If Only You'd Say Yes

First is a version I wrote that's a bit more general meaning it has a LOT less personal information in it.

So where does it go from here? Ever been rejected? Who hasn’t been? No. I hate the answer. Worse than the answer is the lack of a logical reason why. Doesn’t quite make sense does it? To spend everyday with someone  to be the best of friends or just to constantly enjoy each others company. One person develops feelings and the other just…doesn’t. It’s happened I think to ALL of us. Something there just doesn’t add up how could you be so close and not want to be with one another that’s just stupid! But is that necessarily true?
I’ve had a lot of friends of the same sex and I’d have been glad to live with them and spend everyday with them but I damn sure wasn’t attracted to them and didn’t want to be with em.
But is that it? Is that the main determining factor here is it really 90% or more about attraction? Well we are all animals with our individual urges and drives. Perhaps some people have trouble looking beyond physical attraction more so than others…is it experience? Likely it is an amalgamation of all sorts of things: Selfishness, self doubt, hubris, perhaps fear as well. We decide on what we want and what we deserve and damned if we settle for anything less. Some of us are wooed by things like extra attention, gifts, flowery words, material things and maybe even good looks. Others are not. Others I am certain don’t really understand why they are attracted only to certain people and I don’t think they care to find out or understand. Maybe it never even occurs to them to try to figure it out.
Plenty of people seem to only like dating people who are quite frankly jerks. Some people stay in abusive relationships like it’s their job. I knew someone who was sleeping with a woman, they were watching football, sharing dinners, laughing and loving. Then one day she disappeared to California without a single word. When she finally decided to contact him her reasoning was that no one had ever treated her so well and it freaked her out. Some people truly are idiots I suppose.
I wonder if you were faced with someone hotter than you thought you could ever get who has a lot lacking in personality would you give it a shot?
What if someone was quite inferior to what you want in the looks dept but had absolutely everything else you could want?
I wonder which one would you be more inclined to go for? Greater looks with a small helping of everything else or everything else with a small side of bad looks?
This is a question that can only be answered by the individual. I refuse to go into extreme detail about myself because I feel it might come off as disingenuous or bragging. I will say this I have ignored looks and It has on occasion bit me in the butt because the personality was also lacking. There are times I’ve ignored looks though and managed to experience some truly wonderful relationships. On the contrary I’ve dated psychotic attractive girls as well. To me though in case you aren’t picking up on it the experiences I share with someone are the determining factor. So I try as hard as I can to eliminate looks from my category of things I look for in a person. Of course I will always have my propensity towards skinny blondes (never dated a redhead that holds a hugely physical appeal for myself) but it’s a thing that I am barely affected by.
I have also heard this refrain spoken about starting a relationship between friends. What if it fails between us? Would this destroy our relationship as friends? To me this is something I’ve never worried about. Then again I’m an interesting cat I suppose because the way I treat a girl now is the way I’ll always be. I am who I am I don’t put on a mask or a show to attract girls. I’m not on my best behavior when I first meet a girl nor am I going to change if I one day decide to date a girl or develop feelings for her. I am simply myself there are no surprises to be had. So nothing changes with me just because I date someone. I’ve fought with and lost friends who I never ever came anywhere near to dating, male and female. Dating does not affect this at all for me. I have known many ex’s and stayed on good terms with them, stayed in contact until we naturally drifted apart and forgot each other. We gave it a shot and had wonderful experiences with one another.

As for why we say no to each other I can only speculate on what that reasoning might be though I can speculate with a degree of certainty because I’ve seen it before in me and with many others. This is the way human beings do things, the hard way, the painful way. I’ve been rejected before and maintained the relationship without missing a step. To a degree I believe this was a lesson I learned from when my parent’s divorced.

Relationships sometimes go far and end because they aren’t right. But you can still work together and be friends if you’re smart enough to know when it’s not working and call it a day. Sometimes it never gets off the ground but it’s up to you to decide whether you want to keep staying around the wonderful person who was so great that you fell for them. Or do you want to run away and ignore them altogether for not reciprocating and giving you the love you felt you deserved?

