Raising Cain (WIP - Needs help!)

This is a tongue in cheek story about fairy tales and expectations.  It was an exercise I did exploring POV (which I think I flunked by the way).  I was trying to write third person limited.  Based on a "what if"  contest prompt.  Sometimes - you just have to DO it.  Of course, you don't have to post it for everyone to see....but....I just keep doing it!  I didn't enter it in the contest, thank goodness.

In the first edition of this story, the girl's pet shark stole the body.  Beta readers didn't like the ending.  So I changed it.


Freya watched as Dora tugged another dead sailor across the sandy floor.  The sailor’s arms and legs flopped, and his head lolled to the side.  He looked sort of like eel linguine.  And of course, he was that disgusting grey-blue color.  And after a couple days they got smelly.

“Dora, you can’t turn a human into one of us.  It's not scientific.  They don't have the right stuff."

Dora hefted the soggy sailor up on top of the long table.  She flipped her beautiful green-gold tail and stuck her nose in the air.

An arm slipped off the table.

Dora tucked it back up, then smoothed and patted the sailor’s clothes.  She smoothed out a name tag, tracing the raised letters with one finger.

"What does that say Dora? C-a-i-n?  What's that?"

Dora shrugged her shoulders,  moved back, and put her hands on hips.  “One of these days I’m going to get this right.  This one is still fresh.” 

"Yeah right."  Freya raised one eyebrow and stretched her mouth in a zig zag smirk.

Dora’s face screwed up, then flattened in a stubborn line.  She flipped a long curl back over her shoulder in a familiar gesture.  The gills on the side of her abdomen flared.

“Freya I’ve had enough of the naysayers.  You’re either with me or - .”

Freya rolled her eyes.  “Drama maid.  You know I’ll help.  What are you going to do with him if this works?"

"You know if I don't come up with a suitable merman, in a few weeks I'm going to have to marry that bossy Poseidon.  I'd like to tell him what to do with that trident.  Why did I have to be the oldest twin?"  Dora shook her head and pointed to the other side of the table.  "We have to find a way to make this happen.  I just know what's in that old trunk will make it happen.  It has to."

Freya turned and swiped a few barnacles off a trunk half hidden in the sand.  Faded gold letters shimmered on the dark leather.  Freya tugged at the kelp netting the trunk.

“Freaking kelp everywhere. “

Freya wrestled with the kelp a little more and freed the trunk.  She lifted the latch, and with one muffled underwater squeal, the hinge rolled, and the trunk popped open.

“Shh, Freya -  Mom will hear us.”  Dora left the sailor on the table and moved over, closer to the trunk.

“What shall we try this time?  Oh, Dora, there’s just one bottle left.”  Freya lifted out an ugly black bottle.  The stopper on the bottle was covered with a thick wax seal.  “Dora-dee, this really doesn’t look very promising.  There’s a reason we left it for last.”

Dora squinted at the bottle, took it from Freya, and lifted it to her nose and looked closely at the label.

“Oh give it here.  We both know you can’t see the broadside of the Titanic.” 

Freya took the bottle back and rubbed at the bottle’s label.  A skull and crossbones appeared beneath her fingers.

“It says here – “…” Freya rubbed the bottle harder, and the label disintegrated beneath her fingers.

“Quit pretending Freya.  Everyone knows mermaids can't really read.”  Dora looked down her nose at Freya.

“I guess we just try a couple options.  Last time we poured it over the guy, and it didn’t work.  The time before that we tried to pour it in him, make him drink it.  Dead men don't swallow, but still - that was kind of disgusting.  All those bubbles.”  Freya shuddered. 

“Don’t be such a fish egg.”  Dora wrenched the bottle back from Freya, looked at the stopper, and tugged.

Nothing happened.

Dora handed the bottle to Freya.  “Here, hold while I pull with both hands.”  Dora tugged.

The bottle uncorked with a pop.  Silver and black liquid swirled from it.

"Hahaha" a voice boomed from the bottle.

Freya shivered and looked at Dora.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

Freya stepped back, and some of the liquid spilled on the sailor's forehead.  The water around the sailor started to boil, and the skin on his face started to slough off.

"Freya!"  Dora grabbed her and pulled her way from the table, but it was too late. 

"What's the matter girls?  Can't handle raising a little Cain?"

The sailor made a smacking noise, and rose from the table. 

"Come here, give me some lovin."

Cain held his arms out and Frankenstein walked towards the mermaid twins.

"Muhahaha."




Disney Inspired Round 2012 Deadline:  June 15th, 11:59pm (WDC time)
2012 Disney Inspired Prompts:  "What If...... mermaids exist."
WC = 721