"Dear God" Letter

Once upon a time the day flowed and ebbed like a poem. It had daily rhythms that breathed consistency into our hearts. We awoke, we had breakfast while talking about our lives face to face. We learned, worked, lived, laughed. We hoped for things and believed we were moving in the right direction. Magic existed in everything, in the smell of someone's hair, the sound of the rain. And the rain smelled like perfume back then. Wet grass was exciting and our toes tingled in it. Nightgowns were everywhere and men wore pajama sets. Now we fall asleep in hideous sweat suits . Some get up and head out of the house next AM still wearing them. Leaf piles smelled of cinnamon and spice and were made for jumping in. Cars were our workhorses taking us to places of respect. Now they sit and wait to take us to the doctor or another useless job interview where we'll be told we're overqualified. Our babies have emerged as adults amidst illusions and false realities. They are just larger babies now. Innocent hearts waiting for their turn in a world that isn't anymore. I was born before the world's balance tipped to the evil side. I knew what we had, what we should have. I feel like something is coming, change is coming. And I feel I will not like it anymore than I like the changes I have been through in the last few decades. I feel like my birthright is gone, like I'm 110 years old instead of 45. Perhaps it was always like this and I was too blind to notice it then. Perhaps the darkness is expanding as it steals Nativity scenes, male-female parent homes, goals, dreams. But I know that I am not alone in my grief and that I am not the only one who misses the presence of the Creator in our world. He gave it life, beauty, and purpose. But God is a gentleman, and being such he left when he was asked to. Now He comes and goes when bidden. Heaven is now behind the Narnia closet and we keep covering the entrance. But I know it's there and I feel the breath of life every now and again. I look for balance between my feelings of reminiscing, resolve, and "Beam Me Up Jesus". But right now I am going to find a new nightgown with lace and ribbon at the neck and a shimmer in the cloth if it's the last thing I do. Then I will take a rose-scented bath and put on that gown. And maybe if I keep doing things like that, the world will come back.

by Kimarie Manhart-Freeman