Another Bunch Of Limericks

DOMESTIC BLISS

A lovely young lady, Janine,
asked her partner to keep the house clean
“Keep making a mess,
and I’ll copy, I guess
Lysistrata – know what I mean?”

LUNCH TIME

It gets very cold on the bay,
where it’s twenty below every day.
I’m a big polar bear,
and I’m waiting out there
for lunch to come swimming my way.

HIGH FINANCE (1)

“I’m a wage slave,” he said to his spouse,
“for after I’ve paid for the house,
and the new swimming pool
and the kids’ private school
there’s not a lot left to carouse.”

HIGH FINANCE (2)

Said his spouse in reply, “Goodness me,
we must cut down on spending, I see.
I can help here, I guess,
I won’t buy that new dress
for our next holiday in Capri.”


GOSSIP

The duchess became very bitter
‘bout the duke and their cute baby-sitter.
They denied it, of course,
with great vigour and force
but it’s spreading like wildfire on Twitter.

DRAGONS

A normal sized dragon will eat
every day half a ton of raw meat.
Then finish its feast,
the ravenous beast,
with a nubile young maid as a treat.

VAMPIRES

The vampire came slowly awake,
and said to himself, “I must make
a new sacrifice.
A blonde would be nice,
but I’d really prefer chocolate cake.”

iPHONES

My new iPhone’s the pick of the bunch,
I use it to order my lunch.
BLT, ham on rye,
or a nice chilli pie.
That one packs a hell of a punch.