Tears for three Sisters Part 2

Continued from ( “Tears for Three Sisters, Part 1”)

“Tears for Three Sisters, Part 2”

The three sisters were sharing a part of their past that was not shared by the three of them. The twins had spent an extended period of time in foster care and were sharing it with their older sister.

After their parents were divorced their mother lived in another state and their father was undependable. He was unable to keep a job. He never lasted more than a month. He lived in squalor and filth probably associated with the fact that he had borderline mental problems that were never addressed.

"How often did you see your father?"

"Hardly ever, right Jan?"

"He would promise to come by on a Saturday and never show up. There we were. two dogs sitting on the stoop waiting all day long. That was the worst feeling. We just knew none wanted us. Then/ on the off day when he did decide to bless us with his presence, he came with a little brown bag of penny candy and he was gone within an hour. I remember it like it was yesterday, feeling so alone and unloved. Those feelings never let go." We learned very young that we could not depend on him or anyone else for that matter."


Janice and Judy lived under intolerable conditions for those years between three and seventeen. Their room was the smallest bedroom in a three-bedroom apartment of a forty apartment building that was infested with cockroaches. Their room was small and cell like with one single bed that the sisters shared, one at the head and one at the foot of the bed for the entire time they lived there. When state welfare came to visit and saw there were no sheets on the bed, they ordered a set for them. After they left, within a couple of days the sheets were delivered. Then, the sheets would mysteriously disappear. The thought was that Nana probably gave them to her own adult family who lived elsewhere

In the summer they went to the country where the foster-parents had a home with a little shed type house in the rear. The twins called the home the big house. They were never allowed in the big house. Their living area was the small shed behind a garage with no heat, no water, and no toilet. There was an old outhouse off to the side. The girls were allowed to use it when necessary. Most of the time in the evening they were fearful of using that outhouse. The night sounds and the darkness were terrifying to these young girls. So much so, that they did their business in a coffee cup and emptied it in the morning.

"How did you clean yourselves?"

"Every day Nana would bring us a bucket of warm water to wash ourselves and when we were finished we kept the water, so that we could use it during the day. Our meals were horrible. Nana would make a big pot of spaghetti at the start of the week and we would eat that same thing every day till the pot was empty.

"Did she eat the same thing with you?"

"No way. She brought the food out to us and we ate it on a big rock that had a flat surface behind the shed. She went back in the house and who knows what she ate. Talk about being isolated. I think dogs get treated better than we were”

Did she at least let you come in to the big house at night to watch TV?”

"No. Judy, remember how we used to sit on the steps to the big house and look at TV through the screen door?”

“ How the hell could I forget? I hope she is rotting in hell.”

"Did you visit with Grandmother often?"

"As often as the state allowed, I guess every few weeks. And when we went there she would send us home with food and new underwear. We would get to see our cousins and aunts and uncles. That was the only good time we had. It was the only time I felt like a normal kid who mattered."

"Me too Jan. Then when we got home we had to hide the food Gram gave us under the bed or Nana confiscated it. The new clothes disappeared the next day and we saw them on her grandchildren a couple of days later. Not only that, but they would be playing with our toys that Grandmother gave us as though they were their own."

Nothing belonged to these girls. They had no childhood treasures or favorite dresses or best dolls. Even the shoes on their feet were taped and patched. Theirs' was a life of misery as foster children. They were the only ones they could depend on for their care and protection. As a result a bond was forged between the twins that became their only touch with the reality of love.

."Jan, tell her about the time that crazy lady tried to drowned me.”

"We used to have a big hole in the ground behind our building. After one of our rainstorms the hole was full of water. We were all splashing and playing in the hole when this crazy lady who lived in our building decided to hold Judy's head under water. Thank God the building Super came out in time to grab Judy away from her. He carried her home crying. When Nana answered the door, she was a screaming lunatic because Judy got her school shoes wet. Yea, and they were being held together with tape and string. Right? She slapped Judy and never even offered a word of comfort."

"Judy, tell Ronnie what she did to us when we misbehaved."

"There was a lock and chain on the outside of our bedroom door and whenever we got in trouble she locked us in our room for hours and hours. But we got smart. We found a way to put the bed against the door, then we climbed out the window to freedom in the back alley. We always came back though. I guess we were so afraid of what masochist thing Nana would do to us if we didn’t come home and she found us."

"How did they finally die Judy?

"You will not believe this one. Papa was on the couch dead for two days and Nana did not even know it. He had suffered a heart attach. She told us to keep very quiet because he was sleeping. I remember calling their daughter to tell her that something was wrong with Papa he is not moving. Her daughter came later that day to find her father dead on the couch and his body was decomposing. He had a fatal heart attack. That was when we were eight years old. Nana died seven years later. I am not sure what the cause of death was but surely it could not have been her heart, because she truly did not have one as far as we were concerned."

" What did you guys do after she passed away?"

" Judy and I were terrified. The landlord of the house we lived in told us we could stay there as long as we came up with the rent every month. We were so frightened not knowing what the future held and if we could do it but we did get part time jobs because we still had a year of high school to go. We got jobs at a little luncheonette across the street and every day at 5:00AM went there to set up for the day and had to be finished in time to get to school. Then back to the job when the school day was over. Working there proved to be a bit of a blessing because we could bring home food that was left over so our food expense was kept to a minimum.

" What a life that was. We grew up way before our time."

The girls made it through high school and into and through adulthood trying not to look back too often. When I finally I found the courage to contact them without my parents knowledge, they were twenty-two yeas old. This was the start of the family morphing back together. Their reunion with their mother was not without a long arduous period of questions and answers that were not readily accepted. It still remains a work in progress. Going back is never easy.

Janice married and had two beautiful daughters who eventually gave her four wonderful grandsons. Judith married and had a son and daughter who were the center of her universe. These women matured into wonderful people who loved their families and with a wealth of gratitude shared themselves with their loved ones. They embraced their brother and sisters who they never really knew until adulthood with a genuine love and an undying commitment for the rest of their lives.

Janice Marie and Judith Ann are two beautiful women who were born into a family of poverty and dysfunction. They somehow weathered all that was placed at their feet. With grace and gratitude they move forward every day. Some days were easier than others. They will never forget those hellish years in foster care. They both have to live with the fallout of the emotional damage it caused. In spite of it all they try to leave the anger and loneliness behind. Considering what they came through makes them extraordinary women especially to me.

I often wish I could have been able to reach them sooner. As we finished up our afternoon of looking back, teary eyes and three empty wine glasses, we were all drained from walking the halls of the past. There was nothing that could have been said to make the sadness that I felt to my core go away: But, I have them now, and till I am gone,I will be forever grateful that we are together again. Only they know what they lived through, until now.