before

in the fierce stillness of winter
cold to the heart
eyes closed, breath caught
all senses clouded except
pain

I sit
in utter solitude
and feel my feet flame
as though my skin was rubbed
raw and fire pressed into the bare soles.

I shiver
longing to flee from the prison of frozen
hands, glowering skies, and
burning

to rush across ages and seasons
to a summer youth
escaped friends and siblings
and reveling in loneliness

to lie
on my back
before my blood turned sweet
before the memory of pain

to stare up at the clouds
dancing.