Assignment Lesson 1 - Poetry Course

Syllable count of the following poem:

Maintaining My Defenses (7)

External to the edges of my existence, 12
I have no control over the consequences 12
with regard to your own life participation. 12

Infringements upon my inflamed interior 12
masticate like the cutting canines of critters 12
when they become feral from fear and famishment. 12

My defenses are delusion and denial 12
because I've found continuously caring costs 12
more than my mind's methodology can manage. 12

Remarks concerning use of alliteration in the poem:
There is a lot of alliteration in this poem, perhaps slightly too much for my taste in some lines. What I can appreciate is that the poet has not become a 'slave of alliteration': where he/she could not use alliteration without hurting the meaning, no alliteration was used. That's better to me than 'forced' alliteration. But it looks slightly odd to me that there is only one line which has no alliteration at all. In this way, somehow the internal structure looks a bit crippled. Better a few more lines without alliteration or also have aliteration in that one exceptional line. I'm aware this looks like a contradiction with my earlier remark about not being a slave of alliteration. However, I can't escape the feeling that a slightly more structured use of the alliteration would have been possible here, without it starting to feel forced. (Hmm, I'm expressing myself pretty forceful and confident here, while I'm actually feeling quite a bit of doubt and insecurity )


Aging Woman in Repose

She gathers and guards her treasures – gathers/guards
there is little else to measure
a lifetime now in the past tense.
She mutters not making much sense. -- mutters/making/much

Yellowed letter from her husband,
envelope opened and reopened, * 9
a twist of lovely golden hair
from when he was young and fair. * 7 -- when/was

Ragged heart shapes with childish scrawls, -- shapes/scrawls
"I love you, Mom," the message calls -- Mom/message
to old memories of days gone by. * 9 -- old/of
Oh, how quickly the time can fly! --the/time

Ink penned poems in a journal, --penned/poems
paint a picture like a mural, -- paint/picture
of woman's romantic soul, * 7
composed when her mind was still whole. -- when/was/whole

She gathers and guards her treasures. -- gathers/guards
These tokens provide a measure -- these tokens
of a lifetime now in the past tense. * 9
She mutters and to God makes sense. -- mutters/makes

* * * * * * * * * * *

This was a bit hard for me, in two lines. I think due to not being a native speaker, I struggled with the pronunciation of 'ragged' and 'poems'. I have counted both as two syllables. If that is correct, than the syllable count in both lines is eight. However I wonder if they're not both one syllable in pronunciation. If that is indeed the case, or for one of them, than the syllable count in that line would be seven and thus incorrect.


Create a Quatrain poem using a, a, b, b rhyme scheme. Write the poem with eight syllables in each line. Use alliteration at least once in each stanza


Life is spent in sickness or health,
days passed in poverty or wealth,
a home alone or together:
question of bad or good weather?

Those who are poor may be happy
and they who're rich might feel crappy.
The sick may be superbly strong,
yet the healthy weary and wrong.