Performance Anxiety

Sarah has a Tae Kwon Do tournament tomorrow. She's been nervous for two weeks now. Sarah thinks parents are making a bigger deal out of this than we should. She may be right, grown-ups can become quite Santini-like when it comes to competition. Before bed I made her double check the contents of her gear bag (pads, belt, mouth guard...check!) While she was packing the bag, she asked how I thought she was going to do tomorrow. Did I think she would bring home a second or third place trophy? According to her, three and four may be a good grade...

At nine o'clock I tucked her into bed; a few minutes later I passed by her room to find a strange blue light emitting from under the covers. Sarah was playing her DS! The first thought I had was "Sabotage!" I assumed she was ruining her chance for a good night's sleep on purpose. I may have been right.

We had another talk. I asked, "Do you think staying up past bedtime playing video games is a smart or silly idea?" She replied, "Silly." Maybe I need to ask another question: do we put too much pressure on our kids to perform? I don't want her to put on a show like a trained seal. She's not learning martial arts for the glorification of me. We put her in the class for her ADD and to increase her confidence.

Maybe I've forgotten what it's like to be a child. They look at life in terms of either/or, lose or gain. And--as unfair as it may seem--"if I do X, my parents may not love me anymore." But we've never treated Sarah like she needs to be the golden girl; an Uber-athletic genius. Just do your best. That's all anybody can ask of you. Including yourself. And if you happen to fall short of your goals, forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Move on.

I don't know how she's going to do tomorrow. But if she relaxes, enjoys herself, supports her friends and does her best, she's already won.