month's winners listed at the bottom of this page. All of them were fantastic!

RULES

The contest will run from the first to the last day of each month. Depending on the number of entries, winners should be posted by the 15th of the following month.

Entries must be no less than 300 and no more than 6000 words. Please include a word count with your entry. Please don't exceed the maximum of 6000 words. I hate having to disqualify good stories because they are too long.

Must contain at least one plot twist or surprise ending. Any genre is accepted.

Complete short stories only. Sorry, no poetry or novel chapters.

I don't care about the rating, but please rate appropriately. Intro and title must be rated E.

Post entries in the forum using a bitem link. Example {bitem: NNNNNNN} with your item number in place of the # symbols. If you don't have space in your portfolio to do this, you can post your entry directly into the forum, as long as it is not rated above 13+.

You may enter one story per round. If your story doesn't win anything, you are welcome to enter it in the next round.

Previously written stories are accepted as long as they follow the rules. Stories that have won awards are allowed as long as they haven't won an award in this contest.

You may edit your entry as many times as you want before the round closes. I won't judge them until then. Please feel free to read and review each other's entries.

Judge's decisions are final.

JUDGING CRITERIA

Plot
Plot development is of utmost importance in this contest. Is it original? Does it keep me interested? Does it unfold logically and make sense? The twists should be unexpected, not unbelievable.

Description
Do you bring your characters and settings to life? Are you able to weave your descriptions into the story without derailing the plot?

Grammar, punctuation, and spelling
Is the story free of typos, incomplete or run-on sentences, and other technical errors? This isn't as important as the other two criteria, as long as your grammar and spelling aren't so bad that I can't tell what you are trying to say!

"Twisted Tales Contest" 

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Squeaky Clean

By Indelibleink

The unkempt attendant impatiently tapped on the car window. "What'll it be, Lady? We close in twenty minutes - six-thirty sharp."

Wendy Tillis looked up from her notebook and at the car's clock, and cracked her car window. "I'm not sure...Never been here before. What exactly are my options?"

The attendant sighed as if whatever he was about to do, he had done a million times before, which probably wasn't all that far from the truth. "Well, you got your standard wash for ten dollars, wash and undercarriage power-wash for twelve, all that plus wax for fifteen, or our 'bundle package' which includes everything I already said plus interior vacuuming for twenty."

The attractive young investment banker rolled down her window the rest of the way and began rummaging through her purse. "Oh, alright - let's do it all for twenty - it's getting pretty disgusting in here - the car could use a good vacuum."

"Don't see anything in this car that's disgusting, Ma'am." While Wendy had been searching her purse for the twenty and reaching around to gather up some of the stuff which had accumulated in her car to make vacuuming easier, her skirt had crept up her legs significantly. This little detail had not escaped the attendant's attention.

Wendy pushed the twenty out the window with enough force to back 'old eagle eye' off a bit, while straightening her skirt back to a more tolerable length. "Show's over, Pal."

"The name's Lester Glazier - but everyone calls me 'Buddy' - and I personally want to welcome you to the one and only Glazier Laser Car Wash , where we 'give you the world' for twenty bucks." He snickered for a second. "That's our motto - made it up myself."

"The whole world for twenty bucks, including interior vacuum? How can a woman say 'no' to a deal like that?"

A perverse grin came over Buddy's face, establishing the notion that dental hygiene could never have been a priority on his 'to do' list. "A lot of women don't say 'no' to me for many reasons..."

A shiver ran up and down Wendy's spine like a fishing bobber with a trout on the line. Just the mere thought of...

"Uh...Lady? You will have to step out of the car while it passes through the automatic wash."

"Oh, really? I thought you stayed in your car for the whole process..."

"At some places you can, but here...Well...It's...It's an insurance requirement."

Wendy believed that last line as much as she believed 'Lester the Molester' wasn't staring down at her boobs at the moment. Actually, getting up out of this car probably isn't a bad idea, after all. Wendy grabbed a sweater from the backseat and emerged from the automobile, and quickly donned the extra layer of 'protection'.

Buddy didn't miss a move. "Hope you're not doin' that on my account. You're ruining a beautiful view."

"Yeah, well, consider this view as having been 'eclipsed', Buddy."

Buddy laughed a bit nervously, as if he had been caught off-guard by Wendy's quick reply, stunned that she had so easily deflected what he thought was one of his better lines. "You can enter the 'observation area' through that door on the right, and watch each stage of the process your vehicle goes through from behind the glass."

Wendy thought for a second and laughed to herself. 'Observation area'? 'Each stage of the process'? What...Are we about to witness a shuttle launch or something? She turned and gave Buddy a 'thumbs-up' sign, and proceeded to the door.

Buddy hopped into Wendy's Altima, and quickly pulled it ahead up onto the slow-moving platform that would carry the car through the wash process, and threw the shift into neutral.

As Wendy walked through the door and was greeted with an obnoxious blast of what she considered - marginally - to be music, she realized she had left her purse on the passenger seat of her car. She quickly turned around to try get back outside and catch her vehicle before it entered the wash. As she made it out to see that her vehicle had not entered the wash yet, she also found it interesting to see Buddy - head down - going though her purse, and appeared to be writing some information - address, perhaps? - from her drivers license. Not entirely stunned by the event, Wendy chose to let the incident go for the time being, capturing the deed on her camera phone instead. As she turned and re-entered the wash 'observation area', what she didn't see was Buddy looking up after she had snapped the photo and turned around, fully aware of what she had done. The hint of a twisted grin appeared on the car wash owner's face, and he stuffed the contents back into Wendy's purse.

Inside the building, the customers were protected from the cleaning and washing process by a large Plexiglas enclosure - essentially a transparent tunnel - from one end of the car wash to the other. All-in-all, it was about a fifteen minute process, exclusive of any 'extras' to be performed at the end of the wash cycle.

Wendy watched as Buddy hustled to accommodate a couple of other last-minute arrivals - a vintage Cadillac and a cleaning service van - which were now behind Wendy's vehicle on the 'wash train' and moving slowly through the system. Once when he came into the enclosed area and made an adjustment to the wash water temperature, Buddy looked at Wendy and rolled his eyes, as if to imply they had some kind of special, 'knowing' relationship. Wendy went out of her way to not respond to Buddy's expression - instead turning and slowly walking parallel to her slow-moving car. Unfazed, Buddy still ran over and tapped Wendy on the shoulder.

"Since I have to run these last two vehicles through before I vacuum your car, just wait a few minutes and I will give it a special cleaning; it'll be 'squeaky clean' - I promise. Plus, since we're officially closed now, there won't be any more interruptions, I promise."

About a half-hour later, after Buddy had taken care of the last two vehicles, and those customers had left the lot, Buddy sauntered over to Wendy, who was determining the quality of the wash on her Altima. "If everything is okay here, I'd just like to - real quick-like - check on my car which is going through the wash now. It's a '57 Chevy - a real classic - wanna see it?"

Wendy began to shake her head is if about to give Buddy an emphatic 'no', then thought about it a second, grabbed her purse, and said, "A classic Chevy? Sure, I'd love to see it."

Buddy flashed a toothy smile, and grabbed Wendy's arm, and urged her to hurry. "Well, then c'mon, Woman, she's just about to start..."

The pair entered through the exit end of the car wash, exiting at the entrance, and the '57 was about halfway into the initial wash section.

"Buddy, it looked as if the drivers side window was open a little bit - you might want to check it out." 

The creepy entrepreneur slapped the side of his head. "Oh my God...Wait here..." Buddy took off into the wash to see if he could correct the problem before too much damage was done. As he was preoccupied with the conditioned of his 'baby', Wendy walked back into the building and hit the stop button for the vehicle platform movement function.

Buddy, meanwhile, had found no open windows in the Chevy, and was perplexed that the wash cycle had been stopped. What is that dizzy broad up to? As he turned to exit the wash area and see what was going with the controls, he was surprised to see Wendy standing just inside the wash area. "Sorry, Ma'am, but you really shouldn't be here - the water can be very, very hot, and..."

Buddy's words were replaced by screams as Wendy let him have a full blast of mace. "Why, Buddy, this shouldn't surprise you too much - you must have seen it when you were going through my purse earlier..."

The mace burned Buddy's eyes to the extent that he was hardly concentrating on Wendy's words, or anything else for that matter, so it's safe to assume that he was completely oblivious to the rubber hammer that was about to render him unconscious...

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

Buddy woke up to the sound of a deeply religious radio station reverberating throughout the car wash. His eyes, still adjusting to the remnants of the mace, and the back of his head, still sporting a large bump from whatever caught him there earlier, had him groggily trying to shake the cobwebs. He felt whatever he was lying on lurch just a bit, and knew he was moving - just ever-so-slowly. He also quickly realized that he was quite naked, and tightly secured via manila rope to the hood of his '57 Chevy. The music stopped, replaced by the voice of the Altima's owner.

"Hey, Buddy...Guess who?" Wendy adjusted the speed of the platform, bringing it to a virtual stop. "I was afraid you would recognize the last name...Tillis. Obviously, you don't remember the name, so I'll try to refresh your memory just a little. About five years ago, you cornered my kid sister, Nicole, here after she brought Dad's car up to wash for cleaning."

Buddy, who had been tugging violently at his restraints, became relatively subdued as Wendy's words began to sink in.

"Yes, you're starting to remember now, aren't you? What you don't know about Nicole is that after you raped her, you bastard, she never told anyone because she was so ashamed by what had happened. See, my father - retired military and a single parent - was a very strict man, and always had had a wonderful relationship with Nicole, his 'little girl'. Nicole always feared Daddy wouldn't understand - would look at Nicole differently - if she told him what actually happened. She became very withdrawn - even to her own family - and she never disclosed what happened to anyone. In one afternoon, you changed her life forever, you stinking bastard!"

Re-living what happened with Wendy's sister that afternoon, Buddy began to sob. "It was a really slow afternoon, some friends were up here and we drank some beers - a lot of beers - and right after they left, your sister showed up. I wasn't going to...I didn't mean to...but she had those tight shorts and half tank top...I'm so sorry..."

"Shut up, Ass-hole. For almost five years, Daddy wondered what had happened - what he might have done to his daughter - to cause this drastic shift in personality in his daughter. Daddy died six weeks ago. He went to his grave - you piece of crap - wondering what he did to cause the rift with his baby. After Daddy's funeral, Nicole told me what you had done to her. I've gotten her into therapy, but it will be quite some time before - if ever - she returns to the happy-go-lucky kid I knew. As for you, well, I knew you were going to pay - one way or the other - for what you did to Nicole. Then, when I realized you had a car wash, well, Jesus, you have everything we need to get you to 'clean up your act' right here." Wendy turned the speed adjustment knob to bring the platform speed up to a more 'normal' rate. "Wow! I didn't know the boiler here could heat your water to just a few degrees below boiling." She cranked up the hot water temperature control to the maximum setting, and turned on the jets.

Buddy was about 90 seconds from entering the jet spray of the scalding water, but the mist from the spray was incredibly hot already. "My God, Wendy, please, please! I'll do whatever you want. Call the police. Oh God, please call the police!"

"Now, now, Buddy, I can't do that, can I? You get yourself a good lawyer, put my little sister on the stand, make her re-live that awful experience with you? I don't think so. Let's just make sure this can't happen again, okay? Let's get you all 'squeaky clean'." She switched the intercom back to the religious station, and cranked the volume up to full blast. The steam from the scalding water made it impossible to see what was going on in the wash area, and Wendy was fairly certain that she heard a couple hellacious screams, but those didn't last too long, either.

Wendy walked out to her car, and hopped in, remembering that Buddy never did vacuum the interior.

Ah - what the hell - she'd gotten her money's worth, anyway, hadn't she?

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Words: 2156