Mother Shadows

                            Mother Shadows

         In the search for me
           I see shadows of my mother.
                   Nothing concrete...
                   simple dark spaces.
                     I know little of her
                             but
                     there are places less dark.

         She withdrew when I was young,
           coming forth periodically.
                   At times, like Mount St Helens;
                   at others, as the sun
                     through fog.

         Throughout, she was Mother-
           a daily fixture in my life.
                   Heisenberg's Principle
                                       in the flesh.

         These shadows I know:
                   She taught me to read
                     I learned to not trust.
                   She taught me to cook
                     I learned to not talk.
                   She taught me to sew
                     I learned to not feel.
                   She bore seven children
                     Said little of sex.

         Whatever the cause of her pain,
           it killed her desire to live:
                   obliterated her creative
                       abilities
           And turned out the light
                   of her soul.

         In me parts of her live on.

         And I constantly fight the shadows.