Bigots are sooooo GAY!

    Why do some people oppose gay marriage?  The reason is quite simple really.  The reason is because “they” have it and others don’t.  They don’t want to share it.  They think that allowing gay people to marry will spoil, tarnish and ruin marriage for the heterosexuals.  They may give all of these fancy-smhancy arguments about culture, family, tradition and blah, blah, blah to rationalize it; but really, it’s as simple as that.

    They are wrong too.  I guarantee that people will still be marrying in droves, and the institution will be as strong as ever even if gays are allowed to be married too.

    You want proof?  Here's an example.  They said that allowing gays to serve openly in the military would weaken they military and demoralize the troops.  Yet now that “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” has been repealed, has this happened?  Do you know of one soldier who has quit the military because of this?  Current events have borne out that all that hype was just that.  For, as we all know, the military has continued to slaughter our enemies every bit as efficiently as ever, without nary a hiccup.

      Another argument you hear is that gays don’t need to get married because they won’t be having children and raising children is the purpose of marriage.  So what?  Do we really need more people on this overcrowded planet?  I heard a statistic the other day that stated of all the people who have ever lived on Earth, 6% of those people are alive today.  Wrap your mind around that.

    What is my source for this statistic?  Who cares?  You aren’t really denying that there are a lot of people on this planet, are you?  Increasing the world's population isn't really quite the problem it was during the Middle Ages, when every other child died before the age of two because they got something like an ear infection.

    Then they say if gays are allowed to get married they will adopt children.  Nobody raises children better than a mother and a father they argue.

    Let me tell you something, children don’t need a father to help raise them.  95% percent of the evil that has been done in this world has been done by men.  Most of the wars, the mass killings, invasions, the indiscriminate killings, and genocides are the fault of men.  Slavery, pillaging, raping (obviously – I mean has a man ever been raped by a women – maybe two or three times if that), racism – all the fault of men.  Have the words, "Look out we are about to be marauded by that savage, heartless pack of women" ever been uttered by anyone anywhere (I mean besides the movie The Pirate Queens of Lesbos)?  Conversely, women have been the source of most of the love and nurturing that has occurred throughout time.

    My point, do men really bring to the table something indispensable to the raising of a child?  In actuality can’t the argument be made that two nurturing, loving, women can easily raise a child as well, if not better, than a man and a woman could. 

    And, by extension, can’t it also be concluded that that two gay men could raise a child better than two gay women, or two straight women, for that matter.  Nobody out nurtures a gay man.  Not even a woman. 

    Everyone knows that.

    And so, before I conclude this scholarly, intellectual article I wonder – what will “they” (and by “they” I mean antiqued conservatives) say about my article?  I can tell you one thing they won’t say about it.  What they won't say is something funny, because not only are they wrong, but they aren’t funny either. 

    It's a weird thing, I know.





Appendix 1 – My Hierarchy of Most Suited, Best Equipped Parents to Any Child

1)          Two gay guys.  The fruitier the better.

2)          Two women where both are straight women or of the “lipstick lesbian” variety.

3)          Two lesbians where one or both is the butch or "bull dyke” type.

4)          A man and a woman.  (It just edges out 5 because of team work)

5)          A single woman.

6)          A gay man.

7)          A pack of wolves.

8)          Two straight men.

9)          Let the child fend for himself.

10)          A single heterosexual man.

    It is interesting to note that this list is somewhat similar to my pornographic preferences.  If you eliminate 1, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 – and then switch numbers  4 and 5, you have it exactly!  Too much information?  Come on – it’s always nice to know a little something about your author.

    Also you may be wondering why, in this author’s opinion, is a single woman a better parent than a gay man?  I think that gay men are, by nature, gregarious and supportive team players.  I believe that, without a partner, a gay man is a less effective single parent and more liable to fall apart.  Ironically, this makes a single woman, in my extremely stereotypical mind, a better single parent.