It’s also partly a lesson I learned the first time I fell hard for someone. Everything was there the laughter, the memories, the way we looked at each other, spoke to each other, the time we put into one another. The only thing missing was the physical aspect of it and we never got off the ground because she never wanted to touch me nor did she share my feelings. Does this devalue the relationship we had? Of course it doesn’t. It was as painful for me as anything could be of course but it was love. The idea is to be selfless in love not selfish. I didn’t get what I want but to be truly in love people have given up their lives, people have waited a lifetime for each other. There was a story I heard when I was young about a woman who waited on the top of a hill for her love, a soldier, to return. Everyday she would go to this cliff and wait hoping one day he’d return. The lesson is that for countless millennia people have stood by one another selflessly in the name of love.

I’ve heard of family members and simple friends even dogs and pets showing this same brand of loyalty and love. So I know that the power is not in getting to have sex with someone or even hold them but the power is all in what we’d sacrifice just to make one another happy. (though I really would love to be able to cuddle up on occasion and of course I enjoy intimacy… regardless nobody is doing any dogs I hope…)
So if I were to be rejected though the pain would sting as sharply as any blade or bullet I have shrugged away this kind of agony before and embraced instead the wonderful things that come from being around someone you care about.  To love each other without being in love is still a great thing I’ve come to cherish…though I do hope that if I ever do have such a conversation again that it ends not only with a kiss but a nice little play by play by Sam Rosen the Rangers announcer.
“Gaborik makes a move SCOOOORES! SCOOOORES! RANGERS WIN! RANGERS WIN!”  Thanks Sam. Nobody could call it any better!





NOW for the second version this is based a lot more on my own current personal issue.

“About moving in with me...I know this move isn’t going to happen and I feel pretty darn sure that I’m alone on this one...what I'm about to say. Obviously you trust me, you respect me, we’re best friends and if I have my way it’s going to stay that way for as long as possible because this is too fun, me and you. But I just need to make sure I’m being honest because that’s always the way I’ve done it. I have to know for myself have I ever done something wrong anything at all?”
“What no dude like what?”
“Made you feel nervous? Uncomfortable anything like that? Have I ever treated you like the last guy did?”
“NO definitely not”
“K good. Is that why you trust me so much? Because to move in that’s…that’s a big thing like I said that’s something that makes me think that maybe I should be doing things differently and I’d be glad to honestly but….and you can look my square in the eye and hopefully see I’m not bs'ing you. This is something I’ve had pop in my head many times and it’s never been an issue, it’s never going to be an issue and you know that because you’ve been around me long enough and you said it yourself I have never ever let it get in the way. We’re all individuals with our own feelings and choices I spent 22 years figuring that out and trying my best to understand and respect it. But of course I have feelings for you. I haven’t wanted to date every girl I’ve ever known but you’re amazing and you need to know how unique it is that you make me feel this strongly.”

