|3.30AM: Absence makes the heart grow fonder
So here I am again, in exactly the same position as before. Right when I tell myself "Ok I'm moving on from him, its the best thing for both you and him" I find myself doing the exact opposite. I find myself falling for you again excpet its harder then all the times before.
I fall for the way you look at me, the way you charm me in the way you make me laugh and smile, in the way you can always tell when something is wrong. I fall for you.
I'm never going to be able to get over you, I am not physically or mentally capable to move on from you. I am weak when it comes to you.
What have you done to me?
I don't know what I am meant to do because you see...I am in love with you.
This is beyond lust. That'y why I am afraid, its why I'm scared because when you fall in love with someone a piece of you becomes theirs, they hold the power to make you or break you. This feeling is so strong its frightening. Its overpowering.
There are cracks in our foundations. Deep cracks that need a lot more then super glue, they need time, patience and a whole lot of love. We have left scars in each others hearts, at least you've left one in mine. I know this sounds negative, a scar its not a nice thing, it stays with you your whole life. First the wound is fresh and hurts but over time it heals, the wound closes up but you'll always have that mark, that scar, that reminder.
Im petrified of losing you.
Have you ever been so afraid of losing someone you care about so much that suddenly nothing makes sense. Good or bad, same thing. Love and hate, same thing. Past and Present, same thing.
I just want you for my own.
I want you to be mine.
I want you to hold me like you did once before.
I want you to love me again...not 'fancy' me. Not 'like' me. Not have 'feelings' for me.
Its always been you and only you
Your the only guy that can make me cry, that can leave me shaking in fear and anger, the only guy that I hate and love at exactly the same time.
Your the only guy that can make me laugh, cause me to smile till my face hurts, that can cause me to go weak with the slightest touch or look, the only guy I've ever truly wanted.
I love everything about you. Even your flaws. They are what make you who you are.
I don't want to give up, not just yet. I want us to work, I want you.
It's a longing, craving, want, need its a combination of the most selfish desires.
Its hard to give up on something you want so badly, its hard to give up on something your so close to, its hard to give up on you.
Please dont give up on me.
If you love me just as much as I love you, if you care about me as I do you then we will find a way. After all, you can't truly say you love someone until you've tested the trials of trust, almost lost that person, argued and fought till you've run out of words. You cant say you love someone until you've been pushed to the point where you may have almost lost that person. You can't tell how much someone means to you until you've been in this situation.
I gave up last time. I regret it.
I wish I had held on that little bit more. I wish I had waited long enough for us to pull through. I didn't though I just stopped believing in 'us'. I dated another guy with the single hope of getting over you. Which brings us back to the beginning again. After all we have been through i cant move on, i cant give up on you. Not again.
I want you. I need you
One more time.
One last go.
It's all we need to prove our feelings for one another.
Its all I need to prove to you that.....
I love you.