Dear Lia

Dear Lia,
The day we met in that small apartment, alongside other sweaty bodies who did not necessarily want to be there, I fell in love with you.

I didn’t know, but it grew.

Dear Lia, you were weird. I need to say that. But it did not turn me away. It drew me. A sort of fascination of what I didn’t understand. Your unconventional ways, shit, I still can’t explain it. It’s still a mystery to me. You think you know someone completely one day, and the next day they do something completely off. But one thing you kept with you was your way of keeping a smile on your face. It’s amazing how you kept it with you like a treasured possession, locked in a strong box. And whenever I saw it, it brought something new amongst the mundane repetition of what I call my life, and I loved you.

Dear Lia, love is something you cannot force. And I believed it. I sat through all your waves of crushes and dream men, each break slowly eating away at the sand heart I possess. I forgot how to love, because its love when it is returned and built upon. But it was one sided, and I was left alone. You pushed me away when I tried to open up, or asked you to open up. And I still loved you.

Dear Lia, after all the cigarettes, the laughter, the tears, we shared. Was it real? Or was I just fooling myself? Were you really there? Was your mind traveling across the universe to places beyond or were you in your own mind, questioning yourself? Was your smile genuine?

You may not know or care, but I was always there in the crowd watching over you. I didn’t have the right, but I also didn’t give a fuck. I was there waiting for the day you would come, dreaming of what it would be like. But you never came, you never even thought of me.


But I’ve forgiven you and myself. You see, my love had become something that would’ve ruined our beautiful friendship. You see, you became my muse. Something as mysterious and beautiful as you should have been kept free. Because I loved you.

I was asked once what I plan to do with my life. I couldn’t answer it. I was then asked why I live. And I thought of you. This is said many times, but you gave me the inspiration to write to pursue what I love in my life.

Dear Lia, your body is gone. But the years I spent at your side, lonely with my one-sided love, I became you. So in a way, you are alive. I get to live the life you wanted for yourself, what short span of life you deserved. And live the life you gave me. Because, I will always love you.

Farewell my love