Nanny, Princess, Queen

The Players leave and I is dragged out. I stands straight, my head held high. I ain't ashamed of what I done. I is proud. I followed orders. It's the Queen who should be embarrassed of what is happenin'. I sees her rise as I is brought in, standin' with her little brat next to her. The Queen, risin' for me after condemnin' me t'death. My lip twitches upwards.

*

I grip my mother's hand tightly as the monster is dragged out, the Player's show quickly wiped from my mind. My other closes into a fist as I think about how much I hate her. Her hands are tied in front of her as she is led up the steps to the gallows. Even from this distance her hands make me shudder. My mother removes her hand from mine and places it on my shoulder. So now she notices me. I force myself to stop shuddering. I don't need my mother now. She's too late. I had told her the truth, I had, and she hadn't listened. She had thought I was overreacting. She didn't think that now.

*

My eyes narrow as the drums start to beat a slow rhythm, putting me in mind of waves crashing down on a cliff. They fall on the woman. Why is she not trembling in fear? Why is she not bent over in pain, broken and shattered like a vase that slipped and failed to preform its purpose? What is the good of being Queen if I cannot even cause those who harm my daughter to pay? I did not want her to come to see this. A hanging is hardly a place for a ten year old. But there are some things that she deserves to see and this one is her right. There is nothing better to remedy a hurt than to watch the one who caused it suffer. My long fingers grip her small shoulder as I remind myself that I never could have known.

*

The child is there, in a new gown, watchin' and waitin' with her evil eyes glintin'. She is enjoyin' this, I knows it. She planned it all out. The Princess is a monster and I is the one blamed. Even the Queen agrees with me. Did she not tell me herself how I should use whatever it took to get the brat to obey? I laughs at the country who don't know they has a hypocrite for a Queen- orders a thin' done then punishes the doer. The brat was impossible, never listenin' to a word. Slaps weren't enough, nor any of the other punishments she had been through before. Wasn't that why the Queen had called me, so that I could teach the girl her place? A few more days and I woulda succeeded. A few more days and the girl woulda done everythin' she was told.

And then the Queen had a change of mind that ruined it all.

*

I had told my mother, but she never listened. She never listens to me, ever. She doesn't really love me. She says she does, and she says she didn't know what was going on. But I told her and still she let that monster near me. She was too busy acting queen. My back still stings under the ties of the dress and tears creep into my eyes. I want my old Nanny back, I want her back! She loved me and cared for me and my mother made her go away. She said I don't listen, but I listened to her, I did! I told her that if she would have brought her back I would do what she says. I begged her to send the monster away, but she slapped me and told me to obey. She doesn't even realize now that it is all her fault. None of this would have happened if the old Nanny would have stayed, none of it at all.

*

It is in times like this that I truly appreciate being the Queen, when I can bring justice down on those who truly deserve it.

My daughter blames me, I can see it in her eyes, but she does not understand that I could not have known. I never thought the woman would go that far. My daughter needs a firm hand. She is still too rude and rash and doesn't understand her place. I needed a woman who would teach her how to behave. The Nanny she had was too soft at heart, giving her honey when she needed a sting. When I gave that woman free reign I could never have known that she would go so far. All I am guilty of is wanting to raise a strong Queen for the next generation. I have tried everything with that child but nothing seems to help. She stays as she is, skipping her lessons and being rude to her elders and to me. How could I allow myself an heir who does not know her duties?

What else could I do with a child such as that?

*

The rope is placed across me throat and me crimes are called out for all to hear. But the words I hear ain't what I did. Traitor, they call me, but I only ever obeyed. “I is no traitor!” I crys out, strugglin' for the first time. “I don't deserve t'die!”

Fear suffocates me. I has managed to fight it off those horrid two days in the dungeons but now it is all comin' back. I sees the trapped door below me, feels the knot of the thick rope tightened to the side of me throat and I knows death wont be quick.

I wont call out for mercy. I sees the Queen's hard look and suddenly I understands. She agreed with what I done. She knew it was necessary as much as I did. But a Queen could not allow word of this to get out. If her people knew what a disobedient daughter she had she would loose their trust. I is just another t'die in order for the crown t'keep it's dirty secrets hidden.

This calms me, 'cause I knows that the gods wont allow this injustice to pass 'em by. My death will bring to the downfall of a wicked Queen. With the gods on my side, I closes my eyes and prepares to embrace death.

*

My heart beats faster and louder, matching the pace of the drums. It's going to happen soon, I can feel it. A shudder runs through me. Suddenly I am not so sure I want to see.

"You do not have to look.” My mother whispers but I shake my head. I feel the pain of the lashes on my back and the hunger in my belly and I force my eyes open with a new determination. I will look and I will watch. I will not turn away. I will show my mother I was not weak and I will show her I could be a good Queen one day. I will. I wonder how she never realized that she barely knows me. It is no wonder that she thinks I am disobedient if the only time she sees me is to tell me off. None of this is fair at all.

I do not believe she did not know the true nature of the woman she hired to take care of me. She must have checked before who her daughter's new Nanny was to be and she must have known she was a monster, and if she didn't it is just as worse.

She told me never to speak of the true reason there is a hanging today. She wants the story covered up. She is ashamed of it, I know it.

All I want is for her to treat me as her daughter and not just as a princess.

But now my eyes are fixed on the monster. I want to see her hang. Maybe that will make everything better.

*

Finally the time comes near. They always drag out these hangings more then they should. A woman who deserves death should not be left to live more than necessary, such as a horse past his time should be put down at once.

Soon this messy chapter will come to a close. None of this was supposed to happen.

The thing that aggravates me most is that the woman truly thinks she is in the right. She believes that she may do what she likes to her crown princess. Does she hold no respect for the royal family? Do her monarchs mean nothing to her?

I am her Queen and she thinks she has the right to tell me what I meant when I told her to do what it takes. I am her Queen and she thinks she has the right to tell me how to raise my own daughter.

But if word of this got out, if someone discovered how I let this happen to my own daughter, I would be shamed forever.

I would not be able to explain that I did not know. I would not be able to convince everyone how the woman was crazy, how her actions were unexpected. What other explanation is there for a woman who believes she can whip and starve her crown princess?

None of this is my fault, no matter what anyone else might claim. I have only made right this wrong situation by ordering her hanged.

The trap door is opened and she swings. I watch every moment of her slow death, letting my guilt die with her.