Religion

I've been shoved into a religion without my
consent. My parent baptised me at 6 months
and have dragged my ass out of bed every
weekend to church. I've endured the ten years
of CCD. The First Communion Hulabalooza.
The Confirmation Rush. And I still have no
basic understanding of Catholicism. Sure, I
look like the good little Catholic girl. Went to a
Catholic school for a year. Know a couple of
those "important" prayers. Can say a few
things about Jesus. Well good for me, I've
memorized a whole load of information that is
completely meaningless in my mind. As far
as I'm concerned, I don't know religion. I don't
have it. I may go to church every Saturday
night or Sunday morning but I don't listen. I sit
and drift off into my problems and obsessions
of the week. I write whole stories in my head.
I don't listen. I don't learn. I hate confession; I
don't trust it at all. I may be burning in hell for
this but aren't we all anyways? You know,
vanity's supposed to be a bad virtue and I don't
know one person who DOESN'T check
themselves in a mirror before they go out.
Everyone's primped at least once, so don't go
denying.

This is not a bash fest for Catholicism either. I
haven't found anything of value to me in
Judiasm, Islam, Buddism, Zen, cults, etc. etc.
etc. I don't want to sound like I hate everyone
who has religion-it's just that I haven't quite
figured out the allure of it all. It's all based on
a simple need for something to believe in.
That's there's more out there than what we
see. That's there's someone looking out for
us. And out of the lack of any completely
convincing, honest-to-goodness proof of a
"higher being", we have over a million different
religions wandering around on this planet. I
do not understand how this came about.

I know there are people I know that will read
this and say "But you pray, so what's that
mean?" Yes I pray but I consider that keeping
my bases covered, just in case. I don't know
what's going on out there and neither do you.

I think I'll give organized religion a call back in
about 10 years. Give me time to figure out
what's going on in my head and then I'll worry
about eternity.