|I Stood Without My Shadow
Without my shadow , I was lost.
I became neurotic, constantly looking behind.
I know it's there, somewhere.
But I may have made it angry.
After all, many have left me in the shadows.
I even heard those remarks, from shadows.
But every time I looked to see who,
they were gone. Just like my new dilemma.
I searched far and wide,
even asking if others had this problem.
They all stopped talking to me.
So I wrote this pathetic muse.
I had nothing else to lose.
Just lost time, in this shadow of a corner, where I write.
But everyone had one, except me.
I will be OK, I believe.
If I can either get over the loss or find my loss.
Seems though, either way, I lose.
Don't you get tired of losing?
Or is it just me?
I am staying focused at the chore I have.
Finding that part of me that used to always, have my back.
It is funny, I put so much faith into my shadow.
Maybe I took it for granted.
Maybe I thought that it would always be there, like love, family and friends.
Dammit! I cannot be that stupid; or can I?
Tomorrow I'll try to look somewhere else.
I can't ask for help either.
Everyone has a shadow, except me.
Besides as I said, they will think I lost it.
I'll be damn, that is the problem isn't it?
I did lose it, didn't I?
Well, who needs it anyway?
I mean, I never wanted followers, nor fans.
Somehow though, the shadow was always there.
Let's be rational here.
I never worried about it when I had it.
I mean, who thinks about their shadow?
Perhaps I should be looking for the reason why,
instead of where it went.
I mean, I took it for granted that I had, what everyone else had.
I was like everyone else! My shadow and I.
I never had to look back, because I knew it was there behind me.
It always had my back. Let me explain, and I am not insane.
I was born with it. Like you, like me.
I had to use it maybe twice in life.
Hey shadow? You have my back right?
It was always there. Even though I was afraid of it once.
But it seems that it has left now or something.
I am so puzzled about this.
As I grew up, they said, never look back in life.
So I took for granted that my shadow was there.
I never questioned once why it was there.
Nor, why everyone had one.
I just wanted to be like everyone else. You know, don 't you?
I never heard of such a thing. But could you imagine this?
"Hey, today's news is;some people lost their shadow."
I never read the news anyway, so now it's my fault?
What is a shadow for, anyway?
Someone must know. There must be someone.
It has been two weeks now since I started looking, and this damn rain wouldn't stop.
I mean, I am looking for a shadow while everyone else are pumping out basements.
I probably should help them and forget my needs.
If asked, I could not justify what I was doing.
They all hollered. " Hey you over there. Stop looking for whatever your looking for, and help here.
I approached carefully; as I thought up my excuses.
A nice man looked at me, looked behind me, and without a word,
handed me a shovel. He said, start here.
It was then that I realized, that a shadow is not that important.
So what, if I did not have one; it's all flooded here.
I looked up and saw a glimpse of light above.
The clouds parted and sunlight broke through.
Cheers abounded and I thought I came here too late.
What are they so excited about?
I need a shadow, and now they want light?
I threw the shovel down and walked away.
They don't really need me, do they?
After a few minutes of figuring out what had just happened.
I regrouped and looked back.
I'll be damn! Here it is.
I had my shadow back.
I never did find out why or how.
It just was there again.
Now I can be like everyone else again.
After consideration over this whole mess, I learned a few things.
One, never look back. It doesn't matter what is behind you.
What is behind you is the past. Therefore, shadows are the past.
I never wanted to live in shadows. But everyone goes through this.
The shadow thing I mean.
Some how I believe there is a connection between light and shadows.
But I am not sure. It was night time and as I passed the TV, I saw my shadow.
I did pause to look out the window instead of the clock.
But that's another thing. What time is it really?
I mean there are clocks and day light savings things.
But the sun comes up and goes down, regardless if we wrote timetables.
I guess nothing is cut and dry. Nothing is what it looks like.
I mean this. Just yesterday, I got a ticket and went to fight it.
They said the light was red, I said green.
Then this guy behind me said, where's your shadow friend?
I payed the fine and now,the whole damn search started over again!
I just wanted to know if the light was a certain color.
I didn't even know the guy, and when I was about to ask him about the shadow thing,
he was leaving. I had a choice again, like with the rain thing.
It was either, find the shadow, grab a shovel, or pay the fine.
I'll be damn if I worry about so many things again!
I still have my shadow.
Although, I do have to look for him from time to time.
If I look back; he might be behind me. You know, the past thing.
Then again, I think the time thing is more important.
I did get this letter in the mail, that I wanted to share with you all.
The letter started out by saying. God is the light of the world.
It got my attention right then and there.
Maybe God knows about my shadow.
Then again, it might be just junk mail, I thought.
But below the opening statement, there was something else.
Something that caught my eye again.
It said, Jesus, was a shadow of things to come,
A new world of happiness. Then we all should walk in the light.
I held the paper up to the sun, and guess what?
There was a shadow on the ground.
I wondered for a minute, if this was Jesus?
Lights and shadows and what is going to happen next.
It was all in this brochure.
I'll sit down and read it later.
I stuffed it into my pocket carefully.
After all, if God and Jesus have something to do with my shadow,
I want to be respectful and not take this with a grain of salt.
God, I am nuts. I'll have to go home now and look at my salt shaker in a different light.
Lights, shadows, grains of salt, God and Jesus.
And you think your life is complicated?
by S A Gibbins 2012