Dear Me [2012]

Dear Me,

Sigh. Ambition from last year got tempered by a nasty case of depression. But in that spiral of melancholy, the creativity lurked. You know it did. Just the motivation got sucked out by Gramma's mental decline and forgetting who I am 98% of the time and Willem's ADHD. Severe insomnia isn't conducive to focusing on stuff other than the necessary. Life has sucked big time and the only retreat you utilized was thinking about the scenes... just not writing them. Well, that's half the battle, right? You got it plotted and that is a great step in the right direction.

That lovely person in the publishing industry has given you nothing but positive feedback. You know your novel is good. You're already past 63,000 words... and because of how much time has been spent staring aimlessly at the laptop screen and rereading the novel...over and over and over, the first part is pretty much edited. What you have now is pretty damn tight-- that's a great positive. Now just a boot to the kiester and get the damn thing done already!

Medication can only do so much but at least you can sleep without sleep aids. That you've been sacrificing sleep in the wee hours by getting up earlier to write is a good start. Even if it's one sentence, it counts as progress. Progress in any form, no matter how little, is an excellent thing.

You said last year by this February you could have two books done. Ha! Life has shown that the best of intentions doesn't always work out as one would hope.

Muse is still there, stronger than ever. The Want is there. Encouragement for your creativity is there. Ambition is on board as well... Motivation too. Those who know you best know you can. Shoot, YOU know you can... and that's another part of the battle.

If you do nothing this year writing-wise (although unlikely because of how you keep adding more book ideas to the list-- another good thing!)... let it be that you finish the novel and send it to the very helpful editor in New York City. He's been liking it so far, and that someone in the biz has been so generous with his time and help means something. That he's been freely giving you solid advice is nothing to sneeze at-- he wouldn't waste his time on someone with no talent. That's a fact.

You are damn good, Manda.

You know it.

Depression is the dragon one must slay in order to storm the castle and claim the treasure. All that crap you dealt with can be turned into gold. Be the alchemist. Work the Word Magic. How many great authors have battled mental illness? How many have risen from the flames anew like a phoenix?

You can finish your romance novel this year. Hell, you're already two-thirds through it. Just finish it. That's all you want to do, and you know it. Nothing would please you more. This is your marathon and you're almost to the finish line. Don't let depression win and make you stop just when you're getting momentum going in the direction you wanted for so long.

You can do it. You will do it.

How else will will you retire to that private island with a harem of cabana boys? Come on, Manda... priorities!

-Me


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