My Love

         What you are about to read is not your average love story, it consists of heartbreak and sadness that does not lead up to a happy ending. However, if you recently got your heart broken and maybe want to read something you can relate too, then this story is just for you.




“I can’t believe we failed math man, I swear Ms. Toner was out to get us.” Said Johnnie with anger.

I thought about what Johnnie said, but man he actually didn’t do anything in class. He’d always be skipping class to get high, this kids just in denial from all the pot he smoked. I just happened to fail because I’m just bad at math, I was always bad.

As we were walking towards the school entrance, I asked Johnnie “so are you ready for summer school? Cause we’re going to be here for a while man...”

Johnnie looked at me with a smirk. “Of course I’m ready...ready for these girls.”

I looked at him back, smiled, and just shook my head. I seemed to wonder what Johnnie is going to do when he’s older and needs a job, he never seems to care about his grades or anything. Only cared about the girls he would meet and his reputation.

Soon as we got to class, I could already see Johnnie gazing around to see if there are any chicks he’d go flirt with. There weren’t any he was interested in so he sat next to me and we just talked for a while.

“Hey Ethan, I know you and Jess broke up but it”s time to move on, it’s been a year. Girls are interested in you, you’re just not opening up to them alright?” Said Johnnie with a friendly smile.

I knew girls were interested in me, I just couldn’t believe Jess had sex with another guy and I just happened to walk in. Like why at that party? Couldn’t she have the decency to break up with me first? I couldn’t get her off my mind. 

-”Ahem, attention students I will be your summer school math teacher. My name is Mr. Lo, I only have one rule in this classroom and that is to respect me. Any questions?” Said the short Spikey haired man.

Everyone just rolled their eyes after Mr. Lo had said that.  He had seemed like a laid back teacher, I’m guessing everyone just hates the thought of being here for the summer.
To me it didn’t matter if I was wasting my time; I’d sulking at home about Jess anyways. Well who wouldn’t? I've been with her for two years, we were practically high school sweethearts.

Shortly while Mr. Lo was doing attendance, there was a knock on the door.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to walk my brother to school.” 

Mr. Lo looked down at this really short girl. “It’s alright go grab a seat and what's your name?”

“It’s Lenna” Said the petite girl.

In my head my mind was blown. I’ve never seen such a beautiful girl in my life. She took a look at me and my heart happened to skip. She had wavy, light, brown, mixed with dark hair. Her eyes were so deep, it felt like looking over a deep abyss of heaven. So deep you can’t see the bottom. Her smile was so astonishingly, bright, it felt like I was gazing at the sun. When I looked at her, I felt like I was able to breathe and forget Jacqueline. I was trapped in a dark room without oxygen then suddenly, a bright figure rushes in giving me the air to breathe. I had a sudden urge of wanting to know her.

As I leaned my head urgently to ask Johnnie “Hey Johnnie, who's that girl that just walked in? Do you know her?”

“Not really, but I heard pretty bad things about her” Said Johnnie with a cringe.

“Well what did you hear?” I asked quickly.

“I heard she’s just a total slut. I’d probably stay away from that one if i was you.” Said Johnnie sincerely.

-”Hey!, are you two boys going to stop talking?” Asked Mr. Lo with a pissed off look on his face. 

“Sorry sir” Said Johnnie with a smile.

As soon as Mr. Lo turned around, I caught Lenna looking at me and smiling. Unsurprisingly, her smile made me smile.

Shortly after, it was a 40 min break session. Me and Johnnie went to the cafe and met up with a friends to have lunch.

As we were sitting, I noticed Lenna was sitting alone. I kept staring and hesitating whether I should go and sit next to her. I honestly felt really bad to look at her eating alone.

Johnnie tapped my arm with his elbow and whispered “Don’t do it man, remember what I told you.”
I whispered back  “I feel bad, she doesn’t know anyone from this school.”
Johnnie said back “okay just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

So I walked hesitantly to go sit next to her, looking around to play it off on my obvious direction. It felt like my walking pace was getting slower and slower. Every step towards Lenna, I felt the chills running through my arms and legs, the perception of nervousness roaming around the area. I heard animals can smell fear, heck, if there was an animal near me; it’d find me like a gps.

I finally managed to sit down and the conversation started with with the most cliche statement ever.

“Hi....Lenna right? What's up?”

She didn't respond, but instead she gave me a weird look.

GOD DAMNIT, from that point I knew it was done. It was over, I BLEW it.

To save the awkwardness, I decided to slowly walk away from this disaster.

Suddenly I heard a melodious voice “Hey! Wait come sit”

I looked back and saw a beam, I was surprised but I approached to sit across from her.
At that point it felt very awkward, she was looking around and I was just thinking of something to say.

She finally beat me to the point “So your name is Ethan right? My name is Lenna.”

I looked at her with a relaxed look on my face and we decided to start talking with ease. I got to know a lot of her in that 40 mins, even when we got to class I sat next to her. Johnnie didn’t mind because he knew I was happy with her, he knew I was getting over Jess. From that point on me and Lenna were really close, I even thought we liked each other.. It was great, I felt like we knew everything about one another.

A week later she invited me to her house to sleep over, her parents were going away and it felt like the perfect opportunity to express my feelings.
When the day came it was a good day. I got ready and I made sure I looked nice.
As I was walking towards her house, I saw Lenna on her porch relaxing and waiting for me. Suddenly, as I was walking, I saw Jess and her boyfriend slowly pacing themselves to the park.
At that moment, I didn’t know what to do. I can already feel the awkwardness approaching me, I was practically panicking at that time.

Momentarily, I saw Lenna turning her head and she also saw Jess! She slowly turned her head back; acting like she’s not surprised; she also knew who Jess was.

Right when Jess and me were 20 feet across from each other I suddenly heard “Hey! you’re finally here!” In a split second I saw Lenna embracing me and giving me a passionate kiss. As I was kissing her back, I acted like I wasn’t surprised. It felt great how she did that, she showed Jess that I’m doing better without her. Also, Lenna was known to be one of the prettiest girls in our area and knowing Jess, that really pissed her off.

Soon after, we walked on her porch back to her house. I had her around my arm and I asked her “what was that for?” She simply looked at me and smiled “because I like you” Those four words just made me really enlightened. I leaned over and kissed her once again and told her “I like you too.”

(6 Months Later....)

Six months has gone by and it's been the greatest months I have ever had. I have never been with someone who's cared for me as much as I cared for them. I love how we don’t fight about anything, we have the same mentality which never leads us to a disagreement. The feelings I have for her is no where near as what I had for Jess, this girl was just so...Amazing. We even confessed we’re in love. Sounds cheesy but what can i do? I’m speaking from my heart and I know its always going to be true.

Monday looked like a disastrous day. Not just because it was a monday, the rain was pouring there was thunder and the birds weren’t chirping. All of nature was dead. However, it didn’t matter to me. I was going to see my baby tonight. She told me she wanted to see me but sounded very discreet.

As I was waiting at my house for Lenna to come over, I noticed she came early then what she had told me. It felt so wrong, she was the type of girl who never came late or early but whatever,  I murmured to myself. There's a first for everything.

As she came in, she was hurrying. She sat down really quick without really acknowledging me. She then sat and looked at me “come sit down.”

As I sat down I felt her hands reaching for my hand. This felt weird, it didn't feel normal. In fact it wasn’t normal.

She looked deep into my eyes “Hey Ethan, you're the best boyfriend I've ever had, I know we love each other, but I don’t deserve you.”

I looked back with confusion and I asked “Why not? We love each other don’t do this, please..”

She then looked at me irritated “It's over, I can’t be with you anymore!”
As soon as she said that I was in a trance, she gave me a kiss on the forehead and headed out the door. I managed to quickly regain my consciousness and I grabbed her by the arm “Lets at least talk about this, at least that, just for me” She looked at me with piercing eyes. “ I had sex with another guy at a party, is that what you wanted to hear?”
I couldn’t say anything to that. I had it all wrong the whole time, she's no different from Jess. After she had left I sat down, I couldn’t think straight at all. My mind was in one place but my heart was in another. I didn’t even know what to do. She simply left without looking back and I sat laying in my bed for months, never went out with friends, never had a laugh, never went out with another girl. Lenna was constantly on my mind. I called her but she changed her phone number, I even went to her house hoping to fix this but her mother told me she didn’t want to speak to me. It was so obvious I was in denial. The fact of losing her outweighed the fact of her cheating on me. After all the calls, I just happened to stop one day...Maybe I just wanted to stop hurting myself, or maybe I just thought to myself of moving on.

6 Months Later

This feeling was still unbearable, it was nowhere near to what I had felt for Jess. It got to the point where I lost all my friends, and having my parents getting recommended for therapy from all my teachers. This event was so catastrophic in my life, somehow, everyone living near me, everyone that I knew, and everyone I have spoken to seemed to know about me and her. I couldn't even hear her name it was too devastating.

One Morning my mom came with a weird look on her face “Hey, Ethan you got letters from Lenna...”

She expected me to jump up I guess. She had that look when she was watching a horror movie and she knew something bad was going to happen. I looked calm and had a steady composure. However, In my mind I felt like I was going to faint. I simply grabbed the letter and tossed it on my desk and walked off like nothing happened. This feeling was awkward. I didn't know why I did that, in my right mind I knew I would have opened up that letter in less than a heartbeat. I kept asking myself Why? Later on that night, I went to bed without looking at the letter. The letter was like a monster, it kept saying my name and I was just a hopeless kid trying to avoid boogeyman hiding in the closet.

Couple nights have gone by and just one night as I was sleeping I couldn’t take it anymore. The letter was just drawing my attention for days so I decided to open it. It seemed like she ripped out pages from her diary I've seen at her house. There was 3 pages ripped out and the first two were just short, sweet, and had doodles of hearts and happy faces everywhere. I quickly skimmed through them and they were about how me and her met. She wrote about how happy she was being with me...While I was near done reading the second one, I asked myself why would she be sending me these...Was she trying to hurt me more? The third one however, had no drawings or doodles of happy faces or hearts or anything. It simply looked really depressing and serious. My gut feeling was telling me that this one was a bad one... It was long as well, it was front and back, unlike others that were only half a page. The page wasn’t even in good condition, it was wrinkled and rough like she dried it up after it got wet...
         

Dear Best Friend, Lover, and Ethan

I’m sorry for what had happened to us. You were simply the best thing that had ever happened to me. The moment I saw you, I knew you were different. You treated me with respect. That drove me crazy about you, to be honest I was never really respected.

Now I gotta come up with confessions. My biggest lie to you was what the last thing I’ve said to you. I would’ve never cheat on you, I loved you. And that was the reason why I left you, and our relationship. During the couple months of our relationship, I started to slur my words and my vision was deteriorating. I got myself checked by a doctor and it turned out I had brain cancer, the malignant one too. In case you don’t know what that means, its pretty much instant death. I could never let you see me in pain or have you go through my pain. I had to leave you and leave the world peacefully. Please understand, and know I’ll always be waiting for you in heaven or maybe the next life? Just know that you’re my soul mate forever with eternity. Please have a great, amazing life, you deserve it Ethan.

                                                                                         Love Lenna
50 Years Later

Hey Uncle Ethan, is that story true? Said my niece.

“Yes, it is Sara.” I said with a smile.

Niece : “Wow Grampa, no wonder you never got married.”

Well, there isn’t a day I never think about her, but one day, you'll find love like this too” I said to my beautiful niece.

Love is a beautiful emotion, something everyone truly deserves. For it helps the individual to become who they really are and grow to their potential. Lastly, the biggest mistake in life is avoiding love, find it it before you have “ the one that got away.”