Here on the abyss of life and death, peering into the darkness of all that is that is beyond existence. The coldness it represents rushes towards me, stinging my flesh and burning my soul, shaking the foundation of all that I have ever known. For me there is nothing beyond this time and space, this eternal here and now. There is no heavenly father above to forgive me for all that I am and all that I have done.
There will be no warm embrace to rescue me from deaths dark, cold unrelenting ways. I have sinned, oh how I have terribly sinned. I have done all that I can to forsake my heavenly father. I have cast him into a realm of uncertainty, into a valley of disbelief, knowing all along that he would never return to me.
I have chosen to renounce the once unshakable faith of my youth. I have made my bed in a house of wolves, in a den of lions that feast upon the lambs of God's flock. My flesh is stained by the blood of many. My soul has long since passed from my being.
Forgiveness is a rouse. A game for the weak minded. A ploy by those who seek ultimate control. I no longer wish to play such a game because I am most certainly unforgivable. I have done things, horrible things that make me less than human, less than compassionate, less than good. I am greater than evil defined.
I am my own in an ever-increasing godless world. I am my own faith.
I hold humankind's beliefs at bay. I am self-aware to all I know and all I can explain. I am my own power, my own trust, my own life, and my own death.
I am a deity in this realm that I have created. In this world of bitter, unrelenting darkness. I am all I shall ever allow myself to be. I alone will decide all that happens here in this darkest of moments.
I will decide my own fate, my own destiny and my own tomorrow or lack thereof and on this darkened day. I choose no tomorrow. I choose to set myself free from this place. I choose death over life, for the life I have now has never really been mine. With a fall further down than ever before, I am all I shall ever allow myself to be which is most certainly dead.
Alone in a cold dark eternal place, peace from my ways has finally found me.
The fall has set me free.
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2012.
© Copyright 2012 Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! (UN: keatonfoster at Writing.Com).
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