Tickets

Tickets

“Honey, I forgot to tell you about this” my wife said as she handed me a folded piece of paper that she had just removed from an official looking envelope. She said “I had gone to see my grand-babies and as I went through an intersection I saw camera flashes. I swear that it was a yellow light, I can’t believe they sent me a ticket!”

I turned away from what I was doing to take the document and read it. Sure enough it was a ticket for running a red light, along with a grainy picture of our car that clearly showed our license plate. Buried among the legal language was a website and a code number, stating that the incident had been video-taped and was available for viewing. Allyson had stomped off by this time, mad as a hornet at the City of Austin for giving her a ticket for running a yellow light.

Naturally I was curious to see the video so I linked up with it on my internet connection. It showed the intersection and the video was crystal clear. A car went through, then the light turned yellow, then the light turned red, and then there was a full two second pause before our car went scooting through the intersection. It was obvious that she had run a red light, big time. So, naturally I called to her to come see the video. I just assumed that she would be curious to see it. Reluctantly she came in to watch, hands on hips, chin jutting out. As the video showed the light turn red, I foolishly said “wait for it, wait for it” and then I said "zoooom" and laughed as her car ran the red light in the video.

I turned to her with a big smile and asked if she wanted to see it again. I was happy because the evidence was in the bag, she didn’t run a yellow light and I thought this would be educational for her - maybe she would learn something from it. Somehow, someway, she had a different point of view. She was now madder at me than she was at the city of Austin. Without a word she stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. "What did I do? Jeeze." Eventually she calmed down enough to forgive me for her running the red light. We paid the ticket and she promised that was the "last one she would ever ever get", she would be "so much more careful" in the future.

About three weeks later, early one morning while I was at work, I got an email from her. It said “Hello Honey. I hate to tell you this by email, but I didn’t want to have to have an argument with you about it. I got a ticket a couple of weeks ago and if I don’t pay it today there is going to be a late fee. I was merging into heavy traffic and got a speeding ticket. I swear I will never get another ticket, never ever again. I Am So Sorry.“

“Aw crap” I thought, “Another ticket? Really? This has to be the fifth one this year. I get a ticket maybe once every five or six years, what’s up with her?” I sat there for a few minutes thinking of the all the various ways I would like to respond to this email bomb of hers - and finally just sent back “ok”.

By the time I got home that evening I had pretty well settled into the idea that “these things happen and not to let it be a big deal. In the long run it’s just minor stuff.” So, when I got home I acted as though it was just another normal day and that it wasn’t the kind of day where you come home and want to dig right into the details of this latest ticket and ask five hundred questions starting with “What the hell woman?”.

She met me at the door as I came in. She was looking real good too, hair done all nice and were those new clothes? Dinner was on the stove and smelled really good and she was handing me a fresh cocktail.

She gave me a long sweet hug. Longer than I would have thought, but hey, she did just have to admit to another ticket after promising no more tickets, right? So a long sweet hug seemed to be somewhat in order. Nice perfume too. But the hug kept on going, and going and when I finally pulled back she let go with a lot of reluctance and looked me in the eye and said “Honey, this morning I promised no more tickets right? But...I didn’t say what type of tickets did I?” I swear she hasn’t batted her eyes like that at me in years. She was so cute that I almost missed her question. Almost.

“What exactly do you mean by type of tickets?” I asked with a combination of dread, suspicion and the feeling you probably get watching a train wreck. I swear she got even cuter, I don’t know how she did it, but she did. “Well Baby” She said with honey dripping off her suddenly new southern antebellum plantation style Vivien Leigh accent “While I was inside paying off the speeding ticket? the meter ran out on my parking space? and I got a little ole parking ticket. I was so mad that I stopped the car in the middle of the street, jumped out and tore it off the windshield and started to crumple it up. But then I noticed a bicycle cop staring at me real hard? so I gave him a real go to hell look and got back in the car and came home to you Baby. Did I tell you how much I love you? Huh?”

OK, so maybe I should be tougher on her than I am, but I can’t help it. She got me to laughing so hard I could barely breathe. She was laughing with me, mostly out of relief at carrying off the cute act so well, but her laughing kept me laughing until I was putty in her hands. Again.