Appreciation

Appreciation

I am in more than one relationship right now.  Actually, dozens.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I don't mean romantically.  Family and friends are the only lasting relationships I have attained.  For a long time, I considered this a failure on my part, but no more.

You see, I have my best friend in the whole world to thank for paving the rocky road I had been on.  I am no longer headed for disaster.  No, sir.  He did it by calling me a liar and a thief when he caught me red-handed.  With no holds barred, no one had ever screamed and swore at me like that before.  And did it ever scare the Dejesus out of me.

For two weeks, I scrambled like mad to find another place to live and a job to boot so that I could afford it.  Why?  Because I was getting my behind kicked out.  I was too scared, angry and perplexed to understand how my own brother could put me in such a predicament.

It took realizing that there was no way I was going to make ends meet on my own for me to come up with the one thing left that might change his mind: an apology.

The next time we were together, I told him I needed to talk to him.  “Make it quick, Pat.  I'm really busy.” 

I laid it on the line that I was the one who blew things out of proportion when he tried to confront me nice and calm like.  That this is his house with his rules.  Since I purposely broke these rules, I don't deserve to live here.  “I'm sorry.”

At that point, I wanted his forgiveness.  This is why I also said, “The only thing that really matters in this thing is that we are still friends.”

“Of course,”  he said.

That was that.  However, I hadn't thought to ask if he would change his mind about me leaving.  Later that evening, I sat on the couch while he was working and asked what he thought of me staying.

“That's completely up to you, Pat.  You know the deal.”

Yes, I knew the deal.  I must obey his rules to the letter, which, now that I had had a dose of reality, seemed fair to me.

What a relief. 

In short, I chose to grow up and appreciate what I had with him, thanks to what I now refer to as the 'tough love' he showed me when it really counted.

Back to those dozens of relationships.  These include both present and past.  I have always had a vivid memory of how family, friends and counselors have helped me out of tough jams.

Today, I feel the way I always should have toward these people.  Grateful and unworthy of them.  No longer will I place my needs on a pedestal.  I choose to build my own ladder of success by writing about everything and everyone who has had an impact on my life.

Graciously, I am inspired in a new way.  I will allow myself to hope that these people will choose to appreciate me their way as I have begun to appreciate them my way.