“Dude…I…”
So where does it go from here? If you know things the way I do then I guess you know the answer and it’s not one I’d like. In fact I hate the answer. Worse than the answer is the lack of a logical reason why. Doesn’t quite make sense does it? Trust someone enough to live with them and want to spend every single day with them but you don’t want to be with them? Something there just doesn’t add up. But is that necessarily true?
I’ve had a lot of friends of the same sex and I’d have been glad to live with them and spend everyday with them but I damn sure wasn’t attracted to them and didn’t want to be with em.
But is that it? Is that the main determining factor here is it really 90% or more about attraction? Well we are all animals with our individual urges and drives. Perhaps some people have trouble looking beyond physical attraction more so than others…is it experience? Likely it is an amalgamation of all sorts of things: Selfishness, self doubt, hubris, perhaps fear as well. We decide on what we want and what we deserve and damned if we settle for anything less. Some of us are wooed by things like extra attention, gifts, flowery words, material things and maybe even good looks. Others are not. Others I am certain don’t really understand why they are attracted only to certain people and I don’t think they care to find out or understand. Maybe it never even occurs to them to try to figure it out.
Plenty of people seem to only like dating people who are quite frankly jerks. Some people stay in abusive relationships like it’s their job. I knew someone who was sleeping with a woman, they were watching football, sharing dinners, laughing and loving. Then one day she disappeared to California without a single word. When she finally decided to contact him her reasoning was that no one had ever treated her so well and it freaked her out. Some people truly are idiots I suppose.
I wonder if you were faced with someone hotter than you thought you could ever get who has a lot lacking in personality would you give it a shot?
What if someone was quite inferior to what you want in the looks dept but had absolutely everything else you could want?
I wonder which one would you be more inclined to go for? Greater looks with a small helping of everything else or everything else with a small side of bad looks?
This is a question that can only be answered by the individual. I refuse to go into extreme detail about myself because I feel it might come off as disingenuous or bragging. I will say this I have ignored looks and It has on occasion bit me in the butt because the personality was also lacking. There are times I’ve ignored looks though and managed to experience some truly wonderful relationships. So I try as hard as I can to eliminate looks from my category of things I look for in a person. Of course I will always have my propensity towards skinny blondes (never dated a redhead that holds a hugely physical appeal for myself) but it’s a thing that I am barely affected by.
I know that in my current situation that I am not what she would want me to be physically. I know she is also full of doubt and fear. What if it fails between us? Would this destroy our relationship as friends? To me this is something I’ve never worried about. The way I treat her now is the way I’ll always be. I am who I am I don’t put on a mask or a show to attract girls. I’m not on my best behavior when I first meet a girl. I am simply myself there are no surprises to be had. So nothing changes with me just because I date someone. I’ve fought with and lost friends who I never ever came anywhere near to dating, male and female. Dating does not affect this at all for me. I have known many ex’s and stayed on good terms with them, stayed in contact until we naturally drifted apart and forgot each other. We gave it a shot and had wonderful experiences with one another.
I obviously really hope that she can see past whatever it is that might be holding her back. I can only speculate on what that might be though I can speculate with a degree of certainty because I’ve seen it before in me and with many others. This is the way human beings do things, the hard way, the painful way but if that’s the way it’s got to be then I’ll get over it and be fine. I’ve been rejected in this way before, much worse than this in fact and still continue to talk to that girl to this day. To a degree I believe this was a lesson I learned from when my parent’s divorced. Relationships sometimes go far and end because they aren’t right. But you can still work together and be friends if you’re smart enough to know when it’s not working and call it a day. Sometimes it never gets off the ground but its up to you to decide whether you want to keep staying around the wonderful person who was so great that you fell for them. Or do you want to run away and ignore them altogether for not reciprocating and giving you the love you felt you deserved?

It’s also partly a lesson I learned the first time I fell hard for someone. Everything was there the laughter, the memories, the way we looked at each other, spoke to each other, the time we put into one another. The only thing missing was the physical aspect of it and we never got off the ground because she never wanted to touch me nor did she share my feelings. Does this devalue the relationship we had? Of course it doesn’t. It was as painful for me as anything could be of course but it was love. The idea is to be selfless in love not selfish. I didn’t get what I want but to be truly in love people have given up their lives, people have waited a lifetime for each other. There was a story I heard when I was young about a woman who waited on the top of a hill for her love, a soldier, to return. Everyday she would go to this cliff and wait hoping one day he’d return. The lesson is that for countless millennia people have stood by one another selflessly in the name of love. I’ve heard of family members and simple friends even dogs and pets showing this same brand of loyalty and love. SO I know that the power is not in getting to have sex with someone or even hold them (though I really would love to be able to cuddle up on occasion and of course I enjoy intimacy) but the power is all in what we’d sacrifice just to make one another happy.
So if I were to be rejected though the pain would sting as sharply as any blade or bullet I have shrugged away this kind of agony before and embraced instead the wonderful things that come from being around someone you care about.  To love each other without being in love is a great thing I’ve come to cherish…though I do hope that when the conversation continues it goes a little something like this.
“Dude…I…yes.  Yes.” Leans over and we kiss.
Right then on the TV Sam Rosens play by play seems to somehow understand us both perfectly “Gaborik makes a move SCOOOORES! SCOOOORES! RANGERS WIN! RANGERS WIN!”