The Beginning

I'm lost in thought,scared and angry at myself. How could i let this happen? I didn't want to leave,this was home.
My ticket is booked and I'm almost on my way to Europe. I take my last walk down Cape Town beach with tears in my eyes. I'll miss the view of table mountain and the warm sun burning my skin but i know i have to go,I'll always regret it if i don't.

I'm eighteen,stepping into the streets of Amsterdam. No matter what i write you will not understand the adrenaline bumping in my veins. I remember the lights and music its like a constant carnival. People all over the show,all kinds of characters. And i felt i was one with the city,these city streets..i just remember that song playing in my mind "city street walking,walking in my street,connected to every beat"
Powerful moment in my life,when i realized there was more to life than my home town.
I never wanted to come back i wanted to be apart of Amsterdam for eternity.
I wanted to feel the beat of the city at the bottom of my soles and i wanted to hold my life line on the trams that went by.
Complete beautiful chaos is what i felt in the crazy life of the Dutch.

I became one with the life style,the food and the people. Its amazing to feel that growth coming from within and you know you will never be the same.
I was an Au pair for the most loving and amazing family. Their obedience and way of living still dwells in me today and i hope to pass on their amazing parent techniques to my children.
I loved the children and my heart still aches for them from time to time.

Coming back was depressing. I had missed my family and was happy to be back in my country but i felt trapped.
I started drinking to take the feeling away,that feeling of I'm not going anywhere,like a bird in a cage.
alcohol would free my mind and lead me into false believe that I'm happy.
I was in a dark place for a very long time.

My taste in men got worse and my need for love increased. And that once free spirit was now a lonely,angry girl.
I needed a wake up call before i lost my soul completely.
I was dating a drug addict and was slowly slipping away with him to that empty world.
We felt good together but i believe its because we knew we weren't falling alone,we were corrupting one another.

I have to thank him now though,if he hadn't gone crazy that one night and hit me i might have still been faliing with him but that was the final chapter for me.

I changed jobs and crew up. Started looking good again and was loving life again.

That's when i met you. I remember you walking in and going through the shop with that cute smile on your face.
I flirted and you enjoyed it.
I knew i had found the special one,the one I've been waiting for.

We now engaged and in three months will have a little baby boy keeping us up at night and i can only be excited and happy.

How I've longed for this